Cyber Infidelity – The New Seduction

Online dating is one of those things that the Internet was made for: People trying to meet people for love and sex in the supposed privacy of their homes. Cyber Infidelity is a book by Dr Eve, who’s real name is Dr Marlene Wasserman based in Cape Town, South Africa. She’s South Africa’s answer to the American Dr Laura, and is known for her regular radio talk shows.

We first met when I conducted my second survey about online dating and online sexuality in 2006.

Recently she sent me a copy of her book, Cyber Infidelity ISBN 978-0798171182. It’s my pleasure to review this book.

Cyber Infidelity the New Seduction by Dr EveCyber Infidelity is very readable, perhaps because of the topic of infidelity which usually sparks curiosity across the gender lines. It’s also a good read because of the personal stories it contains, which provide deep insight into the motivations why people choose to find lovers and sexual partners online in this day and age.

The first three chapters lay a very good base for modern relationships. The Internet has transformed the way we conduct ourselves not only in business but also in the most intimate spaces of our bedrooms. As a couples therapist, Dr Eve shares insights into the rapid changes in behaviour.

Chapter 5 describes the triple A engine: affordable, anonymous, accessible. This is the pivotal factors differentiating online infidelity from offline infidelity. You can say it’s the difference between cheating before the Internet and after the Internet and mobile phones became so easily accessible.

Sometimes it feels like Dr Eve is encouraging the infidelity. On page 169 she reveals a shocking statistic: over 75% of relationships that begin through an affair end in divorce. The chapter on porn habits is eye-opening. A few surprises may be learned from the porn watching habits of women, which is not commonly discussed as the stigma sees porn as the problem of (lonely) men.

The stories in this book reminds me of those I first read in Nancy Friday’s My Secret Garden. They are at once confessions, revelations and sometimes sad. They show what’s missing from the relationships and why the myth of “settling down” is so unsatisfactory.

The topic of infidelity raises curiosity our own personal natures. To what extent are we still living in a monogamous society with the rise of the Internet, social media and mobile phones?

Dr Eve aka Marlene Wasserman in her Cape Town office as a sex therapistOne of my favourite aphorisms in this book is that “shame and blame are the twin sisters of guilt.” The Ashley Madison website is where the author collected much of her first hand accounts of cyber infidelity. The customers of this website are not ashamed to share their innermost fantasies. So do you blame them for choosing to engage in cyber infidelity, which many times does not lead to an offline meeting? [After this book was published, AshleyMadison.com was hacked and some shocking facts about the female users were released.]

One of the radical facts emerging from the book, is that women are much more sexually liberated than before the rise of the Internet.

There are few surprises in in the statistics because they are all from English speaking countries. Perhaps a sequel may include comparison with China and India, which together account for probably half the Internet users in the world, and vastly different cultural norms. It would be fascinating to evaluate how the Internet has changed the sexual behaviour of these nations.

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Book 2 – How To Beat The Energy Thieves

author Jess Miller Energy Thieves seriesJess Miller has been my friend since the year 2000 when we made contact via an email discussion forum on the Internet. He’s book, HOW TO BEAT THE ENERGY THIEVES – Book 2, is a series of helpful advice you would expect from a dear friend. He’s wisdom is steeped in a deep resonance with the complexities of this world, and how to simplify it.

When I began reading this book, I found it easy and practical. There were elements which stand out like the format, which is not exactly like the chapters in other books. It is wonderful in the way it feels like a conversation from beginning to end. As a self published author I know he has experimented with different formats and layouts, and this really works.

The focus of Book 2 is emotions, food, people, major problems, traumas, how to win. The wording of the book is carefully chosen to avoid bias for or against a particular religion or belief system. It’s only the stark contrast of the words “good” and “evil” that raised my eyebrows when considering the stand point of the author.

Maybe the best part of this book is the many examples it uses to illustrate the impact of the energy thieves. A profound realisation came over me when I read the section on arguments – clearly there is wisdom when you realise both parties in an argument loose energy, and the thief in this instance is the argument itself. This is a fundamental principal of conflict resolution as I discovered in the work of Colman McCarthy, the founder for the Centre of Teaching Peace in Washington DC.

As I’ve know the author for many years now, I recognised his sense of humour. “He once told me five lies in one sentence.” he wrote in the section on Lying. In another life time Jess Miller could have made a great scriptwriter in Hollywood. Maybe not. The empathy you find in his writing pours out of every page whenever he makes a reference to helping other people.

Just recently I felt some melancholy on a daily basis. The moment I put that aside and opened myself up to helping another person in need, I felt like my system had a reboot. Towards the end of the book he provides a comprehensive list of another 50 ways to help someone.

 

Twitter for Good – Rlabs in social media book

Twitter for GoodMarlon Parker is the founder of a ground breaking NGO in Cape Town, RLabs. He deserves to Nobel Peace Prize for the work he is doing in the Cape Flats using technology for social change. At the very least he should win a TED Prize for his contribution to community change through technology. After his talk at the 27Dinner in Port Elizabeth back in 2008, I became a big supporter of his organisation RLabs. And so every time I would speak to the parents of the affluent independent schools, I encourage them to donate, contribute or support this work on reconstructing communities.

This morning I was so excited to see a post on RLabs Facebook page that they have been mentioned in a new book, Twitter for Good:Change the World One Tweet at a Time by Claire Diaz-Ortiz on page 151 – 154. I’ve already ordered my copy of this book.

From the Inside Flap

As recent events in Japan, the Middle East, and Haiti have shown, Twitter offers a unique platform to connect individuals and influence change in ways that were unthinkable only a short time ago.

Twitter for Good is a ground breaking book that contains the most effective tactics for tapping into the power of Twitter as a real-time information network. Claire DÍaz-Ortiz, Twitter’s head of corporate social innovation and philanthropy, shares the same strategies she offers to organizations around the world. In her time at Twitter, DÍaz-Ortiz has worked with such forward-thinking organizations as Nike, Pepsi, the United Nations, the American Red Cross, charity:water, Room to Read, Partners in Health, the Skoll Foundation, National Wildlife Federation, Kiva, and many, many more.

Filled with dynamic, global examples, Twitter for Good shows how the world’s top organizations use the power of Twitter to make a difference. Through DÍaz-Ortiz’s T.W.E.E.T. model, which she developed to teach organizations how to excel on Twitter, she lays out the exact framework she teaches around the world.

Step by step, DÍaz-Ortiz walks you through a proven process, showing you:

  • Why your organization needs a dedicated Twitter strategy
  • The 5-step process that delivers results
  • Best practices for using Twitter to catapult your organization’s mission

With more than 200 million users world wide, Twitter has established itself as a dynamic force, one that every business and nonprofit organization must understand how to use effectively.

 

The Ownership of All Life

The Ownership of All Life - Notes on Scandals, Conspiracies and CoverupsThe is a scary book. Not in the sense of a thriller or horror but in the facts presented by the author. Jon Rappoport has a way of weaving together stories and threads to make a difficult topic like genetic engineer easier to understand. In this book he takes a critical look at the origins of genetic engineering, the food and health business globally, as well as the depopulation agenda. The connecting thread leads back to the ownership of all life by major corporations. Governments have certainly become the lapdogs of corporations.

After reading this book it’s clear to that the system is rigged. What system is this? The food supply, the drug and healthcare industry. And What I mean here is that since the introduction of GATT through the World Trade Organisation, countries are no longer sovereign. And therefore the citizen or individual has to work even harder to maintain freedom. Consumer behaviour must be predictable and regular. If this is not the case, big business cannot run smoothly.

Some of the funniest parts in the book are the imagined conversations between for example the mystery CEO and the IMF. There are more of these gems of imagination. Parts of this book also reads like 1984 or Brave New World. This book is filled with reference, after reference. After checking some of them I resigned myself to the respect I gained from listening to the Jon Rappoport Show. Maybe the biggest lesson in this book is that nothing happens by accident. Everything that is taking place today has been planned for a long, long time. And we merely living through the results of decisions made a long time ago. Even through this book makes a strong case for the depopulation agenda, I still revel in the fact that the world population will reach 7 billion around October 2011.

 

Reuel Leach reviews Conquer CyberOverload

This week my friend Reuel Leach, who first published this report on Cellular Costs in South Africa, reviews a book sent me a while ago. We both are avid users of technology and enjoy helping people get more from real life, and technology second.

  • Book Title: Conquer Cyber Overload
  • Author: Joanne Cantor Ph.D
  • ISBN 9780984256808
  • Finished reading 29 June 2011

Joanne has addressed one of the almost incurable diseases of our time: addiction to technology, the very thing we thought would make life easier and save us time has become a major burden and is affecting our mental and physical health. Joanne explains how the mind works and explains that multi tasking is maybe not as good as we think it to be. She also explains how this cyber overload is affecting our relationships long term. I believe we should all create a code of ethics or rules for ourselves and she gives us useful guidelines to do so to help create a more balanced individual and family. We need to educate both children and adults on this subject. In fact this should be a subject that should be included in the curriculums at school. I highly recommend this book. Its short, concise and made for those who find themselves very busy and have little or no time to read. After all, time is the most valuable asset we have. Every second we waste of our lives is wasted forever.

Reuel Leach, is available as a speaker at your next conference. To book him simply send your request through our contact page.

 

Network Marketing-It's an Asset, Not a Job – By Robert Kiyosaki

NB! After several years of experimenting with Herbalife and Amway I have reversed my decision to invest more time and effort into network marketing. So before you read this book below, read this piece: WHY NETWORK MARKETING SUCKS by Gary Halbert.

The Business School for People Who Like Helping People, by Robert T. Kiyosaki, with Sharon Lechter, CPA, authors of Rich Dad, Poor Dad.I am sometimes asked, “Why do so few people make it to the top of their network marketing system?”

The truth is, the top of the network marketing system is open to everyone-unlike traditional corporate systems, which allow only one person to reach the top of the company. The reason most people do not reach the top is simply because they quit too soon. So why would someone quit short of the top?

Most people join only to make money. If they don’t make money in the first few months or years, they become discouraged and quit (and then often bad-mouth the industry!). Others quit and go looking for a company with a better compensation plan. But joining to make a few quick dollars is not the reason to get into the business.

The Two Essential Reasons to Join a Network Marketing Business

Reason number one is to help yourself. Reason number two is to help others. If you join for only one of these two reasons, then the system will not work for you.

Reason number one, means that you come to the business primarily to change quadrants-to change from the E (Employee) or the S (Self-employed) quadrant to the B (Business owner) or I (Investor) quadrant.

This change is normally very difficult for most people-because of money. The true E or S quadrant person will not work unless it is for money. This is also what causes people to not reach the top of the network marketing system: they want money more than they want to change quadrants.

A B quadrant or I quadrant person will also work for money, but in a different way. The B quadrant person works to build or create an asset-in this case, a business system. The I quadrant person invests in the asset or the system.

The beauty of most network marketing systems is that you do not really make much money unless you help others leave the E and S quadrants and succeed in the B and I quadrants. If you focus on helping others make this shift, then you will be successful in the business.

As a B or an I, sometimes you don’t get paid for years; this, a true E quadrant or S quadrant person will not do. It’s not part of their core values. Risk and delayed gratification disturb them emotionally.

Delayed Gratification and Emotional Intelligence

One of the beauties of network marketing is that it focuses on developing your emotional intelligence as well as your business skills.

Emotional intelligence is an entirely different matter from academic intelligence. In general, someone with high emotional intelligence will often do better than someone with high academic intelligence but low emotional intelligence. That explains, in part, why some people do well in school but not so well in the real world.

The ability to delay gratification is a sign of higher emotional intelligence. In a recent study of emotional intelligence, it was found that people who could delay gratification often led more successful lives than those who could not.

This is why the educational system inherent in a good network marketing opportunity is so important. It’s the emotional education or emotional intelligence aspect of their programs that I find so valuable for people.

Many people write me and tell me they loved my book, Rich Dad, Poor Dad, but I fear that many of them don’t get the most important point of the book: Lesson #1, “The rich don’t work for money.”

Once I have built or bought an asset, that asset works hard to make money for me. But I will not work for money-I will work only to build or buy assets. Those assets make me richer and richer, while I work less and less. That is what the rich do. The poor and middle class work hard for money, and then buy liabilities instead of investing in assets.

What Kind of Asset is a Network Marketing Business?

Remember, there are two reasons required to be successful in network marketing: to help yourself, and to help others. Reason number one means helping yourself get to the B side of the quadrant. What about reason number two

The beauty of most network marketing systems is that you don’t really make much money unless you help others leave the E and S
quadrants and succeed in the B and I quadrants. If you focus on helping others make this shift, then you will be successful in the business

If you only want to teach yourself to be a B quadrant and I quadrant person, then a true network marketing system won’t work for you. You may as well go to a traditional business school, which focuses only on your becoming a B quadrant person.

The beauty of a network marketing business is that your goal is to create assets, which are other B’s working under you-and their job is to create other B’s working under them. In traditional business, the focus is for the B to have only E’s and S’s working for them.

The type of business I was taught to build is a business with me at the top and E’s and S’s at the base. I really don’t have room at the top for many other B’s, which is why in my businesses, I strongly recommend that all my employees look into network marketing as their own part-time businesses.

The traditional corporate system really is a pyramid, because there are a few B’s and I’s near the top, and more E’s and S’s at the base. A network marketing system is a reverse pyramid: its primary focus is to bring up more and more B’s to the top.

One type of pyramid, the traditional type, has its base on the ground; the other type has its base in the air. It’s a pyramid that pulls you up instead of pushing you down. A network marketing business gives everyone access to what used to be the domain only of the rich.

This passage is excerpted by permission from The Business School for People Who Like Helping People, by Robert T. Kiyosaki, with Sharon Lechter, CPA, authors of Rich Dad, Poor Dad.

 

Act Like a Lady, Think Like a Man by Steve Harvey

Steve Harvey Act Like a Lady, Think Like a Man relationship book
Steve Harvey is one of the original comedians features in the Original Kings of Comedy along with Cedric the Entertainer, Bernie Mac and D.L. Hughley. Like most people I really enjoy a good laugh and one of my favourite past times is going to stand-up comedy shows. I recently got a Steve Harvey DVD from a friend and began watching it and didn’t really laugh that much. Maybe my taste in comedy is just different (I enjoy Chris Rock, but Eddie Izzard, George Carlin and Bill Hicks are my personal favourites).

Now what qualifies a comedian to write a relationship book you may ask? Well it’s really so easy to get published these days. You can be a former playboy model and suddenly become a writer of books on autism as Jenny McCarthy (helped by Oprah) proved. Seems like in this consumer society we’ll buy just about anything thrown at us. This is even more true when that person is Oprah Winfrey. Apparently Steve Harvey was featured on the show and this of course helped increase the sales of this book dramatically, irrespective of whether it is any good or not.

My problem with this book is that in many ways it is putting men down from time to time. Harvey encourages women to withhold sex to punish men in different chapters. Well I don’t know any man who would like to be punished in this way. Surely the mature thing to do is be direct and open about whatever is wrong in a relationship. Men are not from Mars and women are not from Venus, we are both from the planet earth. And as such we have more in common than we have different.

The book starts off with a section “The Mind-Set of a Man” and this is probably the best section of the book because it’s tells women exactly what’s important to men. I really think he nailed it when he described the drives of men as searching for a purpose and finding a path to realising that purpose. David Deida’s The Way of the Superior Man is the bible in this department and Harvey just points in that direction – remember, this is a book for women, not men! Another good analogy he captures is the way men see love differently from women. The Three P’s of Love – Profess, Provide and Protect are pretty accurate in a generalised sense. The idea that men need support, loyalty and the cookie (i.e. sex) is perhaps an oversimplification of the male needs. Harvey omits important considerations like male-bonding, father-son relationships, and so forth. After all this is what men need from women only.

The next section is aptly titled, “Why Men Do What They Do” and begins to unravel the foundation built in the previous section. Yes, it’s true that men first thing about sex before wanting a relationship. This is one of the most obvious facts and you don’t need to be an expert on evolutionary psychology to figure this out. Perhaps there are to many mamma’s boy in the world, but guess what there’s also too many single mother’s in the world. And teenage pregnancy is easily at an all time high in the history of the world – no seriously who’s to blame for this? Everyone – both men and women. Movements like Feminism has gone caused society to go from one extreme to another in the last 50 years. So it’s no coincidence we have what we have. Harvey’s ideas on cheating are sound and books like The Mating Mind and Sperm Wars go into much more depth for the curious at heart.

So what comes next? A section called “The Playbook” which is with everything from mature advice to childish games like the 90-day rule. Here’s where I really believe Harvey does not tell women what they are letting themselves in for when they begin playing these mind games. Harvey concludes almost grandly that men are trading money – cash – in exchange for female companionship. Well if I never…this is starting to sound like a really sophisticated guide to 21st century prostitution. Here’s how women pay men according to Harvey by hugging, kissing, women getting dressed up, going out with men, and lets not forget, sending explicit emails. Now you wonder why the porn business has exploded since the rise of the Internet? Maybe men are just sick and tired of these games. Women are supposedly objectified by media like Playboy and other magazines. So how come women play into this trap – this very game which modern day relationships and social dynamics between men and women are supposed to be without.

Much better books include: Why Men Love Bitches, The Secret Psychology of How We Fall In Love and How To Make Every Man Want You. This book is mostly likely aimed at divorced women or single mothers with all the talk of baby-momma’s and introducing children to men you’re dating. I’m not sure what sections co-author Denise Millner, wrote so it’s hard to say what was Steve’s ideas and hers. Its more likely she was the ghost writer of the book based on conversation with Mr Harvey.

 

The Fairy Godmother's Guide To Getting What You Want

The Fairy Godmother's Guide To Getting What You Want by Donna McCallumThe title of this book is so delicious I didn’t bother coming up with a different title for this blog post. I’ve know Donna McCallum for some time now and we’ve both been to each other’s workshops. This was actually one of the best lines for me at her book launch party because the reaction I got from the other guests were awe and surprise. Who is this guy who Donna went to for advice 😉 After all she’s the fairy godmother, and she makes your dreams come true. Well at one point I felt that describing myself as a blogger or trainer of bloggers will spoil the social interaction. After how many bloggers are nerds or geeks with no social skills? Plenty.

So who is the Fairy Godmother? Well Donna McCallum is a former advertising guru turned human potential guru. Maybe that’s taking it too far. However, Donna has an excellent grasp of the principles behind movies like The Secret and the works of people like Dr John Demartini and his mentor Dr Wayne Dyer. She makes the idea of manifesting your dream fun and exciting. And she has very practical strategies by which this is achieved.

Some time ago I was invited to attend her Dream Mapping workshop with a view of me writing a review on this as I had done so for Dr Demartini’s Speed Reading and Breakthrough Experience workshops. Anyway I never got around to writing that review. However, the success of the Fairy Godmother’s book launch is the simply the best book launch I have ever attended. The location was the amazing Zenatude restaurant / conference centre in Rivonia. And the team of people who were hosting the event and supporting Donna was simply outstanding. You could feel her personal magical fairy dust was sprinkled all around the venue. The people were all friendly and inspired by their experiences with Donna, or their friends who dragged them along to meet Donna.

Continue reading “The Fairy Godmother's Guide To Getting What You Want”

 

Losing My Faith in being a Jehovah's Witness

Losing My Faith in Jehovah's Witnesses by Robin JacksonThe Jehovah’s Witness organisation, also know as the Watchtower Bible and Tract Society, has become known as a very secluded and insular organisation. It is one of the more controversial denominations of the Christian religion. From my earliest days in Uitenhage I have been aware of their existence. And for the most part they came across as a group of people who were sincerely spreading their information brochures to clarify their teachings. Its only in the last few years that it has come closer to home because a cousin of mine converted to this religion and married into a Jehovah’s Witness family.

What I admire most about him till today is that not once has he tried to convert me, or has he insisted on me attending any services. I have been with him once or twice to the Kingdom Hall and noted some differences in how the religious ceremonies take place compared to my own experiences in the Dutch Reformed Church and some other Evangelical churches. At the same time my own mother became a reborn Christian in about 1988 when my sister was born, and when I entered high school. She is a staunch advocate against the Witness organisation and all other belief systems like Islam, Hinduism, etc. This stance is something that is difficult for me to reconcile. I have always preferred to find the things we have in common with those from different cultures or belief systems because after all we are all human beings, and we are all created in the image of God.

Continue reading “Losing My Faith in being a Jehovah's Witness”

 

From Q&A to the Slumdog Millionaire

Arthur Goldstuck told me about the book Q&A by Vikas Swarup. What amused him was that the character’s name is Ramon Mohammed Thomas, similar to mine. And that I was on the South Africa version of the Weakest Link around the same time that the book was published. This book is on my to-read list.

So it’s no surprise to find out the book has been adapted into a film by the name of Slumdog Millionaire. The title character’s name has been changed and the story possible shorted for dramatic effect.

From Danny Boyle, director of Trainspotting and 28 Days Later, comes the story of Jamal Malik, an 18 year-old orphan from the slums of Mumbai, who is about to experience the biggest day of his life. With the whole nation watching, he is just one question away from winning a staggering 20 million rupees on India’s “Who Wants To Be A Millionaire?”

For more info about FREE Screenings in your area, visit: SLUMDOG MILLIONAIRE website. Here’s the trailer one of the few movies praised by FilmThreat.com in reviews.