A few years ago I dated a single mother. And it was actually great because she shipped the kids off to her mother and they never impacted on our time together. And in the end I pressured her to spend more time with them. This led to an amicable split. Subsequently I had another encounter with a single mother. This was a complete disaster because there was a continued compromise of time we could spend together. Suffice it to say it didn’t go anywhere. And even before I came across Leykis 101 rule on not dating single mothers, I already came to my own decision to avoid them. Its this simple: a single mother will always, always put her children ahead of you. So if you are a unmarried guy with no kids, like me, never settle for a relationship with a single mother. Its pathetic because there are so many woman without children out there.
Now just last night I had an experience with going out with a friend of mine, who also happens to be a single mother. I’m a regular salsa student at the Dance Junxion in Mall of Rosebank, Johannesburg and last night they hosted on of their regular a latin dance parties. I had invited her and a few other people along earlier in the week. They all said they had other plans so I decided to go alone. I got over this going out alone thing a very long time ago.
Well my single mother friend called me on Saturday afternoon to check if I’m still going to the Havana Nights party. I said yes, and I’m going alone. So she asked if she could come along and if I would pick her up. I agreed. We go out often to bars and clubs and she’s helped me with instant social proof. Something was off because when I picked her up, one of her dogs bit me! Damn! The universe was telling me this is not the right thing to do. Like Paulo Coelho says, it was an omen, and I ignored it.
Later on at the party I was having a good time because there was about three to four women for every guy. And all the women were wearing these fantastic dresses and high heeled shoes which accentuate their legs. And I realised I’d been going to all the wrong places to meet women. Here at the Dance Junxion most of the women were single, had fantastic figures and were always willing to talk or dance with you! Well my single mother friend pissed me off because she wanted to leave. I eventually took her home and returned promptly. Her reasoning was that there was not enough guys. She wasn’t getting the amount of attention that she is used to. What a pathetic existence it must be to be such an attention hore. I decided then and there I will never go out with her again.
So my friend I want to advise you to learn from my mistakes. Do not waste your time with single mothers, to date them, to have them as friends. Let them sort out their own shit. And do not get trapped into believing you need to be nice or polite or friendly. Generally speaking single mothers cannot give back as much as they want from other people. Why? Because of their responsibility.
My own mother sacrificed so much of her own happiness because of being a single mother. That my friend is a story for another day.
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12 comments ↓
I agree here. I dated 2 single mothers before and almost never went out. If we did go out, they worried about their kids. I made it a point a long time ago to avoid single mothers. I have nothing against them, I just won’t date them
What a load of hogwash! Typical coming from men. Most single mothers are amazing, stable, genuine, confident, assertive, determined and beautiful women. The problem is that South African men want their women to be dependent on them in some way or another. Most SA men cannot handle their girlfriends or wives having their own career, friends, money, thoughts, passions, etc. if it doesn’t revolve around the male counterpart in their lives. Where’s the respect for a woman who decided she’s had enough of one man’s crap and would rather go it on her own in this life. It speaks volumes more than having her move out of one man’s house and into another’s. I find it ironic that because of one man in our lives having screwed up, all other men feel they have the right to crucify us. We are women who know what we want and are willing to be equal partners in every sense of the word - to a man who is worth his salt. Put that in your pipe and smoke it
i certainly disagree just because a woman is a single parent does not mean she doesnt need companionship.Grow up one day it could be your very own daughter in that situation what will your response be then when someone she likes wont date her because she has kids.
You guys sound really needy. And angry.
What if some brilliant, gorgeous woman’s husband had been killed in combat in Iraq? What if he’d had a heart attack while running the marathon? And she was left alone with the kids.
You’d avoid this women just because they won’t pay enough attention to you?
Single moms like us are doing just fine without your harsh attitudes.
I wonder if you would be so nasty if a single father were dating. I doubt it.
Hey Rachel,
You and the other women who’ve posted comments here have obviously not dated a single mother. Otherwise you would understand or try to understand where I am coming from.
So let me remind you. I’ve dated two single mothers in the last three years. The relationship with the first one lasted a year. And I encouraged her to spend more time with her kids because she sorta fobbed them off to her mother.
Now maybe other guys are desperate and needy and will date single mothers. I just don’t think its a fair trade.
I’m unmarried, no kids, no baggage, own business, own car, own house, etc, Masters degree. And I want what I deserve which is young, hot girls with no kids! There is thousands turning 18 every day in this country
Not every woman who is a single mother is one by choice. Let’s not overlook the fact that it is men who turn women into being single mothers. Perhaps you should first urge men to realize that women or girls are people first before sexual conquests.I am sure that way the amount of single women becoming mothers will drop.
I can guarantee you 99% of men only wanted to have sex and NOT a baby. And if all men are expected to wear condoms, ALL WOMEN should be expected to use an additional contraceptive. Men ONLY have one contraceptive while women have 11 to choose from! Can you image that? Eleven different options! You can find out more here.
On single Mothers: I just got married a few months ago, and that was to a single Mother, who is also currently carrying our Son, Peyton. Personally, I never thought that I would ever go down this route, and I have had some recently crap times with a woman, but that was due to die anyway. Bottom line, Children are not a crutch- and people see them as such, well they have their own issues to deal with.
I am not saying that we all need to hook up with single Moms, but its all about what you want out of life, and if the individual meets your needs in this regard. Its often hard for a man to raise another man’s child, but then again, most men who leave women single Mom aren’t Father’s rather, they are donar’s of genetic material… that’s all.
Guys, choice is yours - works for some, and may not work for others, but most men have this thing with a woman having been ‘touched’ by another man- frankly, that is immature, one-sided and judgemental- I have learnt those of us who drop the judging are the one’s who hit it off with women. I learnt after my last experience to change my view belief system, and now things are so much better and while I am married and happily so- women are much more attracted to me and enjoy my company.
By the by, my Wife is Amazing and my Step-Son, a gem and our unborn Son Peyton healthy and growing quickly. Its time I started to enjoy my success and this former Single Mom is the one I am sharing my World with.
Five steps to a HAPPY LIFE for any man
contemplating marriage!
1. A man should go to family or divorce court and sit in on a session and witness for himself how fair the sy$tem is towards men. A man should sit close enough so he can hear the dialog between the woman and her (free feminist-supplied) attorneys.
2. Never date or marry a woman who already has children. (a no-win situation)
3. Never date or marry a woman who puts a career or her “favorite” pet (e.g. cat, bird, ostrich, kangaroo) ahead of her children/husband/boyfriend.
4. NEVER!! NEVER!! NEVER!! Get a joint bank account. In case of any trouble in the relationship, the feminist handbook teaches her to empty such an account (even if she hasn’t put a cent into it) faster than one can say the word “$money$”!
5. Never completely move into a home with a woman (whether married to her or single). A man should ALWAYS maintain his own house/apt/room. This is safety-insurance when the woman dials 911 and tells the police that she’s merely “afraid” of him or he slammed the door!
That is all it takes for the man to be arrested and driven out of his home into the street and cut off from his children. According to the feminist handbook, this is a quick and dirty guide to getting rid of the husband/father of the children, gain custody and possession of the home and the easiest way to make room for a new boyfriend!
ramond thomas, you arrogant,ignorant, superficial wimp of a man.Where do you come from? earth? certainly not with your stinking attitude.
Let me inform you of something that you obviously know nothing about.
I happen to be a young, hot, independent mom of a six month old beautiful baby girl.Never did I know narrow-minded people like you existed.
So because you had a few bad experiences with single moms it makes you the authority on the matter.I think not.
Because of your attitude you will never find anyone with the depth and wisdom that someone as young as me has acquired.
God,you really are putting South African men in bad light.Now at least I know what not to look for in a REAL MAN.Your comments make me sick to my stomach.What a turn off!
Melissa, I appreciate your feedback. Obviously you are hot and single or else you would not bother to comment. Where’s the father, where the hunk you had sex with now?
No wonder with such a HOT headed attitude he’s missing in action.
All you single women just complain. I’ll say it again: Until you’ve dated a single mother don’t tell us unmarried guys we should.
Hey, I’m pretty late in the game to reply but anyhow here’s my two cents.
I’m a single mom of a 5 year old. I’m dating a really great guy - its still in the new stage - we’ve been together a coupla months - so he’s only been around my daughter as my ‘friend’. I don’t know where it will go but for now we are enjoying ourselves.
Sure I have to put my daughter first. That stands to reason. Luckily i have a supportive family who baby sit about twice a week at nights. I see my guy on weekends when my daughter is with her dad and we meet up at lunch times - so far its working well.
That said I do understand where you are coming from. Its isn’t as easy being with someone who is a mother. You will get less attention then you would from a girl who has all the time in the world to spend on you.
I guess it just depends what you want. The guy I’m with is very independant, tended to feel smothered in other relationships. I on the other hand don’t have the time to smother him, check up on him etc so it works for him too.
Each to their own I say. If it doesn’t work for you don’t go there. If it does cool.
But don’t be fooled. A single mother can be just as hot as a someone who doesn’t have kids. The guy i’m with didn’t think he would be with a single mom but chemistry happens…
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