The first chapter of Make Every Man Want You: How to be so damn irresistible you’ll barely keep from dating yourself, is a revised edition of a previous ebook by Marie Forleo. The book title alone is more irresistible then most books of this nature.and suggests a very upbeat author. Yes, Marie happens to be a life coach, dance instructor and choreographer for MTV, VH1 and so forth.

Her writing style is really sharp, crystal clear, to the point, no B.S. that I wish more self-help authors would embrace. Don’t go around the long (wrong) way when you can cut through the forest and get to the other side quicker, and with more learning.

The first chapter, Irresistibility 101, reads like sage advice from the Tao Te Ching. Most adults, men and women, seem to loose the child-like-ness when we grow up. And being like a child is sometimes irresistible. Just think about how some children can just get what they want, or how they can get out of trouble by being cute, cuddly and of course irresistible. There is a lesson here to be learned. Let go and be in the now is the sage advice also found in Eckhart Tolle’s The Power of Now.

One thing I like about Marie is how direct she is in her advice. And one thing I’ve heard her say in a previous interview and I fully agree with, and emphasise in my own discussions of relationships is this: You are likely operating on false information. For me one of the greatest sources of dating/relationship problems stems from divorced parents. In my own situation my mother and father divorced when I was maybe two years old. My dad remarried and my mother had a long term relationship. My dad’s 2nd wife passed away and his been alone since; while my mother’s long term relationship ended when she got pregnant with my sister. After years of frustration I just realised these two are NOT good role models for how to create and maintain, sustain a healthy, loving and fun long term relationship with a woman.

The “Time-Tested Truths” from Chapter 3 almost read like the Four Noble Truths in Buddhism. Just kidding they are solid and I’m listing them here to let them speak for themselves:

1. A Relationship Will Not Save You
2. Relationships Are Spiritual Opportunities, Not a Needs Exchange
3. Life Is Now: This Is It!
4. Men Are As-Is Merchandise or Love ‘Em or Leave ‘Em, Baby!
5. If You Want Guarantees In Love, You Don’t Want Love

In the next chapter one of the most honest, and funniest lines I’ve ever read in a book like this, and said by a woman: “Here’s a tip: If you think you look fat in a particular outfit, you probably do. This whole chapter is the perfect blue print for a woman to know what NOT to do. And Marie’s chapter titles are as spunky and funny as the book title.

All in all there are plenty of gems in this book. And will become my bible for advice to the female species So many books go on and on without getting to the point. Marie just knows how to make the point with enough irresistibility you can’t put this book down once you start reading it. I have female friend, Leonora or Leo for short who does all these things without knowing it. She is a magnet for irresistible attention from men. And has some amazing girlfriends. So unlike those really attractive women who are hated by others, Leo is able to project her irresistible nature to the world. And therefore draws constant attention which she directs which ever way suits her best. And the outcome or result? Well happiness or rather inner joy. Because I learned a while ago that happiness is what you expect other people to “give” you but joy is what you have inside. And nobody can take that away from you.

Popularity: 20% [?]

Robert Cialdini wrote a book called Influence, The Psychology of Persuasion. One of the core principles in this book is “Social Proof”. Wikipedia defines it as “is a psychological phenomenon which occurs in ambiguous social situations when people are unable to determine the appropriate mode of behaviour. Making the assumption that surrounding people possess more knowledge about the situation, they will deem the behaviour of others as appropriate.”

Now what happened to me last night was I was out with two female friends and one guy. And we went to a regular spot for me, Katzie’s in Rosebank, Johannesburg. I know most of the waiters, bartenders, and other regular patrons. So very naturally I start to introduce people to each other. Now what this does for me is puts me in the centre. If you want to call it centre of attention that’s also good. But when you are a Connector, as Malcolm Gladwell talks about the Tipping Point, you can create instant social proof. And as they chat among themselves I’m free to approach new groups of women I do not know.
So what you ask? Well social proof pushes your social value way up. And in bars, clubs, social groups it allows you to stand-out. And when you talk to a woman/man outside of your social group who has seen your social proof it makes them much less resistant and much more interested in what you have to say. The biggest benefit I’ve seen is it brings the new people into your life without hard work. So through expanding your acquaintances you increase your social prooft, and increase the chances of meeting your next girlfriend, boyfriend, husband, wife, etc.

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This is from the Napoleon Hill Foundation’s Thought of the Day, “Margaret Thatcher once observed that being powerful is like being a lady: If you have to tell others you are, you aren’t. Truly great leaders gain respect by the way they conduct themselves, not by the loudness of their orders. You gain respect by respecting others”

Now what I  about this is it talks about how important you have to BE for success in dating and life in general. You have to BE CONFIDENT to approach a woman. You have to BE ARTICULATE when doing a business presentation, etc. There’s no way to fake till you make it. The Universe will only allow it for so long and you have to get your shit together sooner or later.

Popularity: 18% [?]

Number of Ramon - 7 Bearers of this baby name are odd persons of saturnine temper. They are often philosophers and mystics at heart. They tire easily of a bustling and hasty life, love to think all alone and hate light-mindedness. Quite often they are devoid of commercialism and a thirst for comfort. Having keen intelligence, they can easily synthesize facts and draw unexpected conclusions from them. Somewhat mysterious, sometimes very pessimistic, they tend to be disillusioned and are inclined to believe that they are better than others.

Go here for this website to find the meaning of your name. This website is filled with Google Adsense but none the less its useful. I like to find out more about myself. I think the ancient Greeks had an epitaph, “Know Thyself”.

Popularity: 30% [?]

Today I attended my 2nd Star Trek minicon in Johannesburg, South Africa. The minicon is hosted annually by Science Fiction South Africa. I’ve been a memeber since 2004 and attended a few of their events. Its a small group and the people are very friendly and on the shy, introverted side of life. That’s to be expected for the characters of these shows (except for the leader/Captain) in most cases tend to be shy, intellectual, scienctific types. I used to be shy in high school. And that really meant I was suppressing the true me. Or that I was not being true to myself. The Myers-Briggs typology test taught me that introversion just means you work best alone and you’re drained when you’re spending time with lots of people. I have discovered that I am more of an extrovert and I am operating at my peak interacting with groups of people. When I’m alone all day I can get depressed. And the best remedy here is to go to the shop and buy some bread or milk.

Popularity: 10% [?]

In part three of this three-part series, two FOXNews.com reporters try their hand at Internet dating (click here to read about their blind dates and here to read about their speed dates).

by Cassie Carothers and Michael De Dora Jr.

Cassie is a 26-year-old news editor from Ohio looking to for someone who can laugh at himself and lives in the moment. Michael is a 23-year-old news editor from Long Island, N.Y., who wants a real, hip, intelligent and, yes, good-looking woman.

Dating.com

Not so many years ago, when someone mentioned that they’d met a new love interest on the “World Wide Web,” friends would all react the same: “Good for you!” with their voices raising an octave with forced enthusiasm.

Back then — before toddlers had e-mail accounts and most of us still mailed in checks to pay our bills — Internet dating carried a negative stigma. Meeting people in the “cyber world” was considered creepy. Why couldn’t singles just meet someone the old-fashioned way, by getting sloshed at the local bar until they a) found someone drunk enough to consider going out with them or b) were drunk enough themselves to consider going out with a stranger?

For the most part, times have changed. While some still snicker at online dating, it becomes more accepted every day and has even been responsible for many marriages.

With this in mind, two FOXNews.com singles decided it was time to give the Internet a chance to play matchmaker.

Cassie

I have to admit, of all three dating strategies explored for this package of stories, Internet dating sketched me out the most. Speed dating occurs in a public place and a blind date is with a friend of a friend. But Internet dating? Can you really decide to spend time with someone based on a flattering photo and a profile they filled out in 10 minutes?

And while I’ve had plenty of friends use dating services such as Match.com or Jdate.com, I’ve always been hesitant to do so myself.

I have profiles up on Friendster and MySpace, two social networking sites I’ve used strictly to keep up with friends from Ohio since I moved to New York City three years ago.

But when it came to seeking out an actual date on the Internet, I just wasn’t into it. I always deleted messages from guys I didn’t know. And even though I had friends and roommates who would go on “MySpace dates” or “Friendster dates,” the idea of actually meeting up with a complete stranger scared me.

However, I agreed for this story to give it a shot. Rather than go to a site constructed only for dating, I decided to seek out a potential paramour on Friendster.

With this in mind, I logged in and saw that a guy I didn’t know had “viewed” my profile. I took a scan of his page and saw “Steve” wasn’t a total basketcase. He enjoys running in New York City’s Central Park, as do I, and made a reference to my favorite character from my favorite movie, Margo Tenenbaum from “The Royal Tenenbaums.” On a whim, I sent him a message.

Crafting the first message, however, was a tricky task … how did I come across as cool, and not desperate, despite that I was seeking social interaction over the Internet? How do I get across that this really isn’t something I usually do, without sounding cliché? Most importantly, how do I propose a date?

After several drafts, I sculpted what I thought was the perfect message, and before I could second-guess myself, I sent it.

As soon as it was gone, a wave of dread came over me. I had no idea what to expect. What if he didn’t write back? How long was it supposed to take? At what point did I give up all together?

Almost exactly 48 hours later, Friendster alerted me that Steve had written back — and agreed to meet that very weekend. We arranged to meet at a bar in downtown New York City’s East Village on Friday night.

Now, remember how I was scared to meet strangers? With that in mind, I did what could have very easily been a date disaster — I brought along a friend.

I really didn’t plan to bring Kelly, but it just so happened we had been hanging out earlier in the evening, and we were still out when I was supposed to meet Steve.

While I could have given her the boot before Steve arrived, I didn’t. And I was a bit relieved she was there just in case Steve turned out to be a psychotic creep.

So with Kelly settled at a table inside the bar, I went to the designated corner to meet Steve. In his Friendster profile, he had pictures of himself with a full head of hair as well as with a shaved head, so I wasn’t sure what to expect. Fortunately, he couldn’t miss my mop of red curly hair that has cursed me since childhood, and he spotted me from across the street.

We exchanged an awkward half hug and giggled at how weird it was to be meeting. I then quickly fed him a line about how my friend and I had met up earlier, and Kelly was inside waiting for us.

While this could have unsettled many an unsuspecting gentleman, Steve handled the situation with ease. The three of us talked, drank and laughed for a few hours. At times, I was afraid he might think I was trying to set him up with Kelly — a fear that confirmed that my first impression of him was good, and that I might want to see him again.

Eventually we decided to move to a new spot to meet up with a friend of Kelly’s, and before long, Steve and I split off. We decided it was time for a late-night snack of French fries — an admitted favorite food of mine that even more confirmed that this guy was all right.

The night ended well, and I knew I wanted to see him again — something I definitely didn’t expect from an Internet date, I have to say. And two months later, we’re still seeing each other …

Michael

As I’ve mentioned before in this series of articles, I’m not exactly a veteran of the dating scene.

I had a girlfriend from near the start of high school until my junior year of college who was good about taking care of many of our relationship events. I experienced the single college life for the rest of my days as the big man on campus, and I just started dating in the big city.

In all the time I’ve been single, I’ve just never thought of dating. It’s too much work. But when in New York City, do as the city folk do.

I learned two things on my Internet date. One: the word “reservation” is rather valuable to know.

Two “never talk politics on a date” is not always the best advice.

I used Match.com to find my Internet date, Katie. I basically responded to the first girl who “winked” at me. Winking is the way of starting a conversation on the Web site. Someone winks … and the other person responds with a short “Hello, how are you?” type of thing.

Me, though, I’m on the speed track. I got a wink and went right for the kill.

“I like your profile. Seems we have a lot in common. Thanks for winking at me! Wanna get drinks sometime? A casual dinner? How does next Friday work for you? If you want to get in touch with me…”

Short, sweet and to the point. The same day I got a response. Giddy up!

Katie gave me her phone number and we set up a date. I told her to pick a place because it was her neighborhood I was going to.

I, being me, didn’t put much thought into the date.

We were supposed to meet around 8 p.m. on a Friday night. It was pouring rain all day. She text messaged me that she was running 15 minutes late. Not a problem, I replied. I also asked where we should meet so we wouldn’t be walking around in the rain. That’s when it dawned on me I had no clue where we were going on a Friday night at 8:30 p.m. I didn’t think that, you know, a lot of people go out on Friday evenings.

One awkward thing about the date was seeing the person in real life as opposed to on the Internet. The Internet isn’t real. Real life is.

But, I have Internet friends. And I’ve met them in real life. For the most part, they looked like pictures I’d seen.

In your head, you’re hoping she looks better than she does in her photo, and dreading that she might look worse.

Still, we spotted each other without a problem, as I was standing outside the door to the restaurant. I guess we both sort of look like our photos. That’s good.

When we went in to be seated, that’s when I learned just how important that word “reservation” is.

Me: “Table for two, please.”

Host: “Do you have reservations?”

“No.”

“It’s going to be about an hour-and-a-half wait.”

“All right … (awkwardly looking at each other) … thanks, but no thanks.”

It’s not like my date didn’t know another place in her neighborhood to eat. I told her to lead the way.

But it was raining out, so we didn’t want to walk far. The first restaurant we walked past, we decided to walk in.

Of course, the place specialized in seafood plates of, on average, roughly $30. Great!

When the bill came, she did offer, “Hey, can I help out at all with the bill?” but I told her it was OK, and I’d take care of it. I quickly whipped out my credit card in hopes she’d not see the amount, which was more than $100.

But in all, the date went really well. Great food, great conversation, great interaction.

And what I think made the date go well was seeing how similar we were — in terms of how we grew up, the family pressures we had to deal with … and how those shaped our political views.

Yes, we talked politics. These things tend to come up when you mention you work at FOX News.

And I must say it went smoothly.

Unfortunately, I don’t think I’ll be seeing her again. We did share a good conversation, but I just felt the physical attraction wasn’t there. To me, that’s just as important as anything else.

I mentioned in my blind date article that I’m not looking for anything serious … or so I think. But if I were to consider it, I’d have to feel she was special. I didn’t get that feeling on this date.

And so it goes…

Reprinted from FoxNews.com

Popularity: 9% [?]

Two FOXNews.com reporters tried blind dating (click here to read about their blind dates), speed dating and Internet dating in their search for love — all in the name of journalistic research, of course. Cassie is a 26-year-old news editor from Ohio looking for someone who can laugh at himself and lives in the moment. Michael is a 23-year-old news editor from Long Island, N.Y., who wants a real, hip, intelligent and, yes, good-looking woman.In part two of this three-part series, Cassie and Michael try their hand at speed dating. Check back here tomorrow to read about their Internet dates.

by Cassie Carothers and Michael De Dora Jr.

Does Love Take Time?

Is four minutes long enough to decide whether or not you’ve met your soul mate? These two single FOXNews.com reporters say “Yes.”

In an effort to explore the many facets of dating life, we decided one must-do event was speed dating, the fast-paced event where singles without a lot of free time meet many potential soul mates at once.

We looked to HurryDate, a Manhattan-based dating service, for help. Here’s how it works.

Curious singles sign up for a HurryDate event and, for a small fee, get to post a profile on the HurryDate site and attend an event at an area bar where they are matched up with other singles, each of whom is assigned a number.

Once paired off in a cordoned-off section of the bar, you get four minutes to chat up the person across from you. When the whistle blows, the men all shift one seat over, and another four-minute session begins. After each conversation, you can jot notes next to your current partner’s number on a sheet provided by the organizers, to remember them by later.

After the event, in the comfort (and privacy) of your own home, you can log on to the HurryDate Web site and give each person you met a “yes” or a “no” as to whether you’d like to hear from them again. Then all of the yeses are matched up and you get a list of matches when you log back into HurryDate. From here, you can send messages (through the service) to your matches, as well as contact any other person who is signed up.

Here’s how we each did…

Cassie

When I walked into the speed-dating bar in midtown Manhattan, I have to admit I was very skeptical. I was expecting the next hour and a half of my life, in which I would be faced with a different single guy’s face every four minutes and having very quick conversations with them, to be entertaining at best.

Despite being armed with two other single friends on either side of me and my colleague Michael De Dora Jr. (see below), I left the event mentally exhausted and, I’m not going to lie, a bit skeeved out.

It wasn’t so much the conversations. I’m not what you would call “shy,” so talking to about 20 guys for only four minutes each wasn’t a problem.

See, people like to say speed dating is for those who don’t have enough time in their busy schedules to go through the hassle of meeting people “the traditional way.”

But after this experience, I would argue otherwise. This event really catered to guys I’d bet would be too shy to approach and ask out a girl under normal social circumstances. Which is all well and fine — but it’s not my personal cup of tea.

Every single guy asked me the same three questions: “What do you do?” “Where do you live?” and “What do you do for fun?”

And while I love my job, my East Village apartment and the salsa lessons I’m taking, there really are far more interesting things to ask someone, especially a potential paramour.

I went with “What are your favorite pizza toppings?”

I ended up snagging 14 matches out of 19. Since one match was my fellow reporter Michael De Dora, I really had 13 real matches. I confess — I said yes to every guy just to see how many would say yes to me, for the sake of this article. And of those 13, I really don’t have any interest in meeting any of them again.

So whom did I meet? Without using names, there was the investment banker who said his job was too “high profile” for his image to be used with this story (and whose shirt had so much starch in it his name tag wouldn’t even stay on). There was the gym teacher with an earring. There were many, many guys who generically worked in “finance.” And, sadly, there were none I’d want to have the company of again.

Michael

Over the course of a normal Friday night out at the bar with my friends, I’ll be lucky to talk to one woman.

That’s one woman over the course of, say, five hours. What can I say … I’m a shy guy and I don’t initiate conversation with women.

So being forced to have “speed dates” with 20 women in 80 minutes wasn’t a task I necessarily felt equipped for.

While waiting for the HurryDate event, which was at a bar in midtown Manhattan, to start, I scoped out the “speed dating” area. It was the back half of the bar, and there were about 20 to 25 tables spread out. In no way did I understand how this would work.

Finally we got the go-ahead.

Ken, the thin, exuberant man in a charge, directed us to take a seat in the cordoned-off area.

I walked around for a few seconds before spotting an elevated bar table with two stools. I sat facing everyone entering the back of the bar as to get a good view and hoped a winner would sit across from me.

A very nice woman walked over to my table after her friend pointed to me and said, “Sit over with him!” We talked for a few moments about why we were there and how we were doing so far before Ken took over. He explained the process.

And that’s when I learned I had four minutes with each woman, and that I was the one moving from table to table, not the girl. So much for my prime table selection.

Problems arose early. I forgot to mark down the names and numbers of the first two and whether I liked them or not. It just slipped my mind because I was so rushed, which brings me to my next point.

Four minutes is actually much less time than you think. Once you get past the normal questions — where do you live, etc. — you’ve already burned nearly two minutes.

And time in between stations counts in the four minutes. So you’re actually working less than four minutes with each.

With one girl, I learned she was originally from Pennsylvania. So I mentioned my grandparents live there, and by the time I got into exactly where, the whistle blew for me to change stations.

So all in all, you get four minutes to meet a girl, get a feel for her, write down her name and number and mark down whether you liked her or not — it’s a little stressful, to say the least.

Then factor in that some of the women I met and liked were not on the Web site. So it was almost a waste of time connecting with them — unless I got their phone number, which I forgot to do.

But there were some positives.

First, some girls I knew I wouldn’t like off the bat. I didn’t even bother marking these girls down. To me, this was down time. I was able to relax a little.

Which leads to the second positive: You don’t waste too much time with girls you don’t like.

Third, the time limit forces you to ask good questions. One of mine included asking a girl to name the musician or band that was most kicking her behind at the moment. When she answered a little-known post-rock band (Mogwai) that I knew, it was an instant connection. I asked another girl what she was drinking. It ended up being a drink I had never heard of before.

And for me, there’s a fourth positive: five of the 20 women I spoke with were women I’d pursue. Of course, three of them were not on the Web site. But one I’m still “talking to.”

Overall, I was pleasantly surprised by the experience. Going into the event, I was convinced I wouldn’t see a good-looking woman. And I was convinced there would be no more than 10 women there to work from. But out of the 20 women there, at least 10 of them were good-looking enough for me.

Republished from FoxNews.com

Popularity: 10% [?]