Entries Tagged 'Online dating' ↓

Here’s a reprint of an article that quotes my research into online dating industry in South Africa…

Clean-shaven, straight teeth and a friendly smile … in a word, handsome. After a week of vigorous SMSing and long phone conversations, “handsome” and I decide to meet.

Eager to see each other in real life, we meet in a parking lot — and as I walk towards him, my excitement is replaced with anger almost immediately.

“That’s not you in the picture,” I blurted.

We haven’t spoken since.

Hundreds of thousands of South Africans are looking for love on the internet, which offers a chance to get to know the other person before meeting him or her face to face.

DatingBuzz, South Africa’s biggest dating website — launched in March 2002 — has 140 000 South African users and 260 000 users worldwide, mostly between the ages of 24 and 29.

Ramon Thomas, MD of NETucation, an internet research company, told the Mail & Guardian Online that South Africa has generated “approximately R20-million in revenue in 2004, based on the approximately 10% of all the users who are paying members”. The other 90% are simply window-shopping.

According to a NETucation report, Online Dating in South Africa 2004, almost a quarter of a million South Africans have used online dating services. The research was conducted on nine South African dating websites, including DatingBuzz.

DatingBuzz user Christine says she got married after chatting for seven months in cyberspace and 13 days after meeting her match.

Another user, Edna, says: “After my husband’s death, I never thought that I would have another chance of happiness with a man. He’s helping me deal with my loss and I am happy again.”

Sceptics like Sarah “used to read the success stories and laugh to myself, thinking that the marketing/PR behind the site must be really good at making up matched couples”.

“Well, since then I have [had] to eat humble pie as I met the man with whom I want to spend the rest of my life,” she admits.

One of the United States’s largest dating websites, Match.com, which was launched in 1995, says there are 40-million Americans who use online dating services.

In April 2002, Match.com polled 2006 single people, of which 49% admitting to searching for love online instead of wasting time at bars.

Jupiter Research reported that $473-million (about R3-billion) was raked in from American users of various dating websites last year. It expects revenues to reach $516-million (R3,3-billion) this year.

How it all starts

Anyone can create a profile for free on DatingBuzz. A registered user has a profile and is matched for free, but a subscription is needed if one user wants to contact another.

DatingBuzz CEO David Burstein told the M&G Online that his company’s revenues have “doubled over the last year”.

Demographics show that South African users who have profiles on DatingBuzz are 55% white, 19% black, 4% Indian and 4% coloured. Gauteng has the most registered users to date.

Profiles on dating websites often require users to provide their geographic information, age and physical description, education, cultural characteristics, and drinking and smoking habits, as well as a few words about themselves.

DatingBuzz has an additional option of a more in-depth survey. It details a user’s HIV status, personality traits, physical appearance, leisure activities, work and lifestyle, interests, likes and dislikes, and goals — and it asks whether the user answered the questionnaire honestly.

Burstein says DatingBuzz also has a site specifically for HIV-positive people, called PositiveDatingBuzz. There are about 200 people using the site, which was launched last year.

Matches are calculated specifically by what users choose as their ideal match, Burstein says.

Users on DatingBuzz can choose a partner, for example, who is a “fat cat” or one who is “struggling” with his or her income; a person with a “curvaceous” body type who looks like a “beauty-contest winner”; or someone whose hair colour “changes often”.

In South Africa, only 0,5% of users of DatingBuzz have admitted to being a “fat cat” and 1% are “struggling” with their income.

Users can specify what star sign they want their match to be, where they should live, their age, eye colour, height, religion, profession, drinking and smoking habits and current relationship status — as well as whether they want children.

The criteria for their ideal match can be ranked as anything from “non-negotiable” to “not important at all”.

DatingBuzz has created its own in-house software to match users. The programme calculates a score in percentage format for potential matches, according to what each user has specified.

The programme does a two-way match and users are able to view not only able their own compatibility with their matches, but also their matches’ compatibility with them. For example, if a user specifies a match from Gauteng as non-negotiable, a user in Cape Town will not have a high compatibility rating.

NETucation research shows that 84,8% of South African online daters claim to be honest when providing their details. There’s no real point in lying — it would mean there is less of a chance of a user finding his or her ideal match.

Most online daters (45%) in South Africa are single when they first begin their search for love on the internet. Most (26,8%) meet other users within one or two weeks from first making contact on the internet; 21,5% meet within a month and 20,1% don’t meet at all.

Risks of the game

Online dating could also be risky — there is, after all, no guarantee that the virtual Mr Right won’t be a serial rapist in real life.

However, some online dating services offer security, such as American site True, which does criminal background checks on users and tries to ensure no married person sneaks in a profile.

Match.com is also one of the websites that allows members to block users permanently and no longer receive messages from them.

DatingBuzz deletes scam profiles; for example, a Russian scam that cons South African users into buying airline tickets for Russian users. The money, however, isn’t really for the tickets, and before the South African users realise they’ve been conned, their money is gone.

Other profiles that DatingBuzz deletes are those that promote users’ businesses, or those that are obscene in nature.

If a complaint is made about a user, he or she could receive a written warning. If a rape allegation is made against a user and a criminal charge is laid, DatingBuzz freezes his or her profile and will provide any information about the user to aid the investigation.

Other dating services that are popular in South Africa include MSN Match, Galaxy Singles, LoveFinda, The Positive Connection, Dateline SA, Couples, Gaydar (focused on the gay community), Lovemail and MyDate (one of the longest-running dating websites).

NETucation will release its 2005 online dating statistics before the end of October.

source: M&G Online

Popularity: 14% [?]

I Can’t Believe I’m Buying This Book! A commonsense guide to Successful Internet Dating.’ by Evan Marc Katz From a 31-year-old Internet Dating Consultant, this guide comes as a surprisingly simple and extremely entertaining companion for beginners and advanced Internet Daters. It has the unthreatening feel of an anthology of anecdotes and humorous tales designed to encourage even the most reluctant reader to open their hearts and minds to a new world of Online Dating.The book starts off detailing the fears one may have when trying something many still consider fairly taboo. Online dating has, however, entered the mainstream, and in a big way. Katz does his utmost to comfort the hesitant sceptics and initiate all into this not-so-perilous world. He lists several sites and the basic requirements one must fulfil before joining and finding Mr. or Ms. Right. Every minute aspect of joining the Online Dating phenomenon is addressed honestly and with the reader’s ease in mind.

Katz is extremely open about the pitfalls of Online Dating and encourages his audience to have realistic expectations, pointing out, “Joining an Online Dating service is like joining a gym. You don’t lose weight simply by signing up. You have to make a concerted effort.” That’s where this book comes in. It’ll give you tips on writing a mega-profile. Just read Katz’s own intro: “Funny Guy with Killer Body and Money to Burn seeks Woman who Doesn’t Believe Everything She Reads.” Try the Dictionary for Online Personal Ads and you’ll find that a woman who calls herself a ‘Poet’ is simply a ‘Depressive Schizophrenic’ and a man who advertises himself as ‘Very good looking’ is really ‘Dumb as a Board’. Sound Familiar?

The book deals specifically with Internet Dating but would be highly useful for anyone wanting some advice on relationships in general. Katz offers truthful observations about the difficulty of finding a suitable partner and about making yourself more attractive. He lists basic Dos and Don’ts for everyone looking for that special someone or for a casual fling or friendship. It all comes down to the same principles of honesty and creativity. He says of pictures, “Put up only good pictures. (As long as they look like you).” I never would have thought of that.

Katz talks about the inevitable meeting and even encourages multiple in-person dates. He is especially frank when he talks about the seemingly inter-planetary man/woman divide. It would take more than a book for some of us to decipher the opposite sex but it’s a start.

Gay couples aren’t really addressed in this book and that may put a damper on it for some. The other major downside is that it is primarily focused on the North American market, meaning South African online dating websites aren’t assessed in the ‘Eenie, Meenie, Minie, Moe’ section. Still, there are universal elements being covered that transcend gender and geography so these may only be minor setbacks.

‘I can’t believe I’m buying this book’ will leave you with a lot to think about whether you’re just starting out or looking to increase your charm. Funny and insightful, one is left unsurprised that the book was written by someone who has been on both sides of the Internet Dating business. I can’t believe you wouldn’t give it a read.

‘I can’t believe I’m buying this book! A commonsense guide to Successful Internet Dating.’ by Evan Marc Katz published by Ten Speed Press

• Buy I Can’t Believe I’m Buying This Book: A Common Sense Guide To Internet Dating from Kalahari.net
• Download a FREE ebook by Evan Marc Katz
• Watch Evan Marc Katz being interviewed by Kyra Phillips on CNN Live

Popularity: 11% [?]

Online dating sites are facing some loneliness amid an industry wide slowdown.

NEW YORK (CNN/Money) - Initially considered the last resort for the socially stunted, online dating has shrugged off its social stigma and emerged as a mainstream means for singles to find that special someone.

Time for the industry to celebrate, right? Wrong. Just when you’d think the industry would be poised to see its strongest growth, online dating is actually experiencing a slowdown.

The U.S. online dating industry is expected to climb 9 percent year-over-year with revenues of $516 million in 2005 coming from consumer subscriptions alone, said Nate Elliott, an analyst at Jupiter Research. That’s slower than the 19 percent growth in 2004. And when compared with a 77 percent jump in 2003, the latest revenue trends seem cause for real concern.

“It’s the natural growth curve of the industry,” Elliott said. “It took a while for it to gain traction, then we saw several years of explosive growth, and now it will slow down.”

The curiosity factor was one driver of business as intrigued browsers flocked to dating sites such as IAC/Interactive’s Match.com and Yahoo! Personals. But once the media picked up on the hype with films such as “Must Love Dogs” and Disney’s ABC Networks documentary/reality show “Hooking Up,” it became evident that the mystique was gone.

Blame some of that on the creepiness factor, in which users finally tired of the endless barrage of oddball suitors from various sites. One former online dater said the abundance of freaks that sent her e-mails — one resembled the Incredible Hulk while another said he preferred educated women who would spend their lives serving him — turned her off the online scene. She eventually met her current boyfriend through friends.

While growth has slowed down, online dating is too ingrained to fade away, said Bill Tancer, general manager of worldwide research at Hitwise, an Internet market research firm. There are currently nearly 1,000 dating Web sites, Tancer said, and online dating makes up 1 percent of all Internet usage — in other words one out of every 100 people logging on visits an online dating site.

But now enterprising singles are being slightly more select in the sites they visit. Niche sites, focused on religion or ethnicity — such as Spark Networks’ successful JDate.com for Jewish singles, or a number of sites aimed at Indians — are popular. There are even sites centered on specific interests, such as Cowboydating.com (yee hah!), that pull in more visitors and subscription dollars.

Meanwhile, social networking sites like Friendster.com and News Corp.’s MySpace.com have become increasingly popular among the younger demographic set — those between the ages of 18 and 24.

Social networking is a difficult genre to classify. While it can be argued that all dating sites are about social networking at some level, sites like MySpace.com allow users to make connections with friends of friends and provide access to music, games and other interactive content. Since the site is marketed to singles, families and even business people looking to network, users can chat with other users without the pressure of dating.

Under the guise of sharing interests or friendship, those who log on are more inclined to find compatible mates. And social networking sites generally don’t charge.

That’s giving traditional online dating sites a run for their money, said John Tinker, research analyst at ThinkEquity Partners.

Tinker said that in a more competitive environment, the Big 3 online dating sites — Yahoo!Personals, Match.com and EHarmony.com — will have to tweak their business models and create new innovative products to grow revenue.

One place to look is advertising. Date.com’s CEO Meir Strahlberg said that advertising revenues have doubled in the past few months to 10 percent of total revenue.

“There are 86 million single adults who control annual spending of $1.6 trillion,” Strahlberg said. “Online dating sites reach about 30 percent of that market currently.”

He said that the company can target an advertiser’s products to almost any demographic based on user profiles — an attractive point for an advertiser.

Tinker agreed that with the maturity of the Internet, online advertising has become more common and will be an increasing means of revenue growth.

Yahoo!Personals vice president and general manager Lorna Borenstein said the site, which currently leads the market, has the competitive advantage of being on a network with more than 380 million monthly visitors.

She added that the Yahoo! Personals was the first site to launch a customized approach to online dating last November.

“Today’s online daters are increasingly sophisticated,” she said. “You can’t just increase offerings; you have to help singles figure out their relationship goals and offer tools to help them find their version of success, whatever that might be.”

A representative from Match.com couldn’t be reached for comment.

source: CNN/Money

Popularity: 11% [?]

Sites offer way to track phonies He sounded like a prince.

”He said he was smart, witty, tall and handsome,” recalls the woman known as j29blonde on match.com. She asked that her real name not be used to protect the ego of the ”prince” she met. She thought she clicked with the gentleman when they chatted online. ”It was one of my most memorable dates.”

She doesn’t mean that in a good way.

When she finally met the so-called Prince Charming, all she saw was a hobbit.

”Upon three double takes it turns out he was 5-feet-6-inches [tall] and far from handsome,” she recounted in an interview. ”He also had a twitch. At the end of each sentence he would make a snorting sound with his nose. I think the only thing that was true was that he was in grad school.”

Bostonians who click their mouses in hopes of clicking with someone know firsthand the mismatches of online dating. Like the women on ABC’s ”Hooking Up” summer series or Diane Lane in the new movie ”Must Love Dogs,” they learn that sometimes reality bytes when you log on for love.

But there is help a few keystrokes away. In the past year, several websites have sprung up to help cyber daters discern what is fact from fantasy on someone’s profile. The sites allow users to post feedback about the person they met online, including whether the profile the person posted is true. Users can also rate their dates here. Call it Cupid’s cyber consumer protection.

Officials from these websites tout their service as a best friend looking out for another friend on a date.

”We are waving the truth flag. The intent and the creation of the site was to provide a truthful and positive attitude for online dating,” says Jamie Diamond, a spokesman for the Los Angeles-based truedater.com which launched last January. Visitors can browse reviews from five dating services the company works work with — American Singles, Match.com, Yahoo Personals, Nerve.com, and Jdate, the Jewish singles site.

The site’s basic premise is to help determine whether the person reviewed is a ”true dater,” meaning he or she was honest in their description. Among the reasons for failed first cyber encounters is the person on the other side of the computer used a Kodak moment that was 10 years old and the physical descriptions were way off.

”In a perfect world, their profile is completely accurate,” says Diamond. ”You know how old they are or whether they have kids. But on occasion, you go to Starbucks and their cellphone might be ringing off the hook or they have a significant other or they may be married.”

The truedater.com postings take browsers on a journey through the good dates and bad. Some postings appear bitter. Other reviewers seem smitten by the date after meeting him or her.

Continued…on The Boston Globe website

Popularity: 10% [?]

Bill1852 has a “very middle-aged body topped with a fat balding head,” which may be true but seems almost cruelly over-descriptive.Emiss2004, on the other hand, is not only not “a spiritual student from Sweden,” she is, according to someone who dated her, “actually an escort who will con you out of your cash for her ‘tuition.’ ”

The world of online dating and Internet personal ads has never been known as a bastion of honesty. It’s more a place where voluptuous is considered a fair synonym for obese, and where that pesky wife and kids somehow never make it into the ad.

A new Web site, truedater.com, serves as a self-styled truth squad for the estimated 40 million to 60 million Americans who have dabbled in online personals. Since nearly all sites use anonymous names, anyone who has dated, say, Maninthemood_200 from match.com can post a review of what he is really like, as opposed to what his personal ad says.

Registration is free, and the site tracks personals from a variety of sites, including match.com and Yahoo Personals.

Since launching in January, the site has received about 1 million unique visitors, says Jamie Diamond, director of community relations. He would not say how many subscribers are registered, nor how many reviews are posted.

Truedater.com was started by Mark Geller, a single tech worker in California’s Silicon Valley who kept hearing horror stories about people posting 15-year-old photos and magically shedding 50 pounds in their Internet dating profiles.

Surprisingly, about half the reviews are positive.

“I figured it would all be negative,” says Jacqui Chew, 37, a Duluth marketer who’s a Truedater subscriber. “I was surprised to see some good reviews. But then I wondered, ‘If he’s that great, why aren’t you still dating the guy?’ ”

If someone posts a review that is itself false, Truedater will review the complaint and in a handful of instances, it has pulled a false review, Diamond says.

“We’re not asking if they are a good dater, did they take you to Sizzler instead of a nice restaurant?” says Diamond. “We’re trying to get to the facts — were they honest in their profiles?”

Despite that intent, sometimes reviews can capture succinctly an entire evening gone horribly wrong.

“If you go to karaoke, play it safe,” one man wrote about a woman he liked. “She’s not too keen on wacky uninhibited guys cutting loose to Whitesnake in front of her friends. At least not on a first date! Oops!”

The Atlanta Journal-Constitution

Popularity: 10% [?]

The women here - these daters - look familiar. You know the type. Trim, breezy, frank, supremely at ease making confessions to cameras. They’re recognizable anywhere now: reality-show Jens and Amys, spirited representatives of that plucky work force that dutifully fills the girls’ slots on offerings from “Blind Date” to “The Apprentice” to “Beauty and the Geek.” Oh, but not quite. With cutie graphics, a catchy name and a setup that maximizes the chances that characters will have sex, “Hooking Up” sure looks like reality Frappuccino. But it’s billed as hard news. Described as a “documentary series from ABC News” that “goes inside the unpredictable world of online dating,” “Hooking Up,” which starts tonight with the first of five parts, is brought to you by the same serious-minded journalists who created multipart documentary programs like “Hopkins 24/7,” “Boston 24/7″ and “N.Y.P.D. 24/7.” This time, their dispassionate quest for the truth about the human condition has led them to shine a bright light on the lives of single women who, desperate for love, date many men and sleep around.

Which means the women are real - realer, say, than reality stars. ABC’s news producers did not stage a casting call, cull their stars from a group of telegenic SoCal runaways, and pay them to run wild on Internet dating sites like Match.com and Lavalife. That’s what entertainment divisions do. Instead, they contacted the sites directly and asked for lists of women who were already sold on online dating, thus keeping things real. In somber interviews, they determined who among these women were willing, in addition to going out with men they knew only from Internet profiles, to have their dates and deliberations filmed and broadcast. Presto: sufficient exhibitionism and fizz to attract reality viewers with just enough credibility to count as news.

Look, I’m just pointing this out. I’m not the Columbia Journalism Review. If ABC News wants to go supersoft for the lady viewers who prefer lifestyle stuff to guns and ammo, that’s fine by me; I like reality television. And thus I find “Hooking Up” comical, sad, entertaining and enlightening. Its verité patina - in a format uncluttered by the redundant tribal-council-like rituals of many reality competitions - allows the characters a decent range of action and expression. And it’s illuminating about the marvels and shortcomings of online dating.

In brief narration in the voice of a dater we learn, “With 40 million Americans hooking up online, there’s got to be someone out there for me.” But that statistic is the end of the program’s pedantry. After that, we’re up close and personal with a dozen successful, attractive New York women, ages 25 to 38, as they condemn men, idolize men, tire of men and try again.

It’s a lively group. First there’s Amy, a baby-faced 28-year-old ingénue from South Dakota who wants both to marry and breed and to flex her considerable sexual power. Something in her giggle and forthright eccentricity makes her the program’s star. Cynthia, who is 34, is a grating, self-absorbed hair-salon manager; her stagy declarations of who she is - tough, sexy, choosy, take-no-guff - ring false, and her truest moment of emotion comes when she savors the prospect of an evening with the man the program calls her “occasional lover,” a guy she calls when she wants to have duty-free sex.

Lisa, a 36-year-old gynecologist, seems sane with a charming kittenish side, until she insists on giving a false name to a surgeon she meets, and refuses to disclose that they share a profession. This is coyness passing as self-protection or professional responsibility (she doesn’t want her patients or colleagues to recognize her online), and she seems a little too excited about it. (”If they know you’re a doctor, forget it. They’ll bring an engagement ring to the first date.”) Twenty-six-year-old Claire, whose job has something to do with selling Viagra, comes across as cute and kind; her rejection by one sad sack in mutton-chop sideburns seems unfounded.

A nasty 29-year-old photographer named Maryam prods irritatingly at her dates until they leave in bewilderment. (Dating tip: Don’t tell a guy he seems gay.) By contrast, Kelly, a 35-year-old grade-school teacher, seems unaware of the appeal of her sunny athleticism and guy’s-girl good nature. She has spasms of self-consciousness about her class background that lead her to sabotage herself.

Watching these women, and several others, as they date men they find online offers as much insight into the Internet as it does into romance. A big deal for online daters is how honest people are in the profiles they post, and in their pictures, which often seem so enhanced as to qualify more as painting than photography. The clumsiest online daters often greet would-be soul mates with angry accusations of false advertising. Others pride themselves on their ability to detect standard sleights of hand, including waist-up photos of women (”She may be hiding what’s called junk in the trunk,” a man shrewdly notes). And they earnestly explain to the cameras how much they despise online liars.

But the best of these daters, like the best of all daters, are also forgiving. Finding moments of tenderness and amusement in “Hooking Up” requires some equally forgiving attention to this infotainment series, but it’s well worth it. The players here are on quests to determine, of all things, what love means and where, if anywhere, it dovetails with technology and consumerism. That’s a worthy quest. When they’re honest with themselves, they discover in the vanity of others’ online portraits only the vanity - and longing - of their own.

Hooking Up

ABC, tonight at 9, Eastern and Pacific times; 8, Central time.

Terence Wrong, producer and executive producer; Brad Hebert and Bryan Taylor, co-producers; Rudy Bednar, senior executive producer; Phyllis McGrady, executive-in-charge.

Popularity: 10% [?]

NEW YORK - A fast-growing online dating service in Texas says it is offering its users something none of its big competitors can match: a safer date.

True.com, which was founded in Dallas last year, says it now has 3 million active members who agree to have criminal background checks done on themselves and their potential dates.

But Herb Vest, 60, the founder and chief executive of True.com, said that he isn’t satisfied with business success alone. He is lobbying state legislators to change the law so that online dating services must inform their clients whether or not they run background checks.

“We believe it’s our mission to end the divorce rate in the U.S., so we have to provide a wholesome environment,” said Vest, whose lobbying has led to proposed bills in Ohio, Michigan, Virginia, Florida and California.

If the legislation goes through, “you would see companies that offer online dating services would quickly start running background checks,” said Ohio state Rep. W. Scott Oelslager, a supporter of the bill. None of the six states has passed the legislation yet.

But critics say that True.com is preying on unsubstantiated fears that online dating is less safe than regular dating, presenting background checks as a panacea even though they are a flawed measure of criminal activity, demonizing the former prisoner population and working to legislate its business model to gain an edge over its competition.

Match.com, a division of the Internet giant InterActiveCorp, which has 18 million online dating members, surveyed its clients and found that 80 percent did not favor the legislation. “We’re not in the business of legislating love,” said Kristin S. Kelly, a senior director of public relations at Match.com.

Criminal background checks “might give someone a false sense of security,” said Gregg McCrary, a retired FBI profiler. “Only the FBI and other law enforcement have access to federal records,” McCrary said. “States don’t provide complete data.”

“I can’t imagine anyone in this day and age would go online assuming any level of safety, because it just doesn’t exist,” said Laura Daniels, an executive recruiter based in Forth Worth, Texas, who regularly runs background checks on her clients for employment purposes. “From my own professional experience, background checks aren’t accurate unless you go back 10 years and to different states, and still you can’t gather complete information.”

But proponents of the legislation say they are not looking for a guarantee of safety.

“The background checks won’t be 100 percent effective, but if they’re 50 percent effective, then that’s better than nothing,” said Jayne Hitchcock, the president of Working to Halt Online Abuse, a nonprofit group that monitors online harassment. WHOA said it works to empower victims and educate online users and law-enforcement personnel.

“This year so far we’ve received half a dozen complaints of harassment from people who met through an online dating service,” Hitchcock said. The highest number of complaints came from people who met through an online bidding service, in which the seller or buyer filed a harassment complaint, Hitchcock said.

According to statistics posted on WHOA’s Web site, more than half of self-reported complaints of harassment began either through an e-mail correspondence or from an Internet message board. “We don’t have it broken down by online dating,” Hitchcock said.

Others argue for some kind of regulation, particularly with regard to sex offenders. “Sexual predators will use any means possible to obtain victims,” said McCrary, the retired FBI profiler.

“More than 90 percent of sex offenders we monitor are getting in these online dating services,” said Grace Davis, the lead trainer at IPPC, an Internet and computer-monitoring system used by probation, parole and pretrial services.

IPPC monitored computer usage of sex offenders who were under a court order. Davis declined to give the total number of sex offenders monitored through IPPC.

Meanwhile, defenders of an unregulated online dating scene say this is much ado about nothing.

“I would say there are more safety issues when you meet people in bars,” said Daniels, who has been a member of Match.com for two years. “Or if I go to a mixer or a church singles group. I just have no expectation that any one group has a safer background than another.”

What’s more, advocates of ex-convicts’ rights say that the proposed legislation surrounding background checks is discriminatory.

“I think that’s another form of discrimination,” said Jason Bell, 33, who served 91/2 years in prison for an attempted murder conviction when he was 20.

Bell now works at Project Rebound, a program at San Francisco State University that helps former convicts attend college.

Bell has gone through the program and expects to graduate with a bachelor’s degree in sociology this spring.

“Unfortunately, it’s absolutely true” that the legislation “is discriminatory against criminals,” said Vest of True.com, whose father was killed during a crime. “But if that hurts their feelings, it doesn’t bother me a bit.”

Critics also pointed to a glitch. If the law were passed in one state and not another, how would that affect daters? “We have to work out these mechanics,” Oelslager said.

Some online startups - such as trustadate.com and safedate.com - are providing customers with the option of running a criminal background check on a potential date for a small fee.

“You can request someone to become a safe dater,” said Jeff Collins, 43, the chief executive of Safe Date and Integrated Screening Partners in Austin, Texas, which has provided background checks for employers for 11 years. “‘I’d like to meet you but I’m a single mom, so would you go through the process.”‘

Some regular users, though, don’t like the attention at all - particularly from the government. “Online dating is just a goofy way to meet people,” said Daniels, the Match.com user. “And the legislature has no business in my dating life.”

source: Columbia News Service/Journal Now

Popularity: 10% [?]

By Pam Wolstenholme

Mention Internet dating in conversation, and you will get varied reactions. Visions of meeting desperate women who can’t seem to meet and keep a man are common. Questions of why people would choose to meet an assortment of dirty old men looking for sex or stalkers searching for their next victim are frequent.

But just like the old wives tales that masturbating will make you blind and carrots will make you able to see in the dark, the stigma attached to Internet dating is old fashioned, outdated and fast becoming a mindset of the past. Research conducted last year by NETucation and Ramon Thomas (the publisher of this site), confirms that people using Internet dating are not the social outcasts many people in South Africa believe them to be.

It is in fact quite the opposite. Some quarter of a million people have tried Internet dating and this number is growing fast. Internet dating has become a reputable way for meeting people with the purpose of developing a relationship - be it a friendship, companionship, love or marriage. Two types of people are using Internet dating. Those who are having fun and trying out new things (mainly the younger 18-24 age group) and those more serious about it and looking to get something out of the process (mainly the older 33-49 age group). Most of people who use Internet dating have tertiary qualifications in IT, finance or admin and are earning over R10 000 a month. It sounds promising. Certainly not the dodgy demographics traditionally associated with online daters.Increasing pressure and workloads on young professionals means less time for meeting partners. People simply do not have the time to go through the traditional courtship process of wining and dining.

Online daters have woken up to this reality and have found Internet dating a suitable alternative. Another reason Internet dating is becoming more popular is people are fast becoming disillusioned with the club and bar scene. Potential partners met in this environment are rarely who they seem to be the night before. Be it the beer-goggles from the night before, or pretence on their behalf, success rates are not good enough. On the other hand, 84% of people using online dating profess to be honest when filling out their profile. Add to these reasons the high divorce rates and you are left with a lot of single people! Single people who are now offered the opportunity of meeting multiple partners and able to choose between them based on concrete knowledge of how well they fit their needs. They have the added benefit of getting to know potential partners before choosing to meet them face-to-face. This gives Internet daters the power of choice - a much sort after quality in today’s world.Internet daters are not a group of socially dysfunctional individuals who hide behind a computer out of sheer desperation for human contact. No. They are young, wealthy and worldly professionals looking for an alternative to the smoky bars and long, drawn out dinners. They are sick of having no time to meet people. They are looking to get to know potential partners first. Trying to prevent hurtling head first into unsuccessful relationships. So the next time you find yourself in conversation about Internet dating and its downfalls, remember this: It is not a question of being desperate. It’s a quick way to meet new people, and the chance to look before you leap.

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by Camilla Lloyd

Apparently, I am too late. Everyone has already discovered the coveted secret as to why men don’t understand what women want. “We’re just wired differently,” some friends confided in me, before glibly repeating a list of horrifying stereotypes.

Men are logical, ambitious, independent and unemotional. Women are emotional, irrational, illogical, blah blah blah…

The verdict: men and women are hopelessly incompatible.

Yet, people get married every day, some stay married, and, I have to hope, some even stay happily married.

The verdict: almost hopelessly incompatible. According to the stereotypes, men and women are complete opposites. Yet, studies in gender psychology show that where there are distinct differences in the thought processes of men and women, these differences are in fact only marginal. Men are not naturally better at Maths, nor are women necessarily better able to express their emotions.

The findings of the research consistently report discrepancies between gender roles in different countries, and an increase in gender differences as children reach puberty. The problem isn’t merely that men do not understand what women want, the problem is that they are taught by society not to understand.

The stereotypes I have already listed confirm that there are certain expectations as to how men and women behave. People learn these behaviours, and tend to exaggerate them during social interactions. So not only are men and women different, but we exaggerate our differences. It seems neither gender wants to be understood.

The verdict: hopelessly, frustratingly incompatible.

In the last century or two, relations between men and women have only gotten more confusing. Feminism encourages women to be more ambitious and independent, and to revel in their differences from men. As women become more masculine (and, one would think, more compatible) they become less attractive to men. Being feminine, and thus emotional and illogical, is ideal.

So men don’t understand what women want? Women don’t understand what men want!

The verdict: neither men nor women understand what the other gender wants, so perfectly compatible.

But, what do women want? The short answer is women themselves don’t really know. The long answer is everything and nothing. Women are raised to define themselves by their relationships. So if everyone is happy, women are happy; but if a woman is not happy, no-one is happy. At the risk of perpetuating some damaging stereotypes, women are walking contradictions. Hence, the reputation of irrationality. Women want stability with excitement, security without confinement.

More importantly, women want everything on their own terms. a). Women are never wrong. b). Women are never at fault. c). Men are always to blame.

Now, women know that sometimes they are wrong, that sometimes they are at fault, and that sometimes they are (partly) to blame.

If men want to try and understand women, don’t. Just humour us, and pretend you understand us. We’ll appreciate the gesture. The verdict improves significantly if you do.

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NEW YORK, March 31, 2005 - Remember the first time you heard about people meeting online? Maybe you thought “that’s weird” or “wow, times must be really tough.” But today, online dating is socially acceptable and totally mainstream.

Watch the video clip from CBS News

As a matter of fact, 26 million people visit dating sites each month. It’s predicted that consumers will spend over $500 million on online dating services this year.

So in day two of the “Looking for Love” series, The Early Show turns to AOL’s Consumer Adviser Regina Lewis for tips on finding love online.

Lewis says that for many singles, heading online is actually the preferred method of hooking up with potential dates because it offers them more control over their dating lives.

“First, they don’t feel like, ‘Woe is me, I guess it’ll happen when it happens,’” Lewis explains. “Second, they have more control over the screening process. You hold the cards. If you think you’re getting along well with someone, great. If you’re not, you move on. At the risk of sounding businesslike, it can be a lot more productive. That has inherent appeal for a lot of people with busy lives.”

But how many are actually finding love?

Lewis says about half of the people who date online claim to be “serious daters” who are hoping to find a long-term relationship or even a spouse. The other half, are “casual daters,” who simply want to meet more people and have a good time.

While there’s no unbiased, official data detailing relationships forged online, Match.com, the largest dating site, claims that about 200,000 users a year find the relationship they are looking for. Eharmony, another big player in the dating game, reports that so far 4,000 couples have married after meeting on their site.

Here are the newest trends in online dating:

Lewis says perhaps most surprising is the growing number of people over 55 who are giving online dating a try. That’s right, older Americans are the fastest-growing group looking for love on the Internet. Industry analysts say that about 18 percent of those dating online now are over 55.

The other big trend is the growing number of “niche” dating sites. We’re all familiar with the big names - Match.com, Eharmony, Love @AOL - but there are now sites for single Democrats and Republicans, single Jews and Muslims, single bike riders, single pet lovers. You name it, there’s probably a site for it.

With so many sites out there, Lewis offers the following tips on how to get started:

Check Out a Mainstream Site - Larger sites are well-established and have a larger pool of members which ups your chance for meeting a mate. Match.com has the most members. Eharmony is billed as catering to “serious daters” because it has a very comprehensive questionnaire designed to get a good feel for potential users.

Screen Posted Profiles - If you’re not sure which large site to choose, most sites will give you a “trial period” and allow you to screen profiles of other online daters. Compare the profiles and see which site has more of the kinds of people you’d most like to meet. You want to go where you think you’ll feel most comfortable.

Join a Niche Site - Once you’re comfortable with the online dating world, go ahead and join a site that’s tailored to your specific interests and personality. Most serious daters wind up joining a couple of sites - a large, mainstream dating service and a smaller, tailored one. Chances are you’ll find the most success this way.

Note: It will cost you to join most online dating services. Prices run anywhere from $10 to $50 a month. Generally, the longer you participate in the site, the less you’ll pay.

Of course, to really find a successful relationship online there are some “dos” and “don’ts” to follow. Here are Lewis’ suggestions:

DO Use a Great Photo - While you don’t have to be a model, pictures really, really matter. Personals with photos are 10 times more likely to be considered. Use something current, and don’t have anyone else in the shot with you. If you’re truly serious about finding love online, it may even be worthwhile to consider a photo shoot.

DO Be Specific - In your profile, don’t say, “Like sports.” Instead, say: “Enjoy fly fishing and skiing.” This does more than make you stand out. On most sites, users can do searches based on key words. The more specific you are, the more likely you are to come up at the top of search results driven by relevancy.

DO Adjust Your Profile - Face it, your profile is like a marketing campaign. Take a look at what’s working for you and what’s not. Shop the competition, see what attracts you, and steal some tricks of the trade. You should always be changing and updating your online profile.

Believe it or not, you can even hire a specialist to help you hone your profile. There are plenty of businesses out there designed to make your profile shine. They charge anywhere from $30 to $300.

DON’T Seem Desperate - Recognize that seeming over-eager, i.e. E-mailing several times a day or instant messaging on the hour, will make it appear that you’re ready to pick out wedding china and may scare off someone who’s not ready to take the plunge. Don’t lose out on a good thing by making this mistake.

DON’T Lie - If you truly want to find your soul mate online, lying will catch up with you sooner or later. Of course, you need to be aware that other people may be lying to you. Look for clues. Are they from Michigan, but pictured surfing? Are they a senior executive at 28? Sometimes the more clues you have, the more it doesn’t add up.

DON’T Move Too Fast - Relationships that start online tend to move quickly, but moving too quickly can be bad news. The usual sequence is to exchange online communication anonymously, then talk by phone, then agree to meet in a public place - an important safety tip.

Sites like eHarmony have even more sub-stages in place to help guard against fastracking the relationship. If someone is worth the wait, they’ll be there at the end of the sequence. You don’t want to set yourself up, believing that “THIS is your dream guy or girl” too early in the process, only to find they’ve elected to not write you back.

Finally, here are Lewis’ words of advice for those who are frustrated with the online dating process:

“The people I talk to who seem happiest with the process view it all as upside,” she says, “They’re happy to go on three or four dates a week (and that’s not an unusual run rate for people who put a lot of focus into this and have flexible schedules), even if many of them turn out to be not-so hot. They look at it as at least I’m getting out there. Others do get burnt by the process and often make comments like, ‘If I go on one more bad date, I am going to scream, and this is taking up tons of time and getting me nowhere.’” Then again, when you remind them, sitting at home also gets them nowhere, they tend to come around and concede, ‘I guess you’re right.’”

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