In a country just opening up to the culture of the dating scene it?s hard when you?re newly single to know what to do or where to go. SMARTdate owner Jenny Cereseto will present a number of workshops, with Ramon Thomas, a well known dating coach over the course of the controversial exhibition, Sexpo with intent to educate single people about the dating game.
“As an exhibitor I want to make the dating concept something people understand and remove any hesitation they may have had in the past,” says Jenny Cereseto, owner of SMARTdate. “Most of my clients find speed dating helps expand their social life and in that way meet new people for dating and relationships. Speed dating is a great way of improving confidence, developing social skills and finding a partner.”
Sexpo began in Australia, where the biggest public exhibition is held. Joburg’s version is expected to draw up to 30 000 visitors. The expo, being held from September 27 to 30th at Gallagher Estate, will host 100 exhibitors offering books, toys, gadgets, health, fashion, dating and lingerie.
“Most people today are overwhelmed by choice. Internet dating and cellphones make things easier and more difficult at the same time,” says Ramon Thomas, South Africa’s #1 Dating Coach. “My mission is to show people how to convey what they have to offer and meet better quality people.”
Some of what men will learn at the Sexpo:
- how to overcome social programming
- attraction vs romance vs love
- advanced body language
- eliciting women’s values
- setting up short, medium and long term relationships
An interesting dichotomy emerges in the dating industry with all online dating and SMS dating companies are run by men with majority of users being men. The opposite holds true for most speed dating and dinner dating companies. They are run by women and attract more women than men to their events. ?Men hide behind their computer or cellphone screens instead of going out and meeting woman,? says Thomas. ? I’m determined to show them how to do it.?
There are currently over 40 dating service providers operating in South Africa. This number excludes most SMS services who come and go and old fashioned social clubs, who advertise mostly in local classifieds. Most dating companies do not offer any advice to their clients. While the worldwide trends are that they partner with dating gurus or life coaches.
Thomas confirms the biggest problem in the dating industry is that there is no regulation. Users of online, speed or SMS dating services have no independent body to report any complaints to for investigation. And Thomas has become the unofficial industry ombudsman.
Here is some anecdotes on problems my coaching clients, who are very successful otherwise, have had when it comes to women:
One guy about 35 was a very good dancer which already sets him apart from most other guys. His problem was he just could not overcome his approach anxiety so he always ended up dancing with women he already knew. I showed him how easy it is to approach women he did not know, initiate a conversation and later on dance with them. Another client of mine is a much older guy who was divorced when I met him. After 20 odd years of marriage he just had no clue how to go about socialising with single people. So we create a social life for him from scratch. First by getting better clothing, second by identifying the best places to meet the kind of women he wanted to meet. And thirdly how to structure conversations using what’s called patters on threads to create deep rapport. He is a very successful guy and has a lot of life experience but his main problem was not being able to convey his best attributes without coming across as bragging.
If you are interested in improving your social success and your dating and relationships with the opposite sex please checkout my coaching program here.
So here’s a short video clip of him followed by some great advice about not limiting your conversation to talking to women but also talking to men.
If you’re limiting your interactions to women only, you’re missing the boat. Whether you need
a new wingman or just want to look social, talking to men is essential. Some of the greatest
contacts I’ve made and the greatest experiences I’ve had are due to speaking to other men.I truly believe that you’re only one interaction away from everything you want. The problem is that you don’t know which interaction it will be. I proved this theory most recently when I was
waiting for a client at the bar. An older gentleman came up to order a drink and the conversation went like this:
Me: How’s everything?
Him: Everything’s great. You?
Me: I’m awesome. Just waiting for a friend. Where are you from?
Him: Boston. You?
Me: Here. What’s on the agenda tonight?
Him: I’m going to the Maxim Magazine party with a bunch of models and celebrities…would you like to join us?
Welcome to my life. I have hundreds of stories like the above and it’s one of the reasons that
my life is like an adventure every day. I never know what’s going to happen.
Body: Hey (name), I know it’s a little weird getting an email from another guy, but I’m seeking
male friends who share my passion for women. As you can see from my page, I’m building a great social life. Maybe we’ll hang out sometime, talk to women, have a few laughs and drinks. Give me a shout back if you’re interested.
Cheers,
John
P.s. If you’re not great with women, that’s cool too. I can help point you in the right direction.
This is a response I wrote to the Editor of the Metro section of the Sunday Times, in response to readers feedback published here.
Being a dating coach is a part-time interest and my primary occupation is online research. My online dating research project has been widely covered since 2004 in various media ranging from Business Day to True Love, television shows like Carte Blanche, 3Talk as well as the controversial show “SEX, etc” on M-NET last year, with sexologist, Dr Elna McIntosh, where I was interviewed on how the Internet is changing the sexual behaviour of people today. Therefore there is no doubt about my level of professionalism and credibility in this regard.
In general most guys wear lots of bland colours and this results in them all looking very similar. By creating contrast with bright colours a man stands out from the pack and thus uses what is called “peacocking” in evolutionary biology terms. Charles Darwin’s theories on sexual selection explains this phenomenon in great detail and more recently in Matt Ridley’s book, The Red Queen (see chapter 5: The Peacock’s Tale).
Women can buy their own drinks and are not going to bars or clubs for men to do so. Instead they seek stimulation conversations and when a man buys her a drink BEFORE getting to know her it can be considered supplication.
Again giving a woman a compliment before she has an opportunity to demonstrate what is compelling about her, puts the man in the same boat as all the other men who have given her a similar compliment. A woman will value a compliment about something unique or different from the generic, overused, “you’re beautiful” type of compliments that most men give women.
Lastly most men know they should be using condoms. And those who don’t are ignorant of the risks of contracting a sexually transmitted disease. Based on my research the general difference between how men and women view sex is best described by this analogy: when a man sees an attractive woman he first thinks “what would sex be like with her”, while a women seeing an attractive man may think, “what would a relationship be like with him.” You only have to ask yourself why men, over the centuries continue to pay for sex with prostitutes. And you will realise they are in most cases not looking for a relationship with the prostitute, rather they want sexual gratification. So a man who wants to establish a sexual relationship with a woman can avoid falling into the “just friends” category by having a rule that says, if by the third date he has not had sex with her, he should move on because his chances of forming a sexual relationship with her diminishes drastically and she may in fact not be attracted to him for all good reason e.g. lack of confidence.
The aim is not to have sex with every woman you meet but to understand how to form a sexual relationship with a woman that you desire to have one with.
