For the last few weeks, and seems like the last few months I’ve been stuck in the same groove. Something happened and I think I know what it is. Before I share that not so obvious secret with you, I wanna tell you what’s happened. My hobbies have become mere illusions and sometimes even delusions. I stopped doing my daily Tai Chi Chuan, I’ve stopped going to art classes, stopped going to movies on half-price Tuesdays, I’ve stopped doing many things that brought great satisfaction into my life.
What’s been the result of all this? Simply put, my life has become filled with nonsense, mundane nonsense. And I have almost nothing to show for it. Seemingly things went from bad to worse in December when I had massive arguments with my girlfriend at the time, got into a car accident, almost got killed in a attempted hijacking, and eventually had a car breakdown, as well being forced to sublet my bachelor pad. This was almost too much because I was stuck in the same groove yet again.
January did not turn out to be much different. For the most part I was hiding from the world by pretending to work. And what I now realise is that the work I thought I was doing was more of a distraction than anything else. Do you know the feeling you have after a long day at the office, you get home and you feel like you did nothing meaningful? Well this is what has been going through my mind on a daily basis as we entered 2010. More of the same was to be had from the ex-girlfriend who never ceased to amaze me to what lengths she would go to keep the emotional rollercoaster going.
A fool was I, because I kept on trying to rescue the situation, rescue the relationship, instead of rescuing myself. Then February arrived, the month of love, and I finally got my way and took a 3-week break in Uitenhage. Away from all the drama, away from all the confrontations, away from all mess that I used to call my so-called life in Johannesburg, the New York City of Africa. And what did I achieve during those 3-weeks? Almost nothing at all, certainly nothing significant like a new ebook or a new project to get me back into the talk show circuit. The reason, I was stuck in the same groove.
So now we’ve arrived in March 2010 and its less then 100 days before the FIFA Soccer Worldcup kick off. There is a real buzz in the air and the excitement is growing in leaps and bounds. Except for my own mind, which is stuck in a same old groove. As I write this, my first real blog post in decades (sic) I realise that breaking from the same old groove has to be my biggest goal. So whatever I end up doing next I have to find a way to break the repeating pattern, to break the silence, to become groovy again as Austin Powers would have me say 😉
Oh, by the way, I put way too much energy into my relationship and forgot what makes me Ramon Thomas. So the short lesson here is, never focus more on your partner than on yourself. Make yourself happy first, and the rest will follow. Seek first the Kingdom of God (the Kingdom of God is within you)…