Cellphones, Cheating and Couples

Recently a question the following question was posted on the Bruin-ou.com forum: Should we as individuals be concerned about those ringing and in many cases “vibrating” cellphones of our girlfriends/boyfriends which we never get to see?

Here’s my response…Besides being a part-time dating coach I speak across South Africa to parents, teachers and teenagers about the pro’s and con’s of MXit/Cellphones and Facebook/Social Networking websites.

One book I read on this topic is Online and Personal by Jo Lamble and Sue Morris, two Australian psychologists and they make it clear that online affairs has the same impact as real-life affairs because of the emotional attachment that develops between a man and a woman. Both genders often fall into the trap of online relationships. It’s a trap in my view because you are more likely to be disappointed with the results because the people who use online dating websites, advance cash loan online paydaypayday loan best rate,best loan payday,best payday loan sitechicago in loan payday store,chicago loan payday storegeorgia in loan online payday,georgia loan paydayfast fax loan no payday66 funding loan payday routepayday cash advance utah,payday cash advance,payday cash advance washingtoncash day loan payday same,same day payday loan,day faxless loan payday samepayday loan onlinefax loan online payday,fax loan payday,fax loan payday withoutpayday loan store chicago30 day payday loanadvance loan payday software? ?cashadvance fax loan no paydayfaxless online payday loancheap payday loanloan until paydaybank loan no payday statementno checking account required payday loan,account checking loan no payday,no checking account payday loanapproval instant loan paydaycalgary payday loanfaxless loan online paydayaccount bank loan no paydaycash loan payday quick1000 loan no payday teletrack,no teletrack payday loan,loan no payday telecheck teletrackfast cash advance payday loannational cash advance5 advance cash illinois loan,cash advance loan illinoisadvance america cash cash,bank of america cash advance,cash advance americaquick no fax cash advance,quick cash advance,quick and easy cash advanceadvance cash faxing no,no faxing required cash advance,1000 advance cash faxing noadvance cash fax no,cash advance no fax required,1000 advance cash no faxadvance cash day loan payadvance cash fast loan paydayadvance cash loan loan paydaycash advance payday loancash loan payday quickpayday cash advance no faxing,advance cash payday ringtone,payday cash advancecash advance payday loan softwareace cash advanceadvance america cashpayday loan cash advance loanadvance cash settlement,advance cash chicago settlement,pre settlement cash advancecash advance,quick cash advance,cash advance loancash in advanceadvance cash fax machine no required,no fax cash advance,advance cash fax no onlinepayday cash loanadvance advance america cashadvance cash online requirement,online cash advance,cash advance online no faxingadvance cash overnight,advance cash loan overnight,overnight cash advance for the most part, do not have the confidence or personality, that would have prevented them from needing these dating websites in the first place.

Anyway from all the research, case studies and interviews I’ve conducted over the last 8 years I can say with confidence that you should be very, very concerned. Consider this fact: we have more distractions, more choice than we’ve ever had in the history of mankind. 30-40 years ago when your parents got married, there were NO CELLPHONES, NO INTERNET, NO FACEBOOK, so it was much less difficult to cheat or have this side relationships or temptations.

Here’s some guidelines by which I conduct myself…

1. Agree on cellphone etiquette early on in a relationship or a date. For example I tell a woman I’m switching off my cellphone and I expect the same from her. There’s no compromise here because if I’m getting to know someone I give them 100% of my attention and I expect nothing less. So if they ignore this request and their cellphone goes off, or receive and SMS during a dinner date (I never do these any more but maybe you do) I will politely excuse myself to the bathroom and leave. You can read the Leykis 101 rule where this comes from.

2. If they have MySpace or Facebook profiles have a look at their Friends and also their Relationship Status. Be firm with these profiles because if they are hiding their true relationship status from the world, that tells you everything you need to know about them.

3. Avoid women who cannot leave their cellphones alone for a few hours. Today both me and my girlfriend forgot our cellphones at home and there was no stress. She didn’t panic and force me to take her back home to fetch her phone and I led by example. I told her its going to be great having no distractions. She’ll have 100% of my attention and we must make the most of this day. And we did.


Paradox of Choice Most people are using their cellphones as an excuse to form deeper, more emotional relationships today. There’s many reasons why and some are explored in the book, The Paradox of Choice. I’m happy to do a personal consultations with couples with relationship/dating problems. Simply contact me for an appointment because this is a problem that will not go away on its own unless you take a firm decision in your relationships going forward.

 

Author: RJ Thomas

RJ Thomas is an International Relationship Builder. He was born in South Africa, and moved to China in 2013.

  • Nice article. I think it’s worth giving a try in order to find out the true status of one’s relationship.