Life After Speed Dating

It is Saturday evening, two weeks after you conquered the butterflies and tried speed dating. You are snazzing yourself up for your date with Peter, Speed Date #8. And asking yourself how on earth you managed to get yourself into this position, wondering what to do next, because, let’s be honest, these are unusual circumstances. You are about to go out with a guy whom you hardly know, except what you can learn in three to ten minutes – that he is Speed Dater #8, likes the colour red, has two brothers and one sister, and is an accountant. Breathe…

The Match-Up

At the beginning of the speed dating evening, each dater is given a piece of paper on which to evaluate their partners. Speed Dater #8 – Hot as heck, complimented me on my new top…he’s a winner 8/10. You can write down anything that strikes you about your partner. After fifteen dates in one evening it is highly doubtful that you will otherwise remember the details. When you hand the piece of paper in at the end of the evening, the organisers will match you up with partners who rated you equally highly. They will then supply each of you with the other’s email address or other contact details and leave you to get on with the rest of it.

The Call-Up

After the organisers have left you to it, it is up to you to initiate contact, or to disparage contact if you suddenly realise that you have made a huge mistake and marked #8 instead of #6. You may also get a number of matches, and you are not obliged to communicate with everyone whom you may have marked as a match. Remember that of your partners too. They may realise that another speed dater makes a better match, that they are really in love with their ex-girlfriend, or simply that they are not interested in dating at the moment. So, although it’s incredibly tempting, don’t retreat from the world to eat tubs of double chocolate ice-cream with caramel sauce if there is no contact from the other side. Just try again.

If you do find a connection however, the normal dating rules apply from here on out. There is the universal conundrum of when do I make contact? If I do it too soon, I’ll seem desperate. But if I wait too long, I might be invited to the wedding with speed Dater #11. Two to three days is long enough. After three days, you will have been forgotten, and the potential love of your life will already have plans for this weekend.

Email is the safest way to initiate contact. There is little risk of you catching a case of cold feet and slamming down the phone. I know people who find ‘The Phonecall’ so intimidating that they will actually rehearse the conversation, and write it down so they can consult it if they get stuck. By contrast, email seems the easy option. It is also safer. You don’t want Speed Dater #8-turned-psycho-stalker calling you at all hours of the night.

The tone of the email is up to you, but remember the nuances of conversation are often lost when written down. Those flirty jokes may come across as sexual harassment, and intimacy is rather more difficult to establish. At the other end of the spectrum, personality does not always come across through email. Your date may not come across as the super-sexy Speed Dater #8 that you remember, but that provides all the more reason to meet again in person.

The Hook-Up

Having made contact, it is tempting to arrange coffee immediately. However, you risk seeming desperate again. By allowing time to establish some semblance of a relationship, you make the first date a little less awkward. That is not to say that you should wait a month, but only until you have exchanged a few emails. You will then know a little bit more about the other person than could be discovered in three to ten minutes. You will know that your date had a big meeting on Wednesday, and so you can ask how it went.

Unfortunately, dating is not that safe, particularly for women. Speed dating allows you to screen potential dates, both on the evening and by establishing contact via email. But this still does not offer you complete security. Ensure the date is in a public place, that you do not reveal too much personal information until you feel comfortable, and that a friend knows where you are going.

So there you are – it is a Saturday evening, and you are snazzing yourself up for a date with Peter, Speed Dater #8. You have done everything right thus far. You look good, and, from what you can remember, he looks good too. There is no reason to have heart palpitations. Technically, this is not even a first date, it is a second date to the shortest first date in the world. Apply all the techniques you used to snag the speed date, and you will be just fine. It may work out, it may not, but hey you deserve credit for giving it a shot.

Checkout our list of Speed Dating companies in South Africa

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