A long time ago I read a book by the Indian mystic Osho: Love, Freedom & Aloneness. This is one of those rare gems that explains and perhaps introduces you to the authentic love that is sorely missing from life. The taboo that is sex, the misunderstandings about love, and the freedom you never have when you try to posses or control the others in your relationships. Give it all up and you may find the difference between loneliness and aloneness.
There is a story in the book that is profound for me: A man and woman meet and fall in love. The woman is wealth and owns a great land through inheritance. The man wants to marry her. She says on one condition: You must love on the other side of the land where I will build you your own house. And if we meet in at the lake maybe I will invite you over or you can invite me over. And if we meet in the field maybe I will talk to you and you will talk to me. The man thought about this and decided he cannot marry the woman under these conditions
Anyway I’m paraphrasing the story as I cannot find the exact page on the book right now. There was something that struck a cord with me and whenever I have tried to explain this to women I’m dating they rarely get it. There is so much brainwashing I can see in the world when it comes to relationships and dating. How needy the man or the woman has become. And what is left? Almost nothing. An emptiness that is more a heavy burden than the elusive lightness of love.
Anyway here’s a short video with Osho talking about Love and Hate: Two sides of the same coin:
Ever heard of the Weapons of Influence? This is from an excellent book by Dr Robert Cialdini that every person should read at least once in their life. I have read this one 3 times so far.
Cialdini defines six “weapons of influence”:
Reciprocity - People tend to return a favour. Thus, the pervasiveness of free samples in marketing. In his conferences, he often uses the example of Ethiopia providing thousands of dollars in humanitarian aid to Mexico just after the 1985 earthquake, despite Ethiopia suffering from a crippling famine and civil war at the time. Ethiopia had been reciprocating for the diplomatic support Mexico provided when Italy invaded Ethiopia in 1937. On a personal note if you invite people to a party at your house, you’re much more likely to get an invitation to a party at their house.
Commitment and Consistency - If people commit, verbally or in writing, to an idea or goal, they are more likely to honor that commitment. Even if the original incentive or motivation is removed after they have already agreed, they will continue to honor the agreement. For example, in car sales, suddenly raising the price at the last moment works because the buyer has already decided to buy.
Social Proof - People will do things that they see other people are doing. For example, in one experiment, one or more confederates would look up into the sky; bystanders would then look up into the sky to see what they were seeing. At one point this experiment aborted, as so many people were looking up that they stopped traffic. See conformity, and the Asch conformity experiments.
Authority - People will tend to obey authority figures, even if they are asked to perform objectionable acts. Cialdini cites incidents, such as the Milgram experiments in the early 1960s and the My Lai massacre.
Liking - People are easily persuaded by other people that they like. Cialdini cites the marketing of Tupperware in what might now be called viral marketing. People were more likely to buy if they liked the person selling it to them. Some of the many biases favoring more attractive people are discussed. Social proof is a specific way to create the impression that you are popular or liked by people. Sometimes I see rich old men, with young hot young women and I realise one of the unconscious reasons for this is they both gain influence.
Scarcity - Perceived scarcity will generate demand. For example, saying offers are available for a “limited time only” encourages sales.
Robert Cialdini’s produces a monthly newsletter through his website, Influence at Work.
Anyway I wanted to share this with you because it’s one of my secret weapons these days. I do not go sarging any more. That’s way to much work. Instead befriend high quality women (i.e. women YOU are attracted to personally) to gain access to THEIR social circles. And through this mechanism you can create more and more social proof. So if you have a hot female friends make sure that you are seen with them when you are out. But do not cling to them. Instead leave them whenever you see an attractive woman. Go over to that other woman, strike up a conversation and later go back to your female friend. In many cases, my female friends have pre-sold me to a new woman I have just met.
David DeAngelo makes a very good case for this in his Mastery Program. And if you are on Facebook - USE IT - these hot women are advertising themselves. Go to the events that are continuously posted on Facebook and take advantage of the situation.
This book is a must read for any man living in the world today. And for any mother who wants to know what to do with her son, most especially if she is raising him as a single mother. This strikes a real cord with me because I grew up with a single mother ? and I lacked a strong male role model for most of my teenager years. And the result? A lot of confusion, a lot of self-doubt and this with a combination of other factors led directly to a nervous breakdown when I hit 25. You could say that I was never prepared to deal with the harsh reality of the adult world or you could say that I was to immature and the pace of my life was so fast I could not acclimatise quickly enough.
Yes, I have a father and we have not been close for most of my of my life especially after he remarried. Now his 2nd wide has passed away 8 years ago and my half-brother is almost 21. There is a divide that is deep and sometimes painful. And since I grew up with my mother I have a much closer relationship to her and my 19 year old half-sister. How have I dealt with this in the past? With anger, with frustration for being deprived from growing up in a ?normal? family unit. This led to more self-loathing then anything else so I turned outward to find my own role models, especially masculine, in the great books of history. I studied the classics from the West and the East. And I eventually reached a point where the simplest advice turned out to best for me: accept everything as it is. Thank God I never spent years of therapy trying to figure this out, which in retrospect seems like the kind of common sense my mother always claimed I didn’t have when I was a teenager.
Anyway Iron John is a mythical story of a boy’s journey with the Wild Man and his separation from his mother and his father. The basic element that we find missing in the modern world is that of male initiation. Now living in South Africa I know all about male initiation, especially among the Xhosa people. There has been growing resistance from the government to close down these initiation schools because of the lack of medical expertise where the boys end up suffering injuries. Could it be that more and more of the ancient knowledge or know-how of how to best conduct these rituals have been lost? I think we have reached a critical point, post the feminism revolution, the decline of fatherhood, and the rise of single parent (mother) families, which causes a severe imbalance in the male/female polarity that is needed. When the Yin/Yang balance is distorted to this extent we find that weak men are all that’s left.
There is so many analogies from this book, which has been brought to my attention via other sources, most notably the seduction community, because is an attempt to restore the balance. How many times have you observed in a Hollywood film, a sitcom, or a cartoon the idiot man with his intelligent wife/girlfriend who point him in the right direction. How many times have you met men, who are unable to articulate themselves, who do not live with a passion or a purpose. They become like zombies living lives of quit desperation. How can the modern man meet the wild man inside him? He can push himself to do something of extraordinary courage and learn from it. Maybe climb Kilimanjaro or run the Comrades or stop denying your father, your masculine, because you need to draw from there the energy that can sustain you through your life. This book is an excellent big picture of the current problem men are facing and for specific help on how to overcome these problems I highly recommend The Way Of The Superior Man: A Spiritual Guide to Mastering the Challenges of Woman, Work, and Sexual Desire
Review of Men Are Clams, Woman Are Crowbars by Dr David Clarke, Ph.D.
When I picked up this book I wanted to learn more about these differences between men and women that I find fascinating in a never ending sort of way. And the analogy works well in the book explaining how men and women communicate and deal with stress in their relationships. What I did not expect was the typical “holier than though” attitude so typical of conservative Christian writers. And this spoils a book with some good practical advice. Overall this book must be aimed at a very small market of people and because of the bias of the author may be unappealing to everyone else. The last thing you want in a self-help book is a preaching tone.
As Dr John Demartini says, the moment you become infatuated with a person or subject yourself to an authority figure e.g. The Pope or Jesus Christ you import their values onto your own and this becomes a miserable failure.
The other disappointing thing about this book is that it almost exclusively focussed on couples in a marriage. And I don’t know if this Christian psychologist, as David Clarke, calls himself, lives in the real world. Expecting people to stay married, forever and ever. Dynamics in the world has changed, so there are a lot more unmarried people then ever before. People who could be married, but don’t for very valid and practical reasons. I also agree with the views of the radical American talk radio DJ, Tom Leykis, there is no benefit for a man, as it stands legally getting married. If you are curious just do a search for “Leykis 101” and you will get an education in manhood you may have missed out on.
This book is written mostly for women, and offers very little help for men. And I suppose that’s always been the target market of the author. Even as a man, I really do not appreciate his tone, talking down, toward men. So this author is what they call pussy whipped.
Her writing style is really sharp, crystal clear, to the point, no B.S. that I wish more self-help authors would embrace. Don’t go around the long (wrong) way when you can cut through the forest and get to the other side quicker, and with more learning.
The first chapter, Irresistibility 101, reads like sage advice from the Tao Te Ching. Most adults, men and women, seem to loose the child-like-ness when we grow up. And being like a child is sometimes irresistible. Just think about how some children can just get what they want, or how they can get out of trouble by being cute, cuddly and of course irresistible. There is a lesson here to be learned. Let go and be in the now is the sage advice also found in Eckhart Tolle’s The Power of Now.
One thing I like about Marie is how direct she is in her advice. And one thing I’ve heard her say in a previous interview and I fully agree with, and emphasise in my own discussions of relationships is this: You are likely operating on false information. For me one of the greatest sources of dating/relationship problems stems from divorced parents. In my own situation my mother and father divorced when I was maybe two years old. My dad remarried and my mother had a long term relationship. My dad’s 2nd wife passed away and his been alone since; while my mother’s long term relationship ended when she got pregnant with my sister. After years of frustration I just realised these two are NOT good role models for how to create and maintain, sustain a healthy, loving and fun long term relationship with a woman.
The “Time-Tested Truths” from Chapter 3 almost read like the Four Noble Truths in Buddhism. Just kidding they are solid and I’m listing them here to let them speak for themselves:
A Relationship Will Not Save You
Relationships Are Spiritual Opportunities, Not a Needs Exchange
Life Is Now: This Is It!
Men Are As-Is Merchandise or Love ‘Em or Leave ‘Em, Baby!
If You Want Guarantees In Love, You Don’t Want Love
In the next chapter one of the most honest, and funniest lines I’ve ever read in a book like this, and said by a woman: “Here’s a tip: If you think you look fat in a particular outfit, you probably do. This whole chapter is the perfect blue print for a woman to know what NOT to do. And Marie’s chapter titles are as spunky and funny as the book title.
All in all there are plenty of gems in this book. And will become my bible for advice to the female species So many books go on and on without getting to the point. Marie just knows how to make the point with enough irresistibility you can’t put this book down once you start reading it. I have female friend, Leonora or Leo for short who does all these things without knowing it. She is a magnet for irresistible attention from men. And has some amazing girlfriends. So unlike those really attractive women who are hated by others, Leo is able to project her irresistible nature to the world. And therefore draws constant attention which she directs which ever way suits her best. And the outcome or result? Well happiness or rather inner joy. Because I learned a while ago that happiness is what you expect other people to “give” you but joy is what you have inside. And nobody can take that away from you.
I’ve been studying various books over the last 6 months in order to find the secret of success and wealth. My search originally began by identifying the historically revered books such as:
Of these I found Napoleon Hill’s philosophy is the most practical because it gives very specific step by step instructions. I went as far as downloading an audio interview with Napoleon Hill by American motivational speaker, Anthony Robbins. I’ve given copies of this audio interview to several people and I can only hope they will find as much benefit from it as I have. The key to success is to know what you want to achieve, and the incrementally do the necessary steps to achieve the goals. Becoming the best God intended you to be.
Think and Grow Rich! is a motivational book. Written by Napoleon Hill and inspired by Andrew Carnegie, it was published in 1937 at the end of the Great Depression. In 1960, Hill published an abridged version of the book, which for years was the only one generally available. In 2004, Ross Cornwell published Think and Grow Rich!: The Original Version, Restored and Revised, which restored the book to its original content, with slight revisions, and added the first comprehensive endnotes, index, and appendix the book had ever contained.
The text of Think and Grow Rich! is founded on Hill’s earlier work, The Law of Success, the result of more than twenty years of research based on Hill’s close association with a large number of individuals who achieved great wealth during their lifetimes.
At Carnegie’s bidding, Hill studied the characteristics of these achievers and developed fifteen “laws” intended to be applied by anybody to achieve success. Think and Grow Rich! itself condenses these laws further and provides the reader with 13 principles in the form of a philosophy of personal achievement.
Reflected in these principles is the importance of cultivating a burning desire, faith, autosuggestion and persistence in the attainment of one’s goals. Hill also discusses the importance of overcoming many of the common fears that can adversely affect one’s thinking and potential.
In his introduction, Hill refers to the “Carnegie Secret“, a conception which he reports is the foundation of all success and appears to be the premise of the book. Hill promises to indirectly describe this “secret” in every chapter, but never state it plainly, believing the use of the secret is only available to those who possess a “readiness” for it, a disposition Hill describes as essential to the concept itself.
So many books go on and on without getting to the point. Marie just knows how to make the point with enough irresistibility you can’t put this book down once you start reading it. I have female friend, Leonora or Leo for short who does all these things without knowing it. She is a magnet for irresistible attention from men. And has some amazing girlfriends. So unlike those really attractive women who are hated by others, Leo is able to project her irresistible nature to the world. And therefore draws constant attention which she directs which ever way suits her best. And the outcome or result? Well happiness or rather inner joy. Because I learned a while ago that happiness is what you expect other people to “give” you but joy is what you have inside. And nobody can take that away from you.
