Top 10 Online Dating Myths interview with Coach Katherin

April 26th, 2006 | Interviews

This is a very old myth. There are incredibly successful, intelligent people who are online dating as a means of meeting their life partner. Check out the top 10 misconceptions people make in online dating. Listen in while Dr. Wright interviews Coach Katherine to discuss the top 10 myths in online dating.Dr. Wright

This is Dr. Letitia Wright for idcdating.com where we are creating multicultural relationships every day. Today, my guest is Coach Katherine. And we are going to be talking about the top 10 online dating myths.
But first I want to tell you about Coach Katherine. She devoted her life to the pursuit of love and romance. Not just for herself but for the millions of single people who want love in their lives. Katherine coaches singles worldwide and teaches them seminars and workshops to help people empower themselves. And empower themselves to find love and happiness. Coach Katherine assists you to live the life you love with the love of your life.

Welcome.

Coach Katherine:

Thank you. It is great to be here.

Dr. Wright

We are talking about the top 10 online dating myths. And Coach Katherine has some really great information to share with us. So I just want to dig right in. What is our number 1 online dating myth?

Coach Katherine:

Number 1 is I do not need help dating people. Well, my guess is people are not lined up at your door waiting to date, right? So we need all the available tool, person, support group that we can to find people so that we can find that perfect match. And using the tool of online dating is a perfect way to be able to search your millions of singles and find that one perfect match.

Dr. Wright

So really they should look at online dating as a tool not as an indictment on their personality.

Coach Katherine:

Exactly. Exactly. And it does not mean that you stop looking for people around you but ask your friends. Let people know that you are looking for love. Get online. Do not be shy about it if that is what you want in your life. Use this wonderful tool of online dating to find that one special person for you.

Dr. Wright

Okay. Number 2.

Coach Katherine:

Number 2. The Internet is not safe.

Dr. Wright

That is a big one.

Coach Katherine:

That is a big one. And it is interesting because who is on the Internet is a slice of the population. So they are pretty much saying the world is not safe. Well, maybe that is the way they look at it. But you got to be smart, you got to use common sense and be safe online. But you know what? It is interesting because online you can sort through, you can email, you can even talk on the phone. And people never know your personal information.
When you decide that it is a good match or someone you want to date, then and only then do you give out that information. So it is actually safer than being in a club and having some guy follow you. On my dating sites have got layers and layers of software into the tools to make sure that you are safe when you are talking to people online.

Dr. Wright And we just probably need to use common sense just like the precautions we would use on a new person we meet in person. We did the same thing online.

Coach Katherine:

Exactly. That common sense is about finding inconsistencies in what they are saying or hesitancy. Check it out. But the bottom line is do not give out your personal information until you are ready to do that and so it is actually safer online than it is not.

Dr. Wright

Okay. Number 3.

Coach Katherine:

Number 3. Online dating is for losers. This is a very old myth. And years and years ago, we started with the personal ads in newspapers. And then when the online dating took on, now there are just incredible quality, successful, intelligent people who are online because they are too busy. They have fabulous lives but they never want someone in their life and so they are using online dating as a way of finding a fabulous person for them.

Dr. Wright

And all through history busy people have used some other tool to help them find a mate. And this maybe in the year 2006 online is a great tool for busy people.

Coach Katherine:

Exactly. Exactly. There is a lot of professional, intelligent people out there.

Dr. Wright

Great. Okay. Number 4.

Coach Katherine:

Number 4. I meet people all the time. Yes. That is great. But think of how many millions of people you can actually meet online very quickly, very easily. It is a terrific tool. You can filter through. You can figure out what it is that you want. And how close in terms of location they are to you. And you can then email those people.

Dr. Wright

And you can be as specific as you want when you are doing that online dating.

Coach Katherine:

Yes. And a lot of these dating online dating sites are getting extremely specific in terms of how you can pick those people that have those characteristics that you are looking for.

Dr. Wright

Because I know in idcdating.com we specialize in multicultural relationships. Those people who are open to meeting people around the world this is the place for them but every - - and this is for everybody probably.

Coach Katherine:

Exactly. Yes.

Dr. Wright

Okay. Let us go on to number 5.

Coach Katherine:

Number 5. I am not desperate. Well, neither are the people that are online. They are busy. They are wanting a larger pool to choose from. You might have a great person that is only 10 miles away from, from where you work. But you will never meet them necessarily if you are just out and about. But if they are online it is very easy to find them. And (inaudible) get it for the busy people who are looking for a larger pool to date from and to find their mate from.

Dr. Wright

And maybe you just do not want to date from those small pool that you are in all the time. So how do you meet other people? You have got to do something to get out there.

Coach Katherine:

Exactly. Exactly. You have to get out there. And one way to do that is by getting online.

Dr. Wright

Okay. Number 6.

Coach Katherine:

Number 6. I am too old to date online. This myth is absolutely blown away in this last couple of years. The largest growth in demographics is to the over 40 group. There are more and more people that are getting online that are in their 40s and 50s. Bottom line is you are never too old to find love. And many people even seniors are out there finding love online. It is a great venue for that.

Dr. Wright

Are you finding that people over 40 are much more clear about what they want?

Coach Katherine:

Yes. It is a couple of reasons. Number 1, it is because they had enough life experiences so they are beginning to get very clear. Number 2, I think a lot of people over 40 are just done with the games and realizing that is not getting them what they need. They now know what they want and they are going for it. And online is a great place for them to do that.

Dr. Wright

And they have been very successful with it.

Coach Katherine:

They are. Right. Those that are saying I am on my quest to find love and I am going to use this tool. They are very successful.

Dr. Wright

Okay. Number 8. I am sorry. Number 7. Number 7.

Coach Katherine:

Number 7. I would not meet anyone online who shares my interest. This one just cracks me up because I teach a lot of online dating classes. And I teach one that is up close and personal where people can actually go and sit down at the computer and I have a photographer there. And when they leave they are online dating.
And one gal was dragged there by her neighbor and I could see she really did not want to be there. And I said, Well, why don’t you just start by browsing while we are setting up for the photographer.” And so she is out there browsing and she is getting very specific on her filters and all of a sudden she just jumps up and she says, “Oh, my God. Oh, my God. This looks perfect. How do I get started?” He is within 5 miles of her house, had every single thing that she was looking for and he was just dreamy. Then she could not wait to get online and get started so she could email him.

Dr. Wright Wow. She was just ready to go. She - - just for 5 minutes of being on there just fooling around (inaudible).

Coach Katherine:

Exactly. And you know what? That is really a good way to get started. You do not have to create your profile first. Get out there and do some searching. And trust me that will get you excited about getting online, signing up and quickly getting a profile there so that you can email these people. Because it is just very easy to find someone with those interests and those characteristics that you are looking for.

Dr. Wright

Okay. Number 8.

Coach Katherine:

Number 8. I will only meet liars. Well, some people do exaggerate in their profiles. And that is a shame because - - trust me they will get busted if you meet them in person, right? If they put up a picture of maybe 6 years old or even their neighbor’s picture which I hear that on occasion. But the bottom line is you need to be smart and have common sense about anybody that you are talking to whether you are in person or at the grocery store or at work or if you are online. And you got to think about that law of attraction as well. If you are stuck on only meeting liars then maybe that is something that you need to look at for yourself. Maybe you have issues around trust. Maybe this is something that you want to look at for yourself first.

Dr. Wright

Now, is this something that you help people with in terms of getting themselves prepared to really have a relationship and look into those issues?

Coach Katherine:

Absolutely. Absolutely. Because if people come to me and on a scale of 1 to 10 they consider themselves as 5 but they are looking to date a 10, my response is I can get you a date with a 5 but you want to get a 10? There is going to be some work here. And so we will recommend that they stop and they do their work so that they can become the best they are and then they will attract someone of a higher quality. And they will feel better about that because they will be a better person themselves. We use that law of attraction. If you do not like the people that you are hanging out with, guess what? That is how you are. You need to increase who you are first. And then go back out there and see who you attract.

Dr. Wright

Okay. Number 9.

Coach Katherine:

Number 9. I am not ready for a relationship. The great thing about online dating is that you can be very clear. If you are just looking for an activity partner, you are looking to date; you are looking for long term; you are looking for marriage. Be clear. Be upfront about it. There are a lot of people who are just looking for activity partners.

Dr. Wright

And I think people do not think about that for online dating that you can find somebody who is into bowling and into doing things with you.

Coach Katherine:

Exactly. The bottom line is you need to take the time to get to know someone anyway. So if you are really in a big hurry to get married you need to think about well, how do I create that friendship first and then - - but people can put right on their profiles what they are looking for. And if you are not looking to get married be sure you are very specific and just say I am looking to date. And if you just got out of a long-term relationship I suggest you do a little dating and the best place to do that is online. And then work into a long-term relationship if that is what you are wanting.

Dr. Wright

Okay. And number 10.

Coach Katherine:

Number 10. Online dating costs too much. This one is a huge mess because if you - - how much money people spend on coffee in a month? That is way more than what it costs in a month to be online. Online dating is one of the most inexpensive ways to meet the most amount of people in a very short time. It is very inexpensive. And if you sign up for a matchmaker it is a hundred times more expensive than online dating. The only time online dating gets expensive is if you sign up and you pay and then you never use it.

Dr. Wright

Yes. Are people really signing up and then not using the benefits of their online service?

Coach Katherine:

Some people do. They get nervous or they put it off. They think they have to get their profile on there first instead of getting excited about just doing searches. And 6 months later they have not even used the tool. Well, then it is expensive. Anything that you do not use is expensive, right? So I recommend you get in there do some browsing first and then get your profile going and then sign up. Because then you are going to be excited. You have already seen he is out there. You want to meet someone. And that is going to get you motivated to get online.

Dr. Wright

Okay. I wanted to touch on something, go back a little bit. Because you talked about the classes you give and how you did their photo ready and you help them with their profile. Let us talk about photos because a lot of times I see photos that are just, guys have just used their webcam and instead of that sleepy, morning bad lighting photo.

Coach Katherine:

It makes the whole face look elongated. Doesn’t it?

Dr. Wright

Yes. Yes.

Coach Katherine:

Do not do that. Right. Get a professional photographer to take your picture. Because your picture is your 2-second first impression online. People are only browsing pictures usually in the slide show format. And a lot of singles will spend so much time working on that profile and yet no one is going to see it if your picture is not something that draws them in.

Dr. Wright

Okay.

Coach Katherine:

So let me give you some tips on pictures, Okay? First of all, it is only you in the picture. You do not get to bring your dogs, your kids, your bathtub.

Dr. Wright

Your 3 cats.

Coach Katherine:

Your 3 cats. Right. And you do not get to bring your hat or your sunglasses. Right? That is hiding behind something. So it is just the headshot so that you can show up and people can really see who you are. And then you want to make sure you are looking straight into the camera with both eyes. Because now what happens is you create that Mona Lisa eye where no matter where that person is looking on the screen you are looking at them. And what do we do when people are looking at us?

Dr. Wright

We look back.

Coach Katherine:

We look back. Right. So you will constantly be in their radar screen and “Oh, look at this person.” So first thing, look in the camera. Have a nice smile. Not over the top where you are just busting out laughing because then it looks like there is something going on and the people are feeling left out.

Dr. Wright

Okay. No Cheshire cat smile.

Coach Katherine:

No. No. Tone it down just a bit, right? And then lean forward. Because when you lean forward, that is the body language that says I am very interested in getting to know you. I am focused on you. People like that and they get that feeling. And then tilt your head just a bit.

Dr. Wright

Okay. So either to the left or - -

Coach Katherine:

It does not matter. Just tilt. That brings up all of those warm, fuzzy feelings. Because when we were little babies and we were being nursed, bottle-fed and you looked up at mom’s head, it was tilted to us.

Dr. Wright

Wow. I never knew that. Okay.

Coach Katherine:

Yes. Yes. And so it is kind of that subconscious way of pulling out some feelings that you want people to have when they look at your photo. You look way more approachable, kind, and it brings out things that they do not even know is going on with them in that moment. And then here is the thing. If it is a woman make sure you have your hands up touching yourself in the picture. If you are a guy do not do this. Okay?

Dr. Wright

Okay.

Coach Katherine:

Guys do not touch yourself. The woman needs to be touching her chin or just the lower side of her face or her neck or somewhere on - - in that headshot that makes her appear touchable and approachable.

Dr. Wright

Okay.

Coach Katherine:

Do not have the hand higher up on the face where it looks like you are scrutinizing them. Okay. Draw it down a little bit maybe resting on the chin or touching your neck. That is what guys love because they imagine - - imagining themselves touching you and you look touchable and approachable.

Dr. Wright

Wow. That is a great fit.

Coach Katherine:

Yes. And it works. Cause guys do not even know what hits them when they look at that, right?

Dr. Wright

And when you help people really compose their picture correctly, do you see like a really tremendous increase on responses?

Coach Katherine:

Absolutely. First of all you have to have a picture. That is going to increase your - - amount of people looking at you by - - what is it? 14, 18 times. And then if the picture is professionally done but does not look overly made up absolutely it is going to increase. And it is going to be who you are coming through. And so what you want to do is make sure that a person of the opposite sex, if that is who you are looking for, looks at your picture and gives you an honest opinion of it. Do not let your girlfriends look at it because they are going to “Oh, you look so cute.” Well, that is not what you are looking for. You want to attract the opposite sex. You want to attract a different pool. Okay. So have those people evaluate.
And make sure that you are wearing the color of your eyes. That should - - if you have some blue eyes, hazel eyes or green eyes. That will make your eyes really (inaudible)- - where they can really focus on your eyes. If you have really darker eyes then wear your blush tone. Wear rust or (inaudible), or a magenta, those colors so that you look really healthy and really approachable.

Dr. Wright Okay. That is wonderful. That was some really great tips. And believe me, I can tell people do not know that.

Coach Katherine:

Yes. You can see them and “What are they thinking?” “Yes. Thank you.” Then I just had a fellow. I was looking in his profile with him and he had this very casual photo that I could tell was professionally done but it was just phenomenal. And what he had done was he put - - he is sitting on it, on the couch with his leg crossed over and his arm was on the back of the couch. It looked extremely inviting for a woman to just come right into that photo and sit down next to him.

Dr. Wright

Wow.

Coach Katherine:

Very well done.

Dr. Wright

Very well done. Okay. And good lighting and all that good stuff to go with all the other tips.

Coach Katherine:

Absolutely. Good lighting. No shadows on your face.

Dr. Wright

Okay. Okay. Thank you so much. Coach Katherine is at www.makinglovework4u.com. It is making love work, the number 4 and the letter U.com. And so if you need a profile make over or you need to work out some issues, she is there for you, is that right?

Coach Katherine:

Absolutely. Call me.

Dr. Wright

Thank you so much. Thank you guys. This is Dr. Letitia Wright for idcdating.com. Creating multicultural relationships every day. Remember ignoring one’s conscious is neither safe nor right. And I will talk to you next time.