Interview Zooming In On Men, SABC3

Pepsi Pokana, host Zooming in on Men SABC3On Sunday, 21 September I was interviewed in a pre-recorded episode “Dating Games” for the fascinating show Zooming In On Men (ZOIM). ZOIM now in it’s 2nd season is broadcast Sundays at 4.30pm, following Car Torque, with the target market being the mature South African man – apparently the rest of the media believes we are in short supply!

Anyway this is the first television show where I was introduced as South Africa’s #1 Dating Coach aka Hitch…lol…The host Pepsi Pokana and his wife, who does the make-up, helped me relax quickly and the director, the camera crew and sound engineers have by far been the most professional I have worked with in the broadcasting industry in South Africa. I was extremly confortable before and afterwards the filming of my segment.

Melanie Son, the content producer confirmed the following transmission information:

  • Channel : SABC 3
  • Date: Sunday, 26th October 2008
  • Time: 16h30

More about this show that I highly recommend for all men. And for women who want to understand men, instead of trying to “fix” them:

Zooming in on Men is a quirky, humorous television property that is partly influenced by, but not limited to, men’s print formats like Best Life, GQ and magazines like Afropolitan, Tribute and Blaque. It is an entertaining, engaging and informative platform that moves away from being merely a lifestyle show, but rather uses topics relevant to men to create a space where “real men talk” about the variety of issues that affect, confound, inspire, anger and humour them. One of the key pillars behind this new season of ZIOM is to create a platform where we can laugh at ourselves in our exploration of the constructs of Masculinity. We discuss debate, argue, laugh and experience a range of topics ranging from the serious to the frivolous. The show, hosted by an anchor host, supported by a comedian, will be studio-based, which serves as the foundation for the show. It will be driven by the banter between our two hosts and their interaction with the various guests in studio. The space will reflect men and their interests. Each show is driven by a topic/theme, and all the elements in an episode serve to explore the relevant topic. The core of the show is the conversation between men, which will happen in our location studio.

Target Market: Urban men aged 25-40

Healing a broken heart

This article is from one of my guest bloggers and fellow dating coach Tuming Lee:

Tuming Lee Female South African Dating CoachIf you fall head over heels in-love with a guy and he drops you for another girl who happens to be cuter than you… Don’t be in a hurry to cry him a river just yet, instead of crying, take out your notebook and write down the reasons you think he wasn’t man enough for you.

You may cry as you are writing your list, that’s okay, but don’t cry for too long, life is too precious to be wasted entirely on an idiot of a man.

Yes, you guessed right. This break up article is not your typical, let’s-get-the-tissues-out, throw-a-pityparty type of session, it’s about changing your view and seeing the humour in the whole thing and laughing at ourselves for a change. I am done crying over a man, and I wish you’d stop crying over your ex too. He is not worth it, because if he were, he would have respected you enough to not cheat on you.

Stop feeling sorry for yourself. You deserve better in every way.

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Brent Smith on Allowing Yourself To Be Bored

I believe that one of the biggest reasons that you do things that you know you’re not supposed to do is because you feel bored or you fear feeling bored.

For most of you, your lives are so filled with stimuli, not to mention responsibilities, that it’s almost impossible for you to sit still and do nothing, much less relax-even for a few minutes. What I’d like you to do is allow yourself to be bored. I’m not kidding. If you allow yourself to be bored, even for an hour-or less-and don’t fight it; the feelings of boredom will be replaced with feelings of peace. And, after a little practice, you’ll learn to relax.

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The Psychology of a Player interview

Ramon Thomas South Africa's #1 Dating CoachThis is an interview with Ramon Thomas for Destiny, a new women’s business magazine, that was never published so I’m posting it here:

1. Why do some men decide to become players?

Most players don’t decide to become players. They just find they are naturally good with women i.e. they understand how to make a women feel good and this naturally creates attraction. Players make up a small, very small fraction of men. Those who are motivated to become pickup artists (or players) do so out of frustration and lack of success with women growing up. For example, Mystery, the most revered pick-up artist in the world was a nerd, introverted and into computers growing up. He transformed himself by becoming a stage magician and using this to launch his career as a professional pick-up artist. He is the mentor of Neil Strauss, author of The Game: Penetrating the Secret Society of Pickup Artist (2005).

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Women feel bad about one-night stands and casual sex

Aisling, 28, regretted every second of her one-night stand, saying she felt "used and cheated"The sexual and feminist revolutions were supposed to free women to enjoy casual sex just as men always had. Yet according to Professor Anne Campbell from Durham University in the UK, the negative feelings reported by women after one-night stands suggest that they are not well adapted to fleeting sexual encounters.

These findings are published online in the June issue of Springer’s journal, Human Nature.

Men are more likely to reproduce and therefore to benefit from numerous short-term partners. For women, however, quality seems to be more important than quantity. Also for women, finding partners of high genetic quality is a stronger motivator than sheer number, and it is commonly believed that women are more willing to have casual sex when there is a chance of forming a long-term relationship.

As Professor Campbell explained: “In evolutionary terms women bear the brunt of parental care and it has been generally thought that it was to their advantage to choose their mate carefully and remain faithful to make sure that their mate had no reason to believe he was raising another man’s child. But recently biologists have suggested that females could benefit from mating with many men—it would increase the genetic diversity of their children and, if a high quality man would not stay with them forever, they might at least get his excellent genes for their child.”

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The art and science of a dating coach

Evan Marc Katz dating coachLove mentors in demand among rich, educated groups

By Karin Zeitvogel

Americans invented the personal trainer to get physically fit and the career coach to give them a leg-up on the professional ladder.

But once they had hauled their size zero bodies and rippling abs to the very top of the career tree, and paused to allow their fancy to turn to thoughts of love, they realised they were out on a limb.

Enter the dating coach.

Unlike a traditional matchmaker, a dating coach will not arrange a tryst for you, but is “a personal trainer for people who want to fall in love,” one of the pioneers of the genre, Evan Katz, said.

“You have to do the work, you have to lift the weights, but I will guide you to make sure you don’t hurt yourself,” said Katz, who has been coaching people to successful love lives for five years.

His client pool is unlikely to dry up any time soon because, according to Katz, there are tens of millions of single people out there.

The people who employ the services of a dating coach tend to be educated, hard-working and relatively high up on the socio-economic ladder, not least because fees for the service are relatively high and not reimbursed by health insurance, coach Jennifer Viemont said.

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Robert Downey Jr has the brass balls to be Iron Man

Robert Downey Jr in Iron ManAs one of the most underrated actors of his generation Robert Downey Jr was never perceived as an action hero before the first Iron Man movie. Who knows what will happen to him now that he’s launched yet another super hero franchise and in the same breath forged a new angle for his career. Marvel keeps churning them out and the Stan Lee / Hugh Hefner cameo was a classic touch for those comic book insiders like myself. Stan Lee as the creator of the most famous Marvel comic characters like Spiderman.

As Tom Leykis would put it, Robert Downey Jr has brass balls indeed. Even though towards to the end of the movie he develops a conscious like most superhero’s are supposed to have one. The playboy stereotype is played up, almost to much, as his character seduces a female journalist early on in the film. You’re soon introduced to his trusty personal assistant, played by Gwyneth Paltrow. What is clear is that Tony Stark aka Iron Man’s true identity, is a genius inventor, followed through on capitalising on his abilities and uses it mostly to purchase sport cars and bed hot babes.

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Decoding the Asian Playboy, the world’s greatest Asian pick-up artist

Asian Playboy Jerry TranNEW YORK — Clad in a black leather motorcycle jacket with red racing stripes, he stood at 5’6”, with his hair in a textured faux hawk and a wispy mustache and goatee at the bottom of his boyish face. This was the Asian playboy.

Self-described as the “Asian Hitch” and a “hard ass drill sergeant of a pick-up artist instructor,” the Asian Playboy serves as a guide into the underground world of seduction.

In every major city across the world, there lies a more duplicitous subset of the nightlife community. Known as the “seduction community,” they organize themselves into regional chapters called “lairs,” and meet to trade stories or discuss new pick-up tactics and strategies.

Although highlighted by Neil Strauss’ bestselling book, The Game: Penetrating the Secret Society of Pick-Up Artists, and VH1’s reality series, The Pick-Up Artist, true pick-up artists generally prefer to operate discreetly, their advances and techniques only recognizable by their peers. They often adopt an appellation to conceal their true identities as they intoxicate the nightlife scene gallivanting as modern day Lotharios, using seduction as their only drug.

Born in Texas as Jerry Tran — the Asian Playboy aka “APB,” or as he prefers to be called, “JT” — studied aerospace engineering at the Florida Institute of Technology before becoming a professional social swinger. “For me, it was graduating from college, and I go out to California and realize I just sucked [at my social skills],” Tran explained. “So, I decided to do something about it.”

He turned to what he knew best as an engineer: research, self-education, and reverse-engineering the social protocols and processes in the nightlife scene.

On the Internet, Tran encountered the writings of Erik von Markovik, aka “Mystery,” a master pick-up artist featured in Strauss’ book and the VH1 series. He signed up for Mystery’s boot camp as a primer for becoming a pick-up artist. But the real development of a young pick-up protégé begins in the weeks after boot camp, affectionately referred to as “beginner’s hell.”

“There were weeks when I trained four to seven nights a week,” Tran explained about the effort it took to overcome his “approach anxiety,” or the anxiety felt when striking and maintaining a conversation with total strangers, and become “socially acclimated.”

That was four years ago. Since then, he has emerged as a master pick-up artist and entrepreneur who has founded his own company, evolved a new pick-up system called the “ABCs of Attraction,” and now travels around the world running his own boot camps aimed toward Asian and ethnic men. In 2007, he won the title of “The World’s Greatest Asian Pick-up Artist” at the Global Seduction Summit in Hollywood. “It’s actually a little grandiose,” he laughed about the peer-voted honor. “It’s not like there’s a formal body or anything that decides.”

Although he admits “the game” is no different for Asian men, Tran explained the need for an ethnic specific boot camp by stressing the recognition of societal influences from stereotypes and the media. “There will always be underlying perceptions that people have about Asian men — that we’re small, misogynistic, stable, effeminate, have small penises, asexual, etc.,” Tran said.

Noting the sentiment of frustration felt by many Asian Pacific American men, Tran acknowledged that his program was not for everybody. “There’s been a lot of anger. You can either do something about it or you can wallow in your own self-pity. [The latter] are the guys that I can’t help. … They don’t want to take responsibility for their own mediocrity in life.”

The boot camps span three days from 6 p.m. to 3 a.m. each day. Three to four hours each day are dedicated to lectures and workshops, followed by hands-on practice at a local nightlife establishment. At the end of the night, the students meet to recap.

At a recent New York boot camp, students ranged from early-20s-to-mid-30s, most were Ivy League-educated, and some worked in finance, consulting and law. They did not seem particularly socially awkward or unattractive, but all were motivated by dissatisfaction with their social lives and wanted to embody more of the alpha male qualities they respected.

read the full article on Asian Week here…

Men give better dating advice for women

This is no surprise for me because I’ve had the greatest response from women when they find out I’m a dating coach in South Africa. Men often do not want to ask for advice because they are afraid it makes them look weak. Anyway this is an excellent article about why women should ask their male friends for dating advice rather then their female friends (especially those who are also single/divorced)…

Women give women complicated advice about men, how to play games and trick a guy into dating them. Men give dating advice that is based on common sense and a more simplistic approach: smile, go after guys you have something in common with and don’t be hung up on how you look.

When Jakki Chrysler wants to know why a guy hasn’t called her, she does not consult her girlfriends. The 21-year-old knows they will be concerned, and would eagerly sit down to hash over the possible reasons why her love interest is not acting interested in return. But she usually opts to approach her male roommate, seeking out a perspective her female friends cannot provide.

My girlfriends will stay positive for me. They’re more likely to say don’t worry about it, he’s probably really busy,” said the currently single fashion student. Whereas my guy friend will say you should just date other people and not be hung up on it.”

The notion that men give women more honest dating advice was famously introduced in an episode of Sex and the City, in which Miranda was informed by a male friend that a guy was “just not that into you.”

The line spawned a bestselling book called He’s Just Not That Into You: The No-Excuses Truth to Understanding Guys by Greg Behrendt and Liz Tuccillo that was then turned into a film, set for release this summer, starring Scarlett Johansson and Drew Barrymore.

But the concept has also kick-started a subsection of the self-help industry: Dating Advice for Dames Written by Dudes.

Read the full article: Men do it better

Speed dating wasn’t fast enough meeting the Baroness

There was a young man called Ramon
who was tired of being alone.
Imagine his stress
when a man in a dress
blew him kisses and followed him home.

How many of you have encountered a man dressed up like a woman? Aha! Fortunately it’s only happened once in my life ? so far.

A few years ago I attended the first ever speed dating event held in South Africa in Melrose Arch. I read on a website that an SABC3 was going to record the evening’s events. So I jumped at the opportunity to be on tv ? I mean after all who does not want to be on tv? Normally I don’t do skydiving or bungee jumping but doing this was a very big thrill for me.

How speed dating works is as follows: you normally have 10 guys and 10 girls. The girls sit down on tables and the guys rotate after 5 minutes so they are guaranteed to meet all the woman ? as you know this does not always happen in a bar.

The Baroness Coral von ReefenhausenAnyway I moved around on a few dates and low and behold I faced the Baroness. The camera crew swooped in to capture the moment. As I sat down and she/he extended her hand, ?Well, well, well… aren’t you a handsome fellow…? Why thank you was my quick reply. ?Tell me…Ramon…where would we go on a first date..,? was her next question. This is where I had to think really, really fast. ?Oh maybe we’d go on a picnic, so we have lots of time to talk and get to know each other.? Those 5 minutes felt like an eternity with the Baroness.

My next speed dating event was a huge improvement. Popular Johannesburg radio station 94.7 Highveld Stereo ran a special competition for Valentine’s Day 2005, which turned out to be the biggest speed dating event ever. We had over 50 people and you could smell the excitement in the air. Because of the amount of people we were split into two groups, and Fastdate, hosted the function. This lead to use being split up into two groups. Now as I entered the building going upstairs where the event was taking place. I was followed by a gorgeous girl with a big smile. She had a certain energy about her, a girly, bubbly type, which so many women over 30 seem to loose. As we reached the 2nd floor, a table full of small champagne bottles waited for us. I grabbed mine without a straw as usual. This girl, Lauren, took hers and innocently placed the straw in hers. The gas in the champagne reacted and almost like a volcano this thing erupted….”Oops! I did it again”, Was the expression on her face and she giggled her shy hello. We hit it off later on and I left the venue with a kiss and a her cellphone number tucked safely in my back pocket. So in fact I broke the rules, because I didn’t bother completing the speed dating forms, evaluating all the other women.

If you’re keen on trying speed dating start by download my speed dating ebook, The ABC of Speed Dating.

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