Dating Tips & Personal Development for South Africans
July 18th, 2007 — Interviews
You may be interested in this is an interview I did with journalist and blogger Damaria Senne about self promotion and building your own profile. A friend of mine once suggested that I offer this as a service to clients. So if you want to obliterate your competition and position yourself as an expert in your field or your industry, contact me directly on 082 9407137.
Popularity: 11% [?]
July 2nd, 2007 — Interviews
This morning I was a guest for the first time on CNBC Africa, a new 24 hour business and finance channel for African business. It’s broadcast on channel 54 on DStv. Anyway the interview was short but to prepare I answered several questions for the producer of the Business AM show hosted by Peter Ndoro and Leigh Roberts.
It really comes down the fact that brokers like most people in the knowledge economy almost exclusively focus on left brain thinking and activities. This is where logical thinking and problem solving skills come together. And what makes one broker better then the next. Now when it comes to meeting and interacting with women the opposite of logical thinking applies. For example when you meet an attractive women the last thing you want to do is giver her a compliment on her physical appearance ? this is the logical thing to do but it’s wrong! Instead what you should do is tease her about something, which will immediately differentiate you from the 99% of men who have approached her on any given day.
Popularity: 15% [?]
June 15th, 2007 — Books, Interviews
The funny thing about this book is that I bought it after listing to his public talk on the topic but I have not read it because its with a friend who needs it more than I do right now. Anyway one of my favourite websites for video content is Conscious Media Network with a ton of full length (30mins to 1 hour and sometimes more) video interviews with experts in various disciplines from the most esoteric, to string theory. And this is the website where I first encountered the work of Dr John Demartini. I guarantee you will learn something about relating to your men or women in romantic relationships from this interview:
You may also be interested in purchasing The Heart of Love from Kalahari.net if you live in South Africa or from Amazon.com if you live elsewhere in the world.
Popularity: 23% [?]
May 20th, 2007 — Interviews, Seduction
Popularity: 47% [?]
April 26th, 2006 — Interviews
This is a very old myth. There are incredibly successful, intelligent people who are online dating as a means of meeting their life partner. Check out the top 10 misconceptions people make in online dating. Listen in while Dr. Wright interviews Coach Katherine to discuss the top 10 myths in online dating.Dr. Wright
This is Dr. Letitia Wright for idcdating.com where we are creating multicultural relationships every day. Today, my guest is Coach Katherine. And we are going to be talking about the top 10 online dating myths.
But first I want to tell you about Coach Katherine. She devoted her life to the pursuit of love and romance. Not just for herself but for the millions of single people who want love in their lives. Katherine coaches singles worldwide and teaches them seminars and workshops to help people empower themselves. And empower themselves to find love and happiness. Coach Katherine assists you to live the life you love with the love of your life.
Welcome.
Coach Katherine:
Thank you. It is great to be here.
Dr. Wright
We are talking about the top 10 online dating myths. And Coach Katherine has some really great information to share with us. So I just want to dig right in. What is our number 1 online dating myth?
Coach Katherine:
Number 1 is I do not need help dating people. Well, my guess is people are not lined up at your door waiting to date, right? So we need all the available tool, person, support group that we can to find people so that we can find that perfect match. And using the tool of online dating is a perfect way to be able to search your millions of singles and find that one perfect match.
Dr. Wright
So really they should look at online dating as a tool not as an indictment on their personality.
Coach Katherine:
Exactly. Exactly. And it does not mean that you stop looking for people around you but ask your friends. Let people know that you are looking for love. Get online. Do not be shy about it if that is what you want in your life. Use this wonderful tool of online dating to find that one special person for you.
Dr. Wright
Okay. Number 2.
Coach Katherine:
Number 2. The Internet is not safe.
Dr. Wright
That is a big one.
Coach Katherine:
That is a big one. And it is interesting because who is on the Internet is a slice of the population. So they are pretty much saying the world is not safe. Well, maybe that is the way they look at it. But you got to be smart, you got to use common sense and be safe online. But you know what? It is interesting because online you can sort through, you can email, you can even talk on the phone. And people never know your personal information.
When you decide that it is a good match or someone you want to date, then and only then do you give out that information. So it is actually safer than being in a club and having some guy follow you. On my dating sites have got layers and layers of software into the tools to make sure that you are safe when you are talking to people online.
Dr. Wright And we just probably need to use common sense just like the precautions we would use on a new person we meet in person. We did the same thing online.
Coach Katherine:
Exactly. That common sense is about finding inconsistencies in what they are saying or hesitancy. Check it out. But the bottom line is do not give out your personal information until you are ready to do that and so it is actually safer online than it is not.
Dr. Wright
Okay. Number 3.
Coach Katherine:
Number 3. Online dating is for losers. This is a very old myth. And years and years ago, we started with the personal ads in newspapers. And then when the online dating took on, now there are just incredible quality, successful, intelligent people who are online because they are too busy. They have fabulous lives but they never want someone in their life and so they are using online dating as a way of finding a fabulous person for them.
Dr. Wright
And all through history busy people have used some other tool to help them find a mate. And this maybe in the year 2006 online is a great tool for busy people.
Coach Katherine:
Exactly. Exactly. There is a lot of professional, intelligent people out there.
Dr. Wright
Great. Okay. Number 4.
Coach Katherine:
Number 4. I meet people all the time. Yes. That is great. But think of how many millions of people you can actually meet online very quickly, very easily. It is a terrific tool. You can filter through. You can figure out what it is that you want. And how close in terms of location they are to you. And you can then email those people.
Dr. Wright
And you can be as specific as you want when you are doing that online dating.
Coach Katherine:
Yes. And a lot of these dating online dating sites are getting extremely specific in terms of how you can pick those people that have those characteristics that you are looking for.
Dr. Wright
Because I know in idcdating.com we specialize in multicultural relationships. Those people who are open to meeting people around the world this is the place for them but every - - and this is for everybody probably.
Coach Katherine:
Exactly. Yes.
Dr. Wright
Okay. Let us go on to number 5.
Coach Katherine:
Number 5. I am not desperate. Well, neither are the people that are online. They are busy. They are wanting a larger pool to choose from. You might have a great person that is only 10 miles away from, from where you work. But you will never meet them necessarily if you are just out and about. But if they are online it is very easy to find them. And (inaudible) get it for the busy people who are looking for a larger pool to date from and to find their mate from.
Dr. Wright
And maybe you just do not want to date from those small pool that you are in all the time. So how do you meet other people? You have got to do something to get out there.
Coach Katherine:
Exactly. Exactly. You have to get out there. And one way to do that is by getting online.
Dr. Wright
Okay. Number 6.
Coach Katherine:
Number 6. I am too old to date online. This myth is absolutely blown away in this last couple of years. The largest growth in demographics is to the over 40 group. There are more and more people that are getting online that are in their 40s and 50s. Bottom line is you are never too old to find love. And many people even seniors are out there finding love online. It is a great venue for that.
Dr. Wright
Are you finding that people over 40 are much more clear about what they want?
Coach Katherine:
Yes. It is a couple of reasons. Number 1, it is because they had enough life experiences so they are beginning to get very clear. Number 2, I think a lot of people over 40 are just done with the games and realizing that is not getting them what they need. They now know what they want and they are going for it. And online is a great place for them to do that.
Dr. Wright
And they have been very successful with it.
Coach Katherine:
They are. Right. Those that are saying I am on my quest to find love and I am going to use this tool. They are very successful.
Dr. Wright
Okay. Number 8. I am sorry. Number 7. Number 7.
Coach Katherine:
Number 7. I would not meet anyone online who shares my interest. This one just cracks me up because I teach a lot of online dating classes. And I teach one that is up close and personal where people can actually go and sit down at the computer and I have a photographer there. And when they leave they are online dating.
And one gal was dragged there by her neighbor and I could see she really did not want to be there. And I said, Well, why don’t you just start by browsing while we are setting up for the photographer.” And so she is out there browsing and she is getting very specific on her filters and all of a sudden she just jumps up and she says, “Oh, my God. Oh, my God. This looks perfect. How do I get started?” He is within 5 miles of her house, had every single thing that she was looking for and he was just dreamy. Then she could not wait to get online and get started so she could email him.
Dr. Wright Wow. She was just ready to go. She - - just for 5 minutes of being on there just fooling around (inaudible).
Coach Katherine:
Exactly. And you know what? That is really a good way to get started. You do not have to create your profile first. Get out there and do some searching. And trust me that will get you excited about getting online, signing up and quickly getting a profile there so that you can email these people. Because it is just very easy to find someone with those interests and those characteristics that you are looking for.
Dr. Wright
Okay. Number 8.
Coach Katherine:
Number 8. I will only meet liars. Well, some people do exaggerate in their profiles. And that is a shame because - - trust me they will get busted if you meet them in person, right? If they put up a picture of maybe 6 years old or even their neighbor’s picture which I hear that on occasion. But the bottom line is you need to be smart and have common sense about anybody that you are talking to whether you are in person or at the grocery store or at work or if you are online. And you got to think about that law of attraction as well. If you are stuck on only meeting liars then maybe that is something that you need to look at for yourself. Maybe you have issues around trust. Maybe this is something that you want to look at for yourself first.
Dr. Wright
Now, is this something that you help people with in terms of getting themselves prepared to really have a relationship and look into those issues?
Coach Katherine:
Absolutely. Absolutely. Because if people come to me and on a scale of 1 to 10 they consider themselves as 5 but they are looking to date a 10, my response is I can get you a date with a 5 but you want to get a 10? There is going to be some work here. And so we will recommend that they stop and they do their work so that they can become the best they are and then they will attract someone of a higher quality. And they will feel better about that because they will be a better person themselves. We use that law of attraction. If you do not like the people that you are hanging out with, guess what? That is how you are. You need to increase who you are first. And then go back out there and see who you attract.
Dr. Wright
Okay. Number 9.
Coach Katherine:
Number 9. I am not ready for a relationship. The great thing about online dating is that you can be very clear. If you are just looking for an activity partner, you are looking to date; you are looking for long term; you are looking for marriage. Be clear. Be upfront about it. There are a lot of people who are just looking for activity partners.
Dr. Wright
And I think people do not think about that for online dating that you can find somebody who is into bowling and into doing things with you.
Coach Katherine:
Exactly. The bottom line is you need to take the time to get to know someone anyway. So if you are really in a big hurry to get married you need to think about well, how do I create that friendship first and then - - but people can put right on their profiles what they are looking for. And if you are not looking to get married be sure you are very specific and just say I am looking to date. And if you just got out of a long-term relationship I suggest you do a little dating and the best place to do that is online. And then work into a long-term relationship if that is what you are wanting.
Dr. Wright
Okay. And number 10.
Coach Katherine:
Number 10. Online dating costs too much. This one is a huge mess because if you - - how much money people spend on coffee in a month? That is way more than what it costs in a month to be online. Online dating is one of the most inexpensive ways to meet the most amount of people in a very short time. It is very inexpensive. And if you sign up for a matchmaker it is a hundred times more expensive than online dating. The only time online dating gets expensive is if you sign up and you pay and then you never use it.
Dr. Wright
Yes. Are people really signing up and then not using the benefits of their online service?
Coach Katherine:
Some people do. They get nervous or they put it off. They think they have to get their profile on there first instead of getting excited about just doing searches. And 6 months later they have not even used the tool. Well, then it is expensive. Anything that you do not use is expensive, right? So I recommend you get in there do some browsing first and then get your profile going and then sign up. Because then you are going to be excited. You have already seen he is out there. You want to meet someone. And that is going to get you motivated to get online.
Dr. Wright
Okay. I wanted to touch on something, go back a little bit. Because you talked about the classes you give and how you did their photo ready and you help them with their profile. Let us talk about photos because a lot of times I see photos that are just, guys have just used their webcam and instead of that sleepy, morning bad lighting photo.
Coach Katherine:
It makes the whole face look elongated. Doesn’t it?
Dr. Wright
Yes. Yes.
Coach Katherine:
Do not do that. Right. Get a professional photographer to take your picture. Because your picture is your 2-second first impression online. People are only browsing pictures usually in the slide show format. And a lot of singles will spend so much time working on that profile and yet no one is going to see it if your picture is not something that draws them in.
Dr. Wright
Okay.
Coach Katherine:
So let me give you some tips on pictures, Okay? First of all, it is only you in the picture. You do not get to bring your dogs, your kids, your bathtub.
Dr. Wright
Your 3 cats.
Coach Katherine:
Your 3 cats. Right. And you do not get to bring your hat or your sunglasses. Right? That is hiding behind something. So it is just the headshot so that you can show up and people can really see who you are. And then you want to make sure you are looking straight into the camera with both eyes. Because now what happens is you create that Mona Lisa eye where no matter where that person is looking on the screen you are looking at them. And what do we do when people are looking at us?
Dr. Wright
We look back.
Coach Katherine:
We look back. Right. So you will constantly be in their radar screen and “Oh, look at this person.” So first thing, look in the camera. Have a nice smile. Not over the top where you are just busting out laughing because then it looks like there is something going on and the people are feeling left out.
Dr. Wright
Okay. No Cheshire cat smile.
Coach Katherine:
No. No. Tone it down just a bit, right? And then lean forward. Because when you lean forward, that is the body language that says I am very interested in getting to know you. I am focused on you. People like that and they get that feeling. And then tilt your head just a bit.
Dr. Wright
Okay. So either to the left or - -
Coach Katherine:
It does not matter. Just tilt. That brings up all of those warm, fuzzy feelings. Because when we were little babies and we were being nursed, bottle-fed and you looked up at mom’s head, it was tilted to us.
Dr. Wright
Wow. I never knew that. Okay.
Coach Katherine:
Yes. Yes. And so it is kind of that subconscious way of pulling out some feelings that you want people to have when they look at your photo. You look way more approachable, kind, and it brings out things that they do not even know is going on with them in that moment. And then here is the thing. If it is a woman make sure you have your hands up touching yourself in the picture. If you are a guy do not do this. Okay?
Dr. Wright
Okay.
Coach Katherine:
Guys do not touch yourself. The woman needs to be touching her chin or just the lower side of her face or her neck or somewhere on - - in that headshot that makes her appear touchable and approachable.
Dr. Wright
Okay.
Coach Katherine:
Do not have the hand higher up on the face where it looks like you are scrutinizing them. Okay. Draw it down a little bit maybe resting on the chin or touching your neck. That is what guys love because they imagine - - imagining themselves touching you and you look touchable and approachable.
Dr. Wright
Wow. That is a great fit.
Coach Katherine:
Yes. And it works. Cause guys do not even know what hits them when they look at that, right?
Dr. Wright
And when you help people really compose their picture correctly, do you see like a really tremendous increase on responses?
Coach Katherine:
Absolutely. First of all you have to have a picture. That is going to increase your - - amount of people looking at you by - - what is it? 14, 18 times. And then if the picture is professionally done but does not look overly made up absolutely it is going to increase. And it is going to be who you are coming through. And so what you want to do is make sure that a person of the opposite sex, if that is who you are looking for, looks at your picture and gives you an honest opinion of it. Do not let your girlfriends look at it because they are going to “Oh, you look so cute.” Well, that is not what you are looking for. You want to attract the opposite sex. You want to attract a different pool. Okay. So have those people evaluate.
And make sure that you are wearing the color of your eyes. That should - - if you have some blue eyes, hazel eyes or green eyes. That will make your eyes really (inaudible)- - where they can really focus on your eyes. If you have really darker eyes then wear your blush tone. Wear rust or (inaudible), or a magenta, those colors so that you look really healthy and really approachable.
Dr. Wright Okay. That is wonderful. That was some really great tips. And believe me, I can tell people do not know that.
Coach Katherine:
Yes. You can see them and “What are they thinking?” “Yes. Thank you.” Then I just had a fellow. I was looking in his profile with him and he had this very casual photo that I could tell was professionally done but it was just phenomenal. And what he had done was he put - - he is sitting on it, on the couch with his leg crossed over and his arm was on the back of the couch. It looked extremely inviting for a woman to just come right into that photo and sit down next to him.
Dr. Wright
Wow.
Coach Katherine:
Very well done.
Dr. Wright
Very well done. Okay. And good lighting and all that good stuff to go with all the other tips.
Coach Katherine:
Absolutely. Good lighting. No shadows on your face.
Dr. Wright
Okay. Okay. Thank you so much. Coach Katherine is at www.makinglovework4u.com. It is making love work, the number 4 and the letter U.com. And so if you need a profile make over or you need to work out some issues, she is there for you, is that right?
Coach Katherine:
Absolutely. Call me.
Dr. Wright
Thank you so much. Thank you guys. This is Dr. Letitia Wright for idcdating.com. Creating multicultural relationships every day. Remember ignoring one’s conscious is neither safe nor right. And I will talk to you next time.
Popularity: 10% [?]
April 5th, 2006 — Celebrity, Interviews
Shannon Smith started modelling at 18 doing fashion shows, commercials, editorials and then went to London for a year in 2004 to work there and try earn British Pounds! After returing she joined ICE Model Management and has been working non stop ever since! She came 9th in 2005 in FHM 100 Sexiest Women in the World poll and is Miss March in 2006 FHM Calander. Shannon has done TV commercials for Jet, Samsung, Gillette, Shield Deodorant, Danone, and more. She briefly presented Tourism Biz on SABC3 early in 2006 for a few episodes and then decided to do a television presenting course with On Cue Communications, which she has just completed. She has done various voice over work for television commercials and MC work for a few functions and events. Shannon has a Diploma in Event, Conference & Exhibition Management and currently works for an Event company in Rivonia.
RT:What is your current relationship status …and why?
SS:I am currently in a stable relationship with a wonderful guy and I am very happy.
RT:What are the characteristics and qualities you find attractive in a man and why?
SS:Definitely honesty, and he MUST be able to make me laugh- which isnt too difficult. I also like tall guys with good bodies, and I am a total sucker for romance.
RT:How do you as a woman get what you want in a relationship?
SS:I think you need to make it clear in the beginning of every relationship what it is you want out of the relationship and establish boundaries etc right up front so that its smooth sailing right from the get go. If you start off letting little things slide by and not saying anything, you are bound to have problems in the future.
RT:What things do men do that turn you off?
SS:Definitely guys that think they are Gods gift to women. The guys that look in the mirror more than their girlfriends and guys that take longer to get dressed than me- NO WAY!
RT:Do you believe in opposites attract and why?
SS:I think in some relationships opposites attract but not my relationships, I need to have a lot in common with my guy, same interests and goals in life etc.
RT:Do you believe in love at first sight and why?
SS:No, I believe in LUST at first sight, thats how I felt about the guy I am dating now when we first met!
RT:Whats the worst pick-up line that’s ever been used on you by a man and how did you respond?
SS:I dont really hear many pick-up lines, I think guys feel intimidated coming up to me, like I will turn out to be some terrible person and turn my back on them or laugh, but I am actually very friendly.
RT:What’s the most embarrassing date you’ve ever been on?
SS:I went out for dinner to Monte Casino once with a guy, and when it came time to pay the bill he told me he didnt have cash on him so he needed to go draw, when he came back he said he had no cash in his bank either. I had left my purse at home, so I had to call my dad to come pay for the meal, AND he had to ask total strangers for spare change to get out of the parking!!!
RT:How do men react when you are alone vs. when you are in a group setting?
SS:I think guys are more easy going and relaxed when in a group situation and definitely more cocky and sarcastic, but when its just me and a guy alone most guys get all shy and dont have much to say, maybe thats coz I can talk the hind leg off a donkey!
RT:How has the feminist revolution affected life for women in the 21st century?
SS:Well I am no Miss South Africa so I am not gonna be able to give some hectic answer to that question, but I reckon its been exceptionally good for us, we have loads more respect from men, and loads more respect for ourselves!!
RT:What kind of relationship issues do you and your girlfriends discuss most often?
SS:We mostly discuss sexual issues and as we are all getting older, I realised we have started talking more about kids and marriage etc more often, OH DEAR!
RT:Do you have any suggestions about what women can do differently to become more successful in dating and relationship with men?
SS:Dont let men push you around, stand up for what u think is right and dont settle for 2nd best, there is definitely the PERFECT guy out there for EVERY woman. NEVER SETTLE!!!
RT:Do you have any suggestions on how guys should approach a woman?
SS:Lay off on the attitude and quit thinking you are THE MAN. Be genuine and funny and charming, DONT SWEAR, I hate men that swear.
RT:What is your idea of the ideal date?
SS:A private dinner table for two on a beautiful exotic beach, eating sushi and watching the sun set, then a walk on the beach after dinner and lying on the beach sand watching the stars above trying to spot shooting stars!
RT:What do you think of Speed Dating and would you ever try it?
SS:No I would not try it but it must work for some people coz I have a very good friend that has a perfectly good relationship and they met in a speed dating experience.
RT:What do you think of Online Dating and would you ever try it?
SS:No I would not try it, its too risky, people are never honest in those things. So you think you are talking to a 25year old Brad Pitt look a like but in actual fact you are talking to a 51 year old divorced father of two!
Checkout Shannon Smith’s MySpace profile for more photos… You can also contact her booking agents through ICE Models and Celebridex. You can also connect with her on Facebook.
Popularity: 15% [?]
December 7th, 2005 — Celebrity, Interviews
Michelle Garforth has successfully secured her name on both sides of the Atlantic as a highly respected international TV Anchor, Producer and Journalist. She has been described as being like a breath of fresh air on camera; articulate, knowledgeable and approachable. You may recognise her from the current tv show Wild Ltd on SABC2.
RT: What is your current relationship status? And why?
MG: I’m single, that is why we are talking and why, well that is a little more complicated I think, um why happily single. I would prefer to rather be single than to be in a relationship that is not a 125% true, honest, loving and healthy. So I go for the full nine yards so to speak, as opposed to settling for 2nd best.
RT: What are the characteristics and qualities you find attractive in a man? And Why?
MG: It varies, and I would say a lot of it has to do with the person’s soul and charisma because that is what shines forward. Yes, there will be a physical attraction but it is so much about what is inside that comes out and that which you see first and that is what you are attracted to first. If you talk about physical attributes that I look at – eyes, they are definitely the spiritual window of the soul, men’s hands are intriguing – their wrists, that sense of testosterone and manliness, what makes a man a man! That is definitely what I notice the eyes, the hands, and the light of the person.
RT: You are talking about the inside, how do you go about finding that out because you know you get the first impression, surely you can’t get a sense of his soul, spirituality and charisma just be looking at him.
MG: Agreed, and I think that is where you need to open up the book and read that chapter and spend some time talking, asking certain pertinent questions to find out people’s opinions and view points. And perhaps help them understand what their thinking is on a certain topic. So yes it is about spending time and communicating to get closer to their heart.
RT: There is no such thing as a 50/ 50 relationship, I think someone is always in control
MG: I think it is a hundred percent on either side, I also think that those percentages will change and shape and grow and sometimes there will be a dent on the one side and then it will spring back again. Because you can’t be expected to be the strong leader or equal partner all the time, that is what a relationship is, is having someone to lean on when you most need it. And then allowing them and being a pillar of strength for them to lean on you.
RT: How do you as a woman get what you want in a relationship?
MG: I am not very manipulative and conniving, I tend to be very straight up and honest and clear from the point of view I come from. In terms of getting what I want, I tend to get what I want because I am able to state what I want.
RT: What things that men do could be a turn off?
MG: I don’t like deceit and lies, I don’t like ego, I don’t like veiled hidden agendas, I am not one who is turned on by manipulative business practice in order to get what they are wanting, that for me doesn’t work, I prefer honest clear human beings.
RT: Have you had that kind of experience where somebody has tried to seduce you, sort of ulterior motives?
MG: Very much so. And I think when ever you are in the public eye, then immediately you are put on a pedestal of some sort in somebodies eyes. Unfortunately that is not the reality of it, from Mick Jagger, to J Lo and right through to Michelle Garforth or Gareth Cliff, we are just human beings. We have lives, emotions, depressions, upsets, joy, happiness, frustrations, and it just so happens that we make our money in the public eye. We are not on a pedestal and I think very often what happens when you get into relationships when you are in the capacity of a celebrity (we have gotta find another word for celebrity), you fall off your pedestal.
RT: Do you believe in opposites attract and why?
MG: I do believe opposites attract, my best friend Kim from the age of 12, we are totally different human beings, I am a traveller and an adventurer, Kim is very much a home body, has found the most wonderful life in being a superb mother. We are pro departs in terms of personality yet we get on like a house on fire, there is a wonderful sanctuary that we have together in our friendship. And so yes I do think that opposites attract and they do balance each other out. {mosimage}
RT: Do you believe in love at first sight? And why?
MG: I do. Because I have experienced it. I met my husband, I was married, Mark died in a plane crash in 1998, but I met Mark - literally looked at him and knew you are the man I am going to marry. I just knew immediately and we were married within a 3 month time frame, and the best way I can describe it is laying eyes on another person and going wow, this is it. And I think it is very much a personal decision and commitment in that you make it work to go further.
RT: What is the worst pick-up line ever used on you by a man, and how did you respond?
MG: Do men still use pick-up lines? I mean I know that there is a flirtatiousness and a banter of one liners…
RT: Oay so what is the worst approach you have ever had?
MG: I don’t like teasing, I don’t like it when people tease each other, and I find that there is a lot of negative that happens in that teasing moment. And because it is coming from a man, he tends to be stronger physical and comes across as being a bit of a bully. And so I really don’t like teasing and I find a lot of men do that, they think it is attractive to put you down. It so does not work for me.
RT: What is the most embarrassing date you have been on?
MG: I think blind dates are embarrassing in that you know you are being set up by friends with somebody they perceive you to like, and I have got to tell you every single blind date that I have been on, does not work! Which is an interesting process then, because do your friends really know you?
RT: And what is the most exciting date you have ever been on?
MG: I would say, well the most exciting date was actually when I got married. Mark and I sky dived, he sky dived into the wedding. And the first date we officially went on, we went up to Leopard Rock near Sun City, and we went Sky Diving on a date.
RT: How do men react when you are along vs when you are in a group?
MG: Well when I am alone I tend to be more girly and when I am in a group as one is, I tend to be louder and more chatty, and how do they react to me in those two different persona’s… I say if they know the heart of you they are able to transition in and out of those different zones quite easily.
RT: How has the Feminist Revolution affected women in the 21st century?
MG: Oh my goodness, I think life for our generation of women is a challenge, lets say that. Because we are working, men are having to perceive us as workers – we have hours just as they do. We are earning the same now, we are also demanding of our work hours: saying honey I will be home at 6pm, are you making the dinner tonight? Why is it always the women’s duty? And I do believe that South Africa is in an interesting social climate because of apartheid, our men were never educated as they were overseas, with basic things such as Mens magazines, fashion, grooming, those sort of things. So we in terms of South Africa, feel that our men have caught up graciously and very quickly, but we did go through a period where women needed to be women and there has been an incredible emotional, psychological growth within the men in Johannesburg, Cape Town, our South African society which is wonderful. The adaption to the new way of women. We do need two salaries, in order to have a household. So yes we are living in interesting times, and are definitely in the forefront, we are almost pioneers in the new civilisation.
RT: What kind of relationship issues do you and your girlfriends discuss most often?
MG: I think we discuss, and there are many topics, but I would say it is the business of getting the balance right in our lives, so that we can contribute to healthier more functional relationships with our men. Really I would say that is what it is, how do we juggle this better, how do we time manage, how do we improve our time management at the office, how do we pull in projects and still be moms and supportive partners in our husband’s careers? There is a lot of pressure and in terms of my girlfriends that is what we spend a lot of time discussing, and I think we also spend a lot of time talking about how clear we are on the types of relationships we are looking for. We want healthy functional situations that are communicative with your one on one person.
RT: Do you have any suggestions about what women can do differently to be more successful in dating and relationships with men?
MG: I guess if I had tips I wouldn’t be single… But I think it is a process of when you are committed to go out on a date, and I think dating is important, it is a vital valuable thing to be doing, putting yourself out there. You are not going to find the man of your dreams by staying at home and eating popcorn and watching movies. You have got to put yourself in that social situation. And when you are, I think it is a case of trusting your gut instinct and using your intelligence, your integrity but asking certain pertinently placed questions, to find out more about that person in a quick changeable manner, as opposed to leaving it up to the guys. You know be the master of your own destiny.
RT: Do you have any suggestions on how guys should approach women?
MG: Yes, I think you know what, if you like somebody as a man just approach her in that true, honest manner and say hi my name is Charles and I think you are wonderful…. I would love to take you out for dinner and get to know you better, I like what I am seeing.
{mosimage}RT: What is your idea of an ideal date?
MG: Ideal date, oh my goodness there are so many options. I am one for picnics, I love picnics! I like to pack a basket, I prefer it than going to a restaurant. Pack a basket, go and sit by a river and chill with the birds and the trees, and nice bottle of champagne, I love dry champagne. Some nice picky foods: strawberries and some carrots, cold meats etc… Just to sit in nature and talk!
RT: What do you think of speed dating? And would you try it?
MG: I would love to, and I think it is a good idea, it buys a little into my concept of love at first sight, and also I think trusting your gut instinct when you lay eyes on somebody.
RT: What do you think of online dating and would you try it?
MG: I haven’t tried it in that I have logged on to one of the websites, and kind of put myself out there with a profile, I haven’t. I know a lot of my girlfriends have, especially ages like 35 to say 48 are doing it, and successfully. It seems to be in a protected environment, in that the girls are smart and they are looking after themselves, I think it is a little bit dangerous. But women are doing it and they are doing it successfully and there are a lot of successful stories out of it. From my perspective, I mean I have friends from all over the world that I can talk to on certain levels but you know at the end of the day they live in a foreign country and I am here. It tends to be a little fantastical that a relationship will ensue, lets be honest you are really continents divided. So I take it day by day and as things are meant to happen in my life they do.
Take a moment and visit the amazing Michell Garforth website.
Popularity: 17% [?]
May 30th, 2005 — Celebrity, Interviews
Mark Pilgrim is one of the most recognizable radio and television personalities in South Africa. His first love has always been radio, and for the past 10 years listeners have enjoyed his warm (and somewhat wry) sense of humour.RT: What is your current relationship status….and why?
MP: I am seeing someone new. I have just come out of a long term relationship and met someone else I was attracted to. P.S, contrary to tabloid gossip, I have never been married.
RT: What are the things you find attractive in a woman and why?
MP: A smile. A sense of confidence. Independence. A girl-next-door look. Must be slim.
RT: How do you as a man get what you want in a relationship?
MP: It’s either someone your partner has or doesn’t. Don’t try and change someone into the way you like them to be.
RT:What kind of things that women do, turn you off?
MP: If you mean what do woman do to turn me off… the answer is easy… get moody too often. My emotions run stable and I like calmness in my life.
RT:Do you believe in opposites attract and why?
I do, but generally believe in my life these are more physical relationships and don’t last too long. Not that anything is wrong with that. Why should every relationship be with the intention of lasting forever?
RT:Do you believe in love at first sight and why?
MP:No. I believe in lust at first sight. It takes a while to get to know what someone is REALLY like.
RT:What’s the worst pick-up line you’ve used on a woman and did it work?
MP:In all honesty I have never used a “pick-up line”. I have simply gone up to someone and say “Hi” (my profession helps a little!).
RT:Have you ever messed up on the first date and did she want to see you again?
MP:I haven’t “messed up”, but have had dates where we realise we don’t actually get on. I usually cut them short. Rule of thumb: if you haven’t really been in a social setting with them before, don’t commit to a dinner. Go for “early evening drinks”. If you get on, it can progress to dinner. If she’s awful, bail out early!
RT:How do women react when you’re alone vs. when you’re in a group setting?
MP:Girls aren’t as shy or submissive anymore. Regardless of where I am, if they want to come up and say hi, they generally do! I like that.
RT:How has the feminist revolution affected life for men in the 21st century?
I believe in female emancipation. We are equals. I will always open a car door for a woman, but I like her to be independent and stand up for herself (just please keep shaving under the arms!).
RT:What kind of relationship issues do you and your guy friends discuss?
MP:Come on…guys don’t discuss “relationship issues”. We are too shallow…we just talk about ass.
RT:Do you have any suggestions you can share with our male readers about what a man can do be more attractive and confident to women like you?
MP: Believe in yourself. Confidence is very attractive. I have a mate who is not good looking at all, but he is so confident (yet, not cocky). He makes them laugh. Also, try and dress with some style, even if it is in jeans. First impressions DO count. RT jeans projects a sloppy image. Get a pair of Diesels. Yes, they are more expensive, but you’ll look a lot better in them. And DON’T wear any shirt with retail branding on (e.g “ I cycled the Pick n Pay Argus”, or “SPCA volunteer”).
RT:Do you have any suggestions you can share with our readers on how guys should approach a woman?
Don’t use a silly pick-up line. Just go over and introduce yourself. Approach with the confidence that should she bat you off, you wouldn’t be fazed because it’s her loss. Also, be warned: if a gorgeous girl approaches you at a bar…she probably just wants a free drink!
RT:Do you have any suggestions or preferences for the ideal date?
If you haven’t really socialised with her before, meet her for early evening drinks. That way you both have an escape option and don’t feel pressured.
RT:What do you think of Speed Dating and would you try it?
MP: Heard about it. I personally wouldn’t do it because most people want to be with me for the wrong reasons. For someone not in the public eye, sure. You just never know where or when you going to meet someone that will blow you away.
RT:Finally what do you think of Online Dating and would you try it?
Never tried it, but have a mate who swears by it. He goes on numerous dates with some really gorgeous girls… and has fun!
More about Mark Pilgrim
After obtaining his B.com and working in market research for 10 years, he decided to follow his heart and joined 5FM back in 1995. After 8 years they parted ways and he now freelances for Johannesburg’s 94.7 Highveld Stereo, hosting the Hot 30 Chartshow on Saturdays.
He is as comfortable in front of the cameras as he is behind the microphone, with a string of TV shows to his credit, including: New Moves, Retail Therapy, Face 2 Face as well as South Africa’s first reality television series Big Brother. In another South African television first, his new controversial show called “Sex Etc” comes to MNET in May 2005!
Visit the Mark Pilgrim website for more information.
Popularity: 14% [?]
May 17th, 2005 — Celebrity, Interviews
RT: My first question is what is your relationship status?
JD: I’m single
RT: And why is that? You are a gorgeous, really vibrant woman.
JD: Yes, but I am still young and I think that my focus for now is my career, and settling myself. I want to be strong for myself, before I can offer someone else anything.
RT: What do you find attractive in a man? And why?
JD: hmmm just a very strong character and personality. For instance drugs, promiscuity, stuff like one night stands and casual sex, is a huge turn off for me.
RT: But how are you going to know what their plans are?
JD: I’ll ask first, I am very upfront! Just somebody that you can connect with, I don’t think you can choose who you want to be with, it just happens, I think the minute I do have a relationship with someone it has got to be that instant chemical reaction, where you just know - okay I can click with this person!
RT: How do you as a woman, get what you want from a man?
JD: I don’t believe in playing games because then you are setting yourself up for disaster, you have got to be completely honest if you are in to someone. How do I get what I want? I’m just honest, and I am, what I am. I don’t play any games! I tell someone what I have to offer at this point in time… so if they can handle it, stick around baby!
RT: What are things that men do, that turns you off?
JD:Physically I like tall well groomed men. So, fat little shorties or someone who doesn’t show pride in themselves is so out of the question - a huge turnoff. When they try to impress me or to buy me it’s the worst thing. Especially in Cape Town, you will get some old dodgy dude who drives a Ferrari and he will think that he can just sweep you off your feet, that is the biggest turn off at the moment. Another turn off is when a guy speaks badly of women, even his ex-girlfriend. And of course when a guy is with me and he checks out other chicks, I cannot handle that.
RT: But surely you can’t blame him in a public place?
JD: But then his focus is not on me, which means: why should I be giving you this much attention if you can’t offer me the same respect. It is all a respect issue!
RT: Do you believe that opposites attract and why?
JD: Yes! I believe opposites attract (and not because of the Paula Abdul song…), but I just believe when you are looking for a partner you are attracted to the things that that other people have, that maybe you don’t have. So if I maybe don’t have patients, I will be turned on by someone who has patience and that inner calm. I really do think you go for people who have aspects that you don’t have in your own personality, another example I can give is, if you are a struggling musician you will obviously be attracted to someone who has got a little more status, maybe a little bit more drive and of course a bit more of a career going for him/her.
RT: Do you believe in love at first sight?
JD:Yes. Absolutely!!! That instant chemical attraction, that is obviously the physical attraction that is helping the love along, but think about it, it is so difficult to meet someone that you connect with on every level. So I think that when you do, and you know it, I think yes it can develop into love and I think strong emotions can stem from that….
RT: Have you experienced love at first sight?
JD: Yes my first love! That was most definitely love at first sight and it lasted for 3 and a half years, we were totally in love!
RT: Do guys treat you differently when you’re alone vs. when you’re with your girlfriends?
JD: Yes they definitely do. I think men try and impress you more when you are with a group of people, I think it must be quite intimidating for a man to approach a woman when she is with a group of people.
RT: So you are better off when you are in a group of people?
JD: No! I think you get to see a sincerer part of that person when you are alone, well being in the nature of work that I am in, I think men are very intimidated initially, and I think they feel that they need to come across in a certain way to almost compete. South Africa is still quite a conservative country, and I think people still see woman as the woman in the kitchen, bare-foot and pregnant and not really being the bread winner! And I can understand where men are coming from if their girlfriends earn more than them, I think that is a huge set back for a man, and I can imagine him to get quite scared, you are affecting his ego and pride.
RT: Are you concerned by that?
JD: No I don’t care, that’s not what it is about. We live in a society where yes those things are important, but personally no! I wouldn’t want to be the someone who wants to be the house-wife, or have the house-husband. I wouldn’t want to support someone but it is not about how much money he has, but I think about being with someone who has a dream and who has a mission, and has a passion towards what he is doing. But then he can earn 10 million rand or 10 rand a month, it makes no difference as long as he has that inner drive.
RT: What do you and your girlfriends discuss about relationships?
JD: My closest girlfriend is also a very successful career woman, so at the moment our only topic of conversation is about how men are so scared off by us…
RT: Do you think the feminist revolution has changed things?
JD: I can’t handle feminism! I think feminists ruined it for real ladies!!! I don’t want to be on the same level as a man, I don’t want to sink that low. But I believe in Chivalry, as much as I want to be successful in my career, I do want to get married one day and I do want to have children, and I don’t want to work when I have those children. So I do want to stay at home as long as they are babies, and then when they go off, I can do my own thing again. But really feminists just ruined it! Because now men are more worried - do I open the door for this woman or will she turn around and scream at me? We are not allowing a man to be chivalrist, you are not allowing him to be a gentleman which is what he actually should be. People have turned our world into something that’s easier to be slugged than it is to make a good effort, good values, good morals or good old fashioned ideas, and if people had to put those into practice, I think they would be a lot happier in their relationships. We wouldn’t have as many divorces as we do now, we wouldn’t have such a high AIDS rate because people wouldn’t need to sleep with every Tom, Dick and Harry to feel full.
RT: On the marriage aspect of it, how do you see it, can one still maintain an interesting fun, loving relationship once married? Or is it really the be-all and end- all of love?
JD: I think people put too much emphasis on the marriage, I mean what is the difference whether you live with your boyfriend or if you are married to him? Nothing! It is a contract you have with the government basically, or with the church, or however you got married. It’s just a piece of paper really, and the same ideas and spark that was there in the beginning should still be there. If you decide you want to spend the rest of your life with this person, it doesn’t mean okay well now that I am married I can stop having sex with him! It just means you have got to build on what you originally started off with. Otherwise what is the point, then you are only with someone until you find better.
RT: Do you have any suggestions for women on how to be sexy, interesting, and beautiful and to get what they want from a relationship?
JD: You know what, a woman can be the ugliest frump in the whole world, but if she has confidence, and she thinks that this fat ass of hers is so sexy she is going to come across as being sexy - it’s all in the attitude!!! You can also get the hottest girl in the world, and she can be the most insecure and miserable thing but she can be gorgeous! She is however not going to be considered sexy because she is biting her nails; she is not coming across with a good attitude or a good karma.
RT: What do you think of the things that woman do wrong when it comes to relationships?
JD: With my experience most recently, woman must never try and think how men think, (on the same token, men must never try and get into the mind of a woman) because what happens in that instance is women get very scared and intimidated! Instead of just treating the person that they are on a date with as a friend, they are just putting too much pressure on, and thinking oh my goodness what now… and basically, what girls end up doing is they sleep with guys too quickly! They also start hounding them with sms’s; they fall in love way too quickly, instead of just letting it grow naturally. They think okay I am only going to get this guy, or he is only going to stay with me if I sleep with him. And yet the opposite happens, a guy is going to get totally turned off, because yes a man will try and sleep with you on the first date, he doesn’t necessarily want you to reciprocate, and chances are if you don’t sleep with him on the first date he will phone you in the morning, and want to see you again. If you do give in, then things are going to get awkward!
RT: What suggestions do you have for guys, in terms of approaching women?
JD: I think guys should start respecting women a lot more, I mean I am generalising - your average guy is out in the club looking for a hot girlfriend, it’s not going to happen! And it comes down to not only lack of respect for women, but also comes down to lack of self respect!
RT: What is your idea of a perfect date?
JD: Honestly, I think there is also too much emphasis placed on that that can almost make someone so nervous, that you are not going to enjoy yourself.
RT: Okay let me rephrase that, what are fun things to do on a date?
JD: Well summer in Cape Town is the most romantic place and town in the world, because you can simply go and get yourself a take-away pizza, nice bottle of wine, two gorgeous little wine glasses and go to the beach, and watch the sunset - it’s absolutely picturesque and everything is there! The mood, the scenery and the aesthetic surroundings. Definitely would be my favourite thing to do on a date. Otherwise something that is totally unexpected, I think the element of surprise is always keen on a date. So if you could totally do something to a girl that she is not expecting and totally sweep her off her feet, she is going to fall in love!! The element of surprise is just priceless and a beautiful memory!
Jeannie D has left Goodhope FM and now works on Top Billing full time.
Access her profile on Top Billing here.
Popularity: 12% [?]
July 16th, 2004 — Interviews, Online dating
This interview was the very first interview when I started my research into Online Dating in South Africa…
RT:What kinds of people do Online Dating?
AT: There are two sets of people that are going to be using online dating:
RT: What is the typical profile of a person who tries Online Dating?
AT: In terms of age the profile most likely is that: When a younger person does not take dating that seriously; there are more options available; trying different things and there are a lot more opportunities to explore other relationships.
As you get older, metaphorically and physically the clock starts to tick. There is a lot more pressure, in a social sense pressure from parents to get married, to have children and to make them grandparents and a biological sense as you get older, chances of complications during childbirth increases as well as genetic conditions that might arise- this is in terms of breeding. When older one has less life left. We will not live forever. As you get older there is less time to spend with the love of your life, the sooner you meet the love of your life the longer you are able to spend with them. Social, biological and psychological pressures are not necessarily distinct from one another; they can be related to one another. As people get older they start to take dating more seriously, as a result they will take online dating more seriously. They will try several things at the same time, from anecdotal evidence friends that have tried online dating at the same time tried speed dating using social networks, religious activities, social activities, cruising (going on cruises) tried a number of different things.
RT: What kind of stigma do you think is attached to Online Dating?
AT: Online is not seen in the same light, we evolved over 300 000 years in social structures of social contact, tribal, brotherhood and racial affinities. Human beings have evolved; online dating is one of them. Contact such as body language, face-to-face interaction and eye contact is important, that is why we are struggling with the digital age. One part of the issue is communication bandwidth; when online, there is less communication bandwidth than face-to-face interaction. You have physical contact, verbal, face to face and tone contact and a broader span of immediate feedback. The online environment uses one communication medium of text photo graphics - sending 1-3 messages a month and it takes five minutes to type out a message.
RT: How does Love at first sight fit in?
AT: Research in general has shown love at first sight happens to very few people. Most lasting relationships share something in common. Hosting a profile means sharing a profile; you are looking for someone to connect with. When online you meet people through common ground, for example educational institutions, sharing a common faith means you share that with them. The thing about love at first sight is that it is purely physical, they may look drop dead gorgeous but when you actually speak to them they have a squeaky voice which is not what you are looking for.
RT: What are the benefits of Online Dating over traditional dating?
AT: Online dating allows you to meet people in a safe environment; you cannot catch STDs or HIV/AIDS through sending a message. Sending an email does not necessarily mean that you are jumping into bed with a person. From that perspective you can sound somebody out in a relatively sober environment. There is no risk of outright rejection. You can send 2-3 messages at the same time to different people and they will not know you are flirting with someone else, you tend to be more honest, and there is no point in lying because you will be matched up with the wrong person. Opposites do not really attract, you cannot be matched with an opposite. We are approaching a more mature side of online dating; we are taking it more seriously.
RT: Does online dating make you do things quicker and faster?
AT: Within two months you will have a date, but how many of them will lead to a more meaningful relationship? There is a danger in assuming that we do things quicker and faster. It all purely depends on your technical sophistication. Online dating allows us to do it outside of normal times, you can get online at three o’clock in the morning, and it widens your scope. If you want to carry on a meaningful relationship you must make time for it. Our environment it seems has accelerated. We have to ask ourselves is the lifestyle we are living conducive to have a meaningful relationship?
RT: What is the risk of people being harassed?
AT: The main danger is the situation of minors, if you are an adult there are certain rules you should follow but not everyone does. People can manipulate the situation particularly with vulnerable groups (people with low self esteem or unstable people). Online is safer because the majority of rapes are perpetrated by people we know. Whatever message you send is electronically recorded so if you divulge personal information it is on record for people to go back to. In an online environment, you are more likely to be sober not only not taking drugs and alcohol as you might if you were at a party but also psychologically as well.
RT: Do you think the experience of online dating allows you to get to know yourself better?
AT: There is a lot of different ways in which we get to know ourselves better, being honest with ourselves, having therapy and being spiritual is some ways. As we get older we have to look at ourselves, if you do not look at yourself retrospectively it will not help us know ourselves better. If you get positive feedback it might encourage you to be more open.
Popularity: 8% [?]
