Speed Dating Talk

by Camilla Lloyd

Have you ever been played the dating game where the other person answers only in one word answers? It is not that much fun.

“So, how are you?” you ask, a little nervously, because the beginning of a date is always the most awkward.

“Fine.”

“Great…So, what do you do?”

“Accountant.”

By the end of the evening, you are either staring suicidally into your cup of coffee or engaged in a monologue with yourself about the weather, the venue, and a niggling pain in your toe.

Speed dating, fortunately, means that the pain is distributed evenly, and so no one person has to be subjected to Mr/Miss One-Word for too long. But if you are Mr/Miss One-Word you have just wasted an evening and many a precious word. So here are some simple guidelines to a scintillating conversation.

Cat got your tongue?

No matter if you speak one word or ten, if you don’t speak clearly your date wont have a clue what you are saying. The conversation will run something along the lines of “Huh? Sorry, I didn’t quite catch that…Pardon?” And when your date gets tired of that, there will be the puzzled, but otherwise blank, stare, accompanied by the slow nod. People who mumble are often thought to be shy and to lack self-confidence, which is a definite dating turn-off. Not only that, but your date wont be able to get to know you, and so wont have anything on which to base his decision at the end of the evening.

Dating, nevermind speed dating, can be nerve-wracking. When we get nervous we not only resort to a variety of bad fidgeting habits, but we also speak faster. Speaking fast, although sometimes taken to be sign of intelligence, also makes it more difficult for your date to make sense of what you are saying. On the other hand, don’t speak too slowly or over-pronounce your words either, because your date may think you a bit thick. You also want avoid driving your date to boredom.

At a loss for words?

A speed date lasts only between 3 and 10 minutes, so you don’t really have time to chitchat about the weather, the venue, and the niggling pain in your toe. While the general tone of your conversation will give an idea about your chemistry, you also need information that will describe your compatibility on an intellectual level. “What do you do?” and “What are your hobbies?” are some frequently used questions, and the answers contain vital information for the compatibility test. But when you have asked and been asked these same questions over and over it can get fairly boring.

Ask questions about things you are interested in. If you are interested in music, ask about your date’s musical taste or what they thought of your favourite band’s latest CD. Find out about your date’s interests. Questions that have only a ‘yes’ or ‘no’ answer will prove unhelpful, unless followed by a more probing ‘why’ question. Throw in an unusual question to spice up the conversation – “If you were stranded on a desert island but could choose to take three things with you, what would those three things be?” or “What is the craziest thing you have ever done?”

It might be useful to plan what questions you are going to ask, especially if you are the type of person who gets easily flustered. But that doesn’t mean that you have to follow the questions verbatim. The questions are merely meant to help the conversation flow. Key to keeping the conversation flowing is balance. Don’t dominate the conversation, and don’t allow the other person to dominate either.

A speed dating evening will give you the ideal opportunity to test and perfect your conversation skills. Just remember, above any other advice I can give you, be yourself – yourself at your best.

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