Speed Dating and Body Language

Humans are remarkably similar to animals. Despite the faculty of speech, most human communication occurs through body language. And now speed dating, like animal courtship, allows you the chance to choose a partner based on a short period of strutting and posing. Your date is not going to jump into your lap and pull ticks out of your hair, so you need to learn how send and receive the subtleties of body language.

Your date likes you if:
-he smiles at you. A ‘true’ smile is one which changes rapidly from a small movement to a broad expression, and crinkles the corners of the eyes.
-his pupils dilate.
-his eyebrows rise and fall as soon as he sees you.
-he maintains eye contact. But, if, at some point in the conversation, he drops his gaze to look downwards, it means he feels comfortable with you.
-he mirrors your body language. We subconsciously imitate people we like, even to the point of speaking like them.
-his legs are pointed in your direction.

If you like your date, then:
-smile.
-don’t fidget or cross your arms. This will tell him that you feel uncomfortable in his presence.
-during the course of the conversation, lean forward. But respect his personal space. To lean forward too early into the date is threatening. If he leans forward too, you know the feeling is mutual, but if he sits back, retreat!
-don’t touch him. In a relationship of only 3 minutes, touching is uncalled for.
-look at him while he is speaking, but don’t stare. Lean your head to one side you show you are interested.
-mirror his behaviour, but not to the point that you look as though you are making fun of him.
-flick your hair, gently and sparingly.

There are unfortunately shady characters out there. So beware if:
-he won’t make eye contact with you. It’s widely believed that to look left while speaking indicates the person is lying.
-he fidgets and crosses his arms. He is obviously uncomfortable around you. It may just be the case that he is shy, but do you really want to spend valuable time trying to get through to the ‘inner him’?
-he leans too far into your personal space or tries to touch you.
-his gestures are wide and aggressive. Pointing, raising his voice and sudden movements are all aggressive.
-if his body tells you one thing, but his speech tells you another. Body language is generally taken to be more revealing, because it is largely unconscious.

But bear in mind that when a dog wags his tail, it means he’s happy. When a cat wags his tail, beware. Every person is different. Don’t base your diagnosis on one signal, but rather on a few supporting ones. And trust your instincts. It’s a cliché, but a true one.

Download my Speed Dating ebook here.

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