Lesson 1 :

A priest offered a Nun a lift..

She got in and crossed her legs, forcing her gown to reveal a leg.

The priest nearly had an accident.

After controlling the car, he stealthily slid his hand up her leg…

The nun said, ‘Father, remember Psalm 129?’

The priest removed his hand. But, changing gears, he let his hand slide up her leg again. The nun once again said, ‘Father, remember Psalm 129?’

The priest apologized ‘Sorry sister but the flesh is weak.’

Arriving at the convent, the nun sighed heavily and went on her way.

On his arrival at the church, the priest rushed to look up Psalm 129. It said, ‘Go forth and seek, further up, you will find glory.’

Moral of the story:

If you are not well informed in your job, you might miss a great opportunity.

Lesson 2 :

A sales rep, an administration clerk, and the manager are walking to lunch when they find an antique oil lamp.

They rub it and a Genie comes out. The Genie says, ‘I’ll give each of you just one wish.’

‘Me first! Me first!’ says the admin clerk….. ‘I want to be in the Bahamas , driving a speedboat, without a care in the world.’ Poof! She’s gone.

‘Me next! Me next!’ says the sales rep. ‘I want to be in Hawaii , relaxing on the beach with my personal masseuse, an endless supply of Pina Coladas, and the love of my life.’ Poof! He’s gone.

‘OK, you’re up,’ the Genie says to the manager. The manager says, ‘I want those two back in the office after lunch.’

Moral of the story:

Always let your boss have the first say.

Lesson 3

An eagle was sitting on a tree resting, doing nothing.

A small rabbit saw the eagle and asked him, ‘Can I also sit like you and do nothing?’ The eagle answered: ‘Sure, why not.’

So, the rabbit sat on the ground below the eagle and rested. All of a sudden, a fox appeared, jumped on the rabbit and ate it..

Moral of the story:

To be sitting and doing nothing, you must be sitting very, very high up.

Lesson 4

A turkey was chatting with a bull. ‘I would love to be able to get to the top of that tree’ sighed the turkey, ‘but I haven’t got the energy.’

‘Well, why don’t you nibble on some of my droppings?’ replied the bull. It’s full of nutrients.’

The turkey pecked at a lump of dung, and found it actually gave him enough strength to reach the lowest branch of the tree.

The next day, after eating some more dung, he reached the second branch..

Finally after a fourth night, the turkey was proudly perched at the top of the tree.

He was promptly spotted by a farmer, who shot him out of the tree.

Moral of the story:

Bull Shit might get you to the top, but it won’t keep you there…

Lesson 5

A little bird was flying south for the winter. It was so cold the bird froze and fell to the ground into a large field.

While he was lying there, a cow came by and dropped some dung on him.

As the frozen bird lay there in the pile of cow dung, he began to realize how warm he was.

The dung was actually thawing him out!

He lay there all warm and happy, and soon began to sing for joy…. A passing cat heard the bird singing and came to investigate.

Following the sound, the cat discovered the bird under the pile of cow dung, and promptly dug him out and ate him.

Moral of the story:

(1) Not everyone who shits on you is your enemy.

(2) Not everyone who gets you out of shit is your friend.

(3) And when you’re in deep shit, it’s best to keep your mouth shut!

THUS ENDS THE 5-MINUTE MANAGEMENT COURSE…

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When you are dating …. Farting is never an issue.
When you are married …. You make sure there’s nothing flammable near your husband at all times.

When you are dating …. He takes you out to have a good time.
When you are married …. He brings home a 6 pack, and says “What are you going to drink?”

When you are dating …. He holds your hand in public.
When you are married …. He flicks your ear in public.

When you are dating …. A Single bed for 2 isn’t THAT bad.
When you are married …. A King size bed feels like an army cot.

When you are dating ….. You are turned on at the sight of him naked.
When you are married …. You think to yourself “Was he ALWAYS this hairy????”

When you are dating …. You enjoyed foreplay.
When you are married …. You tell him “If we have sex, will you leave me alone???”

When you are dating ….. He hugs you, when he walks by you for no reason.
When you are married …. He grabs your boob any chance he gets.

When you are dating ….. You picture the two of you together, growing old together.
When you are married ….You wonder who will die first.

When you are dating ….. Just looking at him makes you feel all “mushy.”
When you are married …. When you look at him, you want to claw his eyes out.

When you are dating …. He knows what the “hamper” is.
When you are married …. The floor will suffice as a dirty clothes storage area.

When you are dating …. He understands if you “Aren’t in the mood.”
When you are married …. He says “It’s your job.”

When you are dating …. He understands that you have “male” friends.
When you are married …. He thinks they are all out to steal you away.

When you are dating … He likes to “discuss” things.
When you are married …. He develops a “blank” stare.

When you are dating … He calls you by name.
When you are married … He calls you “Hey” and refers to you when speaking to others as “She.”

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From my good friend Renecia Scheepers in Cape Town. Tell her I sent you when you place any orders with her. I don’t get any referral fees or anything else except the knowledge that I supported by friend in her small business venture.

Nice marketing for your business….

I make up little packets of chocolates as well as gourmet chocolate and nut clusters like in the photo attached…which you can give to “certain” clients as an incentive for purchasing over RX amount or just to say “thanks”…I can also attach your business card to the bags.
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Your business will be remembered long after the chocolates are gone…. and your clients will be coming back for more service in the hopes of getting more chocolates – promise!
Orders at least two days an advance please.

I look forward to doing mouth watering business with you (wink)

Renecia Scheepers on 082 468 0302

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The 2010 Soccer Worldcup is upon us in South Africa. My mood changes from mild excitement to complete ecstasy day by day as we draw closer. This is surely one of the biggest mass events ever to be hosted on the African continent and I cannot be more proud to be a South Africa during this period. We’ve come a very long way over the last 300 years or so since Jan van Riebeeck arrived in Cape Town, to the first Democratic elections in 1994, to winning the Rugby Worldcups in 1995 and 2007.

Anyway as a tribute to Bafana Bafana and the fans who have gone out in thousands today in Johannesburg and across South Africa I post this video clip for the trailer of Invictus, the film starring Morgan Freeman as Nelson Mandela and Matt Damon as Francious Pienaar. Few South African films have touched me as deeply as this movie. And I am not embarrassed to say that during several scenes I became so emotional that I cried. Knowing that I was there during 1990s when all these major events that have changed our world happened, makes me feel like we can certainly accomplish anything we set our mind too. Miracles don’t always happen overnight, they may take 27 years!

And here’s the actual Invictus poem by William Ernest Henley…

Out of the night that covers me,
Black as the pit from pole to pole,
I thank whatever gods may be
For my unconquerable soul.

In the fell clutch of circumstance
I have not winced nor cried aloud.
Under the bludgeonings of chance
My head is bloody, but unbowed.

Beyond this place of wrath and tears
Looms but the Horror of the shade,
And yet the menace of the years
Finds and shall find me unafraid.

It matters not how strait the gate,
How charged with punishments the scroll,
I am the master of my fate:
I am the captain of my soul.

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Today I am sharing an important message from my fellow motivational speaker, Robin Banks. A few years ago I attended one of his free Mind Power workshops and was completely blown away by his confidence and ability to get people excited. He has an incredible way of creating high energy experiences similar to Tony Robbins. Anyway in 2007 we met while both of us attended Dr John Demartini’s Breakthrough Experience.

Here’s Robin’s message…

We are less than 8 days away from the beginning of one of the most exciting events this country has ever experienced and it’s absolutely awesome to feel the buzz in South Africa. The roads are coming together nicely, our airports are world class and I honestly believe we are ready to host an Outstanding World Cup!

I have had the privilege of working with ACSA (Airports Company South Africa), preparing all the airport staff to give the world the most Awesome South African welcome. I have seen many of the countries stadiums and travel to most cities on a regular basis, so I speak from personal experience when I say, ”We are Ready” and I am Proud of my country. Everywhere you go there are South African flags being flown, my car has mirror flags and two on the back windows as well. If you haven’t got flags I would strongly encourage you to get behind our country and buy some. You can go into any Mini dealership and they will give you mirror flags for free. Don’t procrastinate, Just Do it!

Read the rest of this entry »

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Life is like a ride in an amusement park and when you go on it and you think it’s real, cause that’s how powerful our minds are, and the ride goes up and down, and round and round. It has thrills and chills and its very brightly coloured. And it’s very loud and its fun for a while. Some have been on it for a long time, and begin to question is this real or is this just a ride. And other people have remembered and they come back to us, and they say “hey don’t worry, don’t be afraid ever, cause this is just a ride.”

And we kill those people. “Shut him I’ve got a lot invested in this ride. Shut him up! Look at my furrows of worry, look at my big bank account, and my family, this has to be real.” It’s just a ride. We all kill those good guys who try and tell us that. You ever notice that? And let the demons run amok. But it doesn’t matter cause its just a ride. And we can change it any time we want. It’s only a choice. No effort, no work, no job, no savings with money. Just a choice right now between fear … and love.

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This is a profound message from one of the greatest minds of the 20th century. Carl Jung went way beyond Freud and even Einstein because did not place any limitations on what humanity. And if you want to explore this question further, may I recommend the Origins of Evil lecture by Michael Tsarion.

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One of the tragedies of the romantic relationships in the 21st century is the lack of quality and the lack of depth. Technology has played a pivotal role in bringing people closer together and also keeping people from connecting at deeper levels. We’ve seen the rise of Internet dating as means for people to find suitable partners to become friends, go on dates and to eventually get married. This has been further enhanced by adult dating websites, which allow people to skip courtship and go straight to sex.

We’ve also seen the erosion of boundaries between couples. Cellphones have placed people at the beck and call of their mates. And so you find many people who would otherwise have developed a very strong individualised personality within the relationship breaking down when they cannot get hold of their partner. A pastor from a church once cautioned me about the devastating impact cellphones and MXit was having on young married couples. What he found was that as teenagers, they develop their online friendships, sometimes having hundreds of “friends” on social networks. And when they get married, they want to maintain those friendships. Now here arises a real conflict because the husband or wife may have their own “friends” they are used to communicating with. This eventually leads to a severe breakdown in communication, a lack of trust, and is the opposite of what these people should ideally have at the beginning of a marriage.

Now it’s a fact that we do not live in a perfect world. And in the same way that technology is abused, its also having a very positive impact. Technology like Skype, the most popular VOIP application on the Internet, has allowed people to connect and even do video calls anywhere in the world. Social networking has had the same positive impact in that it has allowed people to maintain friendships and even develop romantic relationships over long distances. And I firmly believe we’ve now reached the stage where people are more realistic about the people they meet on the Internet.

The greatest challenge for 21st century relationships is moving from addiction-based technology1 relationships to real connections, real intimacy. And I’ll explore this more in my upcoming book, The Psychology of Technology.

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All South Africans residents and visitors are encouraged to participate in Earth Hour on Saturday 27 March 2010 by switching off all lights for one hour, between 8.30pm and 9.30pm. Earth Hour is a WWF initiative and is a symbolic act aimed at creating awareness that climate change threatens lives, livelihoods and lifestyles and galvanizing support to pressure governments to combat climate change.

The ten warmest years on record have all occurred since 1990. In 2009, an estimated 1 billion people from over 4 000 cities across the world took part in Earth Hour. Supported by local celebrities like The Parlourtones, Jo-Ann Strauss, Ryk Neethling and Marc Lottering, Earth Hour 2010 is proud to have Archbishop Tutu as their patron once again. As comedian Lottering says “There’s nothing funny about climate change It will ultimately affect all of us in a bad way if we don’t consciously act.

This year South Africans will once again have the opportunity to join the rest of the world in doing something positive – turn your lights off on Saturday, 27th March at 20h30 for one hour.”

For more information, visit www.earthhour.org.za

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For the last few weeks, and seems like the last few months I’ve been stuck in the same groove. Something happened and I think I know what it is. Before I share that not so obvious secret with you, I wanna tell you what’s happened. My hobbies have become mere illusions and sometimes even delusions. I stopped doing my daily Tai Chi Chuan, I’ve stopped going to art classes, stopped going to movies on half-price Tuesdays, I’ve stopped doing many things that brought great satisfaction into my life.

What’s been the result of all this? Simply put, my life has become filled with nonsense, mundane nonsense. And I have almost nothing to show for it. Seemingly things went from bad to worse in December when I had massive arguments with my girlfriend at the time, got into a car accident, almost got killed in a attempted hijacking, and eventually had a car breakdown, as well being forced to sublet my bachelor pad. This was almost too much because I was stuck in the same groove yet again.

January did not turn out to be much different. For the most part I was hiding from the world by pretending to work. And what I now realise is that the work I thought I was doing was more of a distraction than anything else. Do you know the feeling you have after a long day at the office, you get home and you feel like you did nothing meaningful? Well this is what has been going through my mind on a daily basis as we entered 2010. More of the same was to be had from the ex-girlfriend who never ceased to amaze me to what lengths she would go to keep the emotional rollercoaster going.

A fool was I, because I kept on trying to rescue the situation, rescue the relationship, instead of rescuing myself. Then February arrived, the month of love, and I finally got my way and took a 3-week break in Uitenhage. Away from all the drama, away from all the confrontations, away from all mess that I used to call my so-called life in Johannesburg, the New York City of Africa. And what did I achieve during those 3-weeks? Almost nothing at all, certainly nothing significant like a new ebook or a new project to get me back into the talk show circuit. The reason, I was stuck in the same groove.

So now we’ve arrived in March 2010 and its less then 100 days before the FIFA Soccer Worldcup kick off. There is a real buzz in the air and the excitement is growing in leaps and bounds. Except for my own mind, which is stuck in a same old groove. As I write this, my first real blog post in decades (sic) I realise that breaking from the same old groove has to be my biggest goal. So whatever I end up doing next I have to find a way to break the repeating pattern, to break the silence, to become groovy again as Austin Powers would have me say

Oh, by the way, I put way too much energy into my relationship and forgot what makes me Ramon Thomas. So the short lesson here is, never focus more on your partner than on yourself. Make yourself happy first, and the rest will follow. Seek first the Kingdom of God (the Kingdom of God is within you)…

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