Opinion: Men vs Women Verdict

by Camilla Lloyd

Apparently, I am too late. Everyone has already discovered the coveted secret as to why men don’t understand what women want. “We’re just wired differently,” some friends confided in me, before glibly repeating a list of horrifying stereotypes.

Men are logical, ambitious, independent and unemotional. Women are emotional, irrational, illogical, blah blah blah…

The verdict: men and women are hopelessly incompatible.

Yet, people get married every day, some stay married, and, I have to hope, some even stay happily married.

The verdict: almost hopelessly incompatible. According to the stereotypes, men and women are complete opposites. Yet, studies in gender psychology show that where there are distinct differences in the thought processes of men and women, these differences are in fact only marginal. Men are not naturally better at Maths, nor are women necessarily better able to express their emotions.

The findings of the research consistently report discrepancies between gender roles in different countries, and an increase in gender differences as children reach puberty. The problem isn’t merely that men do not understand what women want, the problem is that they are taught by society not to understand.

The stereotypes I have already listed confirm that there are certain expectations as to how men and women behave. People learn these behaviours, and tend to exaggerate them during social interactions. So not only are men and women different, but we exaggerate our differences. It seems neither gender wants to be understood.

The verdict: hopelessly, frustratingly incompatible.

In the last century or two, relations between men and women have only gotten more confusing. Feminism encourages women to be more ambitious and independent, and to revel in their differences from men. As women become more masculine (and, one would think, more compatible) they become less attractive to men. Being feminine, and thus emotional and illogical, is ideal.

So men don’t understand what women want? Women don’t understand what men want!

The verdict: neither men nor women understand what the other gender wants, so perfectly compatible.

But, what do women want? The short answer is women themselves don’t really know. The long answer is everything and nothing. Women are raised to define themselves by their relationships. So if everyone is happy, women are happy; but if a woman is not happy, no-one is happy. At the risk of perpetuating some damaging stereotypes, women are walking contradictions. Hence, the reputation of irrationality. Women want stability with excitement, security without confinement.

More importantly, women want everything on their own terms. a). Women are never wrong. b). Women are never at fault. c). Men are always to blame.

Now, women know that sometimes they are wrong, that sometimes they are at fault, and that sometimes they are (partly) to blame.

If men want to try and understand women, don’t. Just humour us, and pretend you understand us. We’ll appreciate the gesture. The verdict improves significantly if you do.

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