The Rules by Ellen Fein & Sherrie Schneider

The RulesA self-help book with a simple set of do’s and don’ts which evidently lead you to where you want to be… the question is are these rules simple? The author’s of ‘The Rules’ have compiled a list of 35 Rules to help commit you to a healthy relationship.

My first thought was how stringent is this book, but after much deliberation to some extent the rules do work. But as a woman how far do you take them? How hard to get can you play before the man of your dreams gives up or finds someone else, believing you are not interested?

Ellen Fein and Sherrie Schneider are however both married with children, so perhaps they do know what they are talking about. For instance my view has changed and I now agree: treat the men we want, as we treat the men we don’t want. After all isn’t it the ones we don’t want running after us? How would we treat the men we don’t want? Perhaps by following the rules in the book and ending the date first, by not calling him and rarely returning his calls, by not being available all the time especially at a last minute whim, don’t see him more than once or twice a week, don’t open up too fast, no more than casual kissing on the first date and don’t rush into sex!

But rule # 9 states how to act on date 1, 2 and 3, ‘All you have to do on the first three dates is show up, relax and pretend you are an actress making a cameo appearance in a movie”. The thing is how many of ‘us’ women actually enjoy acting and pretending, isn’t it all about being ourselves? Mystery is important, but what about going with the flow, and enjoying the moment. I have a friend who initiated her relationship and from the word go were intimate and inseparable. They have as of last month been married for 5 years and happily at that!

What about rule # 26, once you are married: don’t initiate sex even if you want it badly. I personally don’t see anything wrong with the wife in a marriage or long-term relationship, putting some spark into the relationship, and arranging a romantic evening, and yes that includes initiating sex.

Taking the example of my friend above this situation is debatable because if we compare this scenario to ‘Sex and the City’, where none of the characters are happily married and no rules are applied to their life. Are they happy not being married? And if they followed the rules would they be happy? Would Carrie have landed her man happily ever after had she followed all the rules, of course the possibility is there.

All in all this entire book is an entertaining and lighthearted read; it provides for a chuckle and puts across satisfactory points. I would recommend reading it; just maybe you are doing something wrong in dating and need to follow the rules to capture your man! You will never know if you don’t try.

A self-help book published by Warner Books/New York/1995

 

Author: RJ Thomas

RJ Thomas is an International Relationship Builder. He was born in South Africa, and moved to China in 2013.