5 Minute Management Course

Lesson 1 :

A priest offered a Nun a lift..

She got in and crossed her legs, forcing her gown to reveal a leg.

The priest nearly had an accident.

After controlling the car, he stealthily slid his hand up her leg…

The nun said, ‘Father, remember Psalm 129?’

The priest removed his hand. But, changing gears, he let his hand slide up her leg again. The nun once again said, ‘Father, remember Psalm 129?’

The priest apologized ‘Sorry sister but the flesh is weak.’

Arriving at the convent, the nun sighed heavily and went on her way.

On his arrival at the church, the priest rushed to look up Psalm 129. It said, ‘Go forth and seek, further up, you will find glory.’

Moral of the story:

If you are not well informed in your job, you might miss a great opportunity.

Lesson 2 :

A sales rep, an administration clerk, and the manager are walking to lunch when they find an antique oil lamp.

They rub it and a Genie comes out. The Genie says, ‘I’ll give each of you just one wish.’

‘Me first! Me first!’ says the admin clerk….. ‘I want to be in the Bahamas , driving a speedboat, without a care in the world.’ Poof! She’s gone.

‘Me next! Me next!’ says the sales rep. ‘I want to be in Hawaii , relaxing on the beach with my personal masseuse, an endless supply of Pina Coladas, and the love of my life.’ Poof! He’s gone.

‘OK, you’re up,’ the Genie says to the manager. The manager says, ‘I want those two back in the office after lunch.’

Moral of the story:

Always let your boss have the first say.

Lesson 3

An eagle was sitting on a tree resting, doing nothing.

A small rabbit saw the eagle and asked him, ‘Can I also sit like you and do nothing?’ The eagle answered: ‘Sure, why not.’

So, the rabbit sat on the ground below the eagle and rested. All of a sudden, a fox appeared, jumped on the rabbit and ate it..

Moral of the story:

To be sitting and doing nothing, you must be sitting very, very high up.

Lesson 4

A turkey was chatting with a bull. ‘I would love to be able to get to the top of that tree’ sighed the turkey, ‘but I haven’t got the energy.’

‘Well, why don’t you nibble on some of my droppings?’ replied the bull. It’s full of nutrients.’

The turkey pecked at a lump of dung, and found it actually gave him enough strength to reach the lowest branch of the tree.

The next day, after eating some more dung, he reached the second branch..

Finally after a fourth night, the turkey was proudly perched at the top of the tree.

He was promptly spotted by a farmer, who shot him out of the tree.

Moral of the story:

Bull Shit might get you to the top, but it won’t keep you there…

Lesson 5

A little bird was flying south for the winter. It was so cold the bird froze and fell to the ground into a large field.

While he was lying there, a cow came by and dropped some dung on him.

As the frozen bird lay there in the pile of cow dung, he began to realize how warm he was.

The dung was actually thawing him out!

He lay there all warm and happy, and soon began to sing for joy…. A passing cat heard the bird singing and came to investigate.

Following the sound, the cat discovered the bird under the pile of cow dung, and promptly dug him out and ate him.

Moral of the story:

(1) Not everyone who shits on you is your enemy.

(2) Not everyone who gets you out of shit is your friend.

(3) And when you’re in deep shit, it’s best to keep your mouth shut!



IT Skills Shortage Is Proving Costly

As insufficient numbers of IT professionals graduate from tertiary institutions the skills gap continues to widen.

Greg Vercellotti, executive director of Dariel Solutions, says graduate numbers are remaining the same or dropping, while requirements in the industry are constantly increasing.

“It’s a global problem, but SA is probably worse off than the rest of the world – we have a 10 to 15-year gap that needs to be plugged. If we’re to become an economy of knowledge workers, we need to get people through the system more quickly.”

Vercellotti says while university graduates have a good IT background and generic skills, they lack certain essential skills to perform in the workplace. “For instance, universities will teach a general programming style, whereas we require them to know specific styles for the type of system they’re writing.”

One solution, he says, is to send employees on multiple short, focused and practical programmes, which allow them to apply immediately what they have learnt.

He says BSc and engineering programmes tend to focus on hard skills, but soft skills are equally vital in the industry. “Technologists can’t exist in a vacuum; they need to interact with clients. We find that people with good communication skills are a lot more successful than those without.

“People management is also important in getting people to work together as a team and deliver. We don’t usually do soft skills development as a once-off course, but weave it into our other programmes. It’s something you have to emphasise and reiterate.”

A further difficulty for the IT industry is insufficient numbers of maths and science matriculants coming out of the schooling system. Prof Barry Dwolatzky, professor of software engineering at Wits University, says this is a huge challenge that can only be resolved over the long term.

“If we are going to maintain and retain the South African software industry, which is world class and has been world class for decades, we need to find plans and approaches that can quickly produce more skills.”

Dwolatzky, who also runs the Joburg Centre for Software Engineering (JCSE), says a short-term solution is to uplift the skills of people who have already entered the workplace.

“The master’s programme requires a postgraduate degree in engineering or computer science, but because such people are so employable, the feedstock for our programme is low.”

To address this challenge, the JCSE has developed a three-year continuing professional development course for people who have work experience but don’t have the prerequisite formal degree.

“This is our flagship programme, but we also offer a number of short courses, evening courses, public lectures and forums. Many courses tend to be vendor-oriented, but we’ve tried to retain a neutral mould to build a deeper education, rather than just skills training.”

The programme comprises four masters courses taught as continuing professional development courses.

“If they pass all courses with 60% we then make a case to allow them to enter Wits as a mature student,” says Dwolatzky. “They receive credits for the courses they’ve passed and can complete the part-time master’s in two more years.

“We aren’t targeting to produce hundreds of skilled people, but relatively small numbers of highly skilled people.

“I see skills as a triangle – you need few highly skilled people to support larger numbers of less skilled people, but if you don’t have the people at the top of the triangle, you can’t do the work that needs those less skilled people.”

Vercellotti says anyone, including schools and further education and training colleges, can contribute to the IT skills shortage, provided it’s done properly and with the right intent. “We’ve been pretty disappointed with some of the college type education houses – some of them just take money and run and have no care for the needs of individuals.

“You can’t have everybody coming out with a university degree, but also need the middle tier people with diplomas and good skills. You need all strata of workers – employees and entrepreneurs; that’s where every institution has a role to play.”

source: Business Day


Dating Vs Marriage

When you are dating …. Farting is never an issue.
When you are married …. You make sure there’s nothing flammable near your husband at all times.

When you are dating …. He takes you out to have a good time.
When you are married …. He brings home a 6 pack, and says “What are you going to drink?”

When you are dating …. He holds your hand in public.
When you are married …. He flicks your ear in public.

When you are dating …. A Single bed for 2 isn’t THAT bad.
When you are married …. A King size bed feels like an army cot.

When you are dating ….. You are turned on at the sight of him naked.
When you are married …. You think to yourself “Was he ALWAYS this hairy????”

When you are dating …. You enjoyed foreplay.
When you are married …. You tell him “If we have sex, will you leave me alone???”

When you are dating ….. He hugs you, when he walks by you for no reason.
When you are married …. He grabs your boob any chance he gets.

When you are dating ….. You picture the two of you together, growing old together.
When you are married ….You wonder who will die first.

When you are dating ….. Just looking at him makes you feel all “mushy.”
When you are married …. When you look at him, you want to claw his eyes out.

When you are dating …. He knows what the “hamper” is.
When you are married …. The floor will suffice as a dirty clothes storage area.

When you are dating …. He understands if you “Aren’t in the mood.”
When you are married …. He says “It’s your job.”

When you are dating …. He understands that you have “male” friends.
When you are married …. He thinks they are all out to steal you away.

When you are dating … He likes to “discuss” things.
When you are married …. He develops a “blank” stare.

When you are dating … He calls you by name.
When you are married … He calls you “Hey” and refers to you when speaking to others as “She.”


Report On Cellular Payment Systems In South Africa

This report is republished with permission from the author, Reuel Leach. You may contact him for more advise on saving money when using cellphones and Internet access on his cell 082 211 2619

Do you know what you are paying on your cellular bill every month. Maybe you do, but have you ever wondered what the networks costs are? Would you like to see something published on this subject? Read on. Its time that people started to get answers to these questions.

Lets start off with GSM. It’s a radio signal just like any radio frequency. You have a radio? You have a television, you pay a licence which is a minimum cost to get messages ( or Signals with information) to your home, office or car. With a radio frequency you choose which signal you want to pick up the messages you want to listen to or “watch”.

So what frequencies are there? Here are but a few common ones:

1.Short wave
2.Medium Wave
3.Frequency Modulation (FM)
4.Wi-Fi (Wireless)
9.UMTS (3G) which consists of data for internet and 3G video calls

Lets focus now on the formats of some of these signals. What do I mean by that? Well, you listen to a CD with music of your favourite artist and its recorded in WAV format. You might be familiar to the more common format used called MP3. Now lets make a comparison with these two formats. WAV will give you 700 megabytes over 80 minutes and MP3 gives you about 70 MB ( megabytes ) over 80 minutes. When you record something with your cellphone, you might use AAC or a similar format which might give you around 2-4 megabytes an hour.

The format of GSM is AMR, it could be similar to AAC, but this is where the interesting part comes. Lets look at the speed of these frequencies. These are true speed real life situations, not what they tell you at the shops

True Speed example in South Africa

  • GSM – 6 to 13 kilobits per second
  • GPRS 1 to 6 kilobits per second
  • EDGE 6 to 25 kilobits per second
  • UMTS 30 to 120 kilobits per second
  • HSDPA 50 to 200 kilobits per second

But if you tried to do a voice call over GPRS or EDGE you might find it a bit choppy. Ok here is the first big issue. A voice call can be easily done one EDGE using Skype or MSN and the maximum you will use is around 2.5 MB an hour. At the current data rates an unbundled GPRS? EDGE? 3G connection will cost you R2/MB which is the most expensive DATA rate. If you use a data bundle you will go as low as R0.19/MB so an hours call on Skype voice to voice will cost you in the region of R0.46 and R5 an HOUR! But if you use your normal Cellular phone for the same time, it will cost you R90 to R180 an Hour! So lets compare R0.46 to R180 an hour which most people are paying. Are you going to do something about this….

You should resort to these forms of technology:

  1. Skype
  2. Google Talk
  3. Mxit
  4. Nimbuzz

Heres the real shocker! Do you know what the most expensive form of communication in the world is. And it probably in South Africa. Its called SMS. Yes you thought it was cheaper than a call. Think again. Here is the simple price plan comparison

Let me explain this bit by bit. 1 sms is 160 characters. That includes the spaces in between. I you type an A4 page there is place for approximately 3680 characters with a font of 10 on it. Divide 3680 into 160 and that gives ou 23 sms messages. If you pay the normal day time rate it will cost you at 85 cents R19.55 PER PAGE and after hours at 35 cents an sms it costs you R8.05 so its far more than a page.

Let compare this to Skype or mxit this one page will be only 27 Kilobytes and at R2 per megabye it will cost you R0.05 cents per page and if you are using a data bundle then it will be as low as R0.005 per page!

Ok so what does an SMS cost us per Kilobyte?
1 sms = 140 bytes = 7.3142 sms = 1kb
85 cents x 7.3 = R6.21/kb

What does an SMS cost us per Megabyte?
1024 x R6.21 = R6359/mb
(normal data costs between R0.19 to R2.00 per megabyte)

What does an SMS cost us per Gigabyte
1024 x R6359 = R6 511 656 per GIGABYTE

So if you were to write or type a 2 page letter and put it in an envelope it will cost you around R2.50 to R3.00 depending on paper and stamp costs. If you had to type the equivalent in SMSs you will pay for a 2 page letter:- R39.10 so its R40 to send a letter.

No why are the networks so expensive. If technology has become so cheap, why have they not given us the GPRS SMS function which almost every cellular phone has the function of? It will cost us a few cents only. If you connect your cellular phone to a PC or had Skype capabilities you could do a full skype call on 3G or HSDPA signal for between R0.39 and R5 per hour or a video call at R2.34 and R24 per hour!

If you had to send someone a full WAV cd over the internet at R0.19 per megabyte it will cost you 700 x R0.19 which is R133.00 and that’s 80minutes of music. If you spoke at the average cellular call of R2.50 (hidden costs excluded) at 80 minutes you will pay R200 for the call. Your bit rate for the wave 8MB per minute and your cellular call is 0.360mb per minute! So the intensity and quality is much better!

I suggest that people all cut off their smss, get Mxit and Skype and call over those mediums to make calls and send messages until the networks in the future.

I reckon that Wou-daar-Kom and Empty-N don’t pay more than R0.39 to R0.40 per hour for your call!
If they are paying more than that they should discontinue this old technology and give us the better faster stuff I mentioned above!

You may download the original report with graphics using this link: Report on Cellular Pricing Reuel Leach.