Recently I was out at the Mall of Rosebank and I was doing some shopping. My approach skills have been slack because in 2007 I was in two long term relationships. So I’ve been going out more often to brush up on my pickup skills. One of my strategies has always been to go to clothing stores and find a sexy girl to help me decide what clothes to purchase.

Sometimes there just isn’t any attractive women or more specifically the women who are working in the retail stores are just plain average. But if you look around you’ll find the niche locations where the hotties be found. So I was in Truworths and headed over to the cosmetic section. You’ll notice in the cosmetic section there can be either female clients or female employees. I noticed a tall, sexy girl who was dangling over the checkout counter and called her over. Another less attractive woman had approached me to help me and I sent her packing and chose the HB.I flirted with her from the get go. And I also touched her, getting her to touch me back as I sampled the new Light Blue Dolce&Gabanna. Asking her the following line, I learned from Ross Jeffries, was the clincher, “Have you ever met a guy in a place like this you thought was just fascinating?” And she responded, yes. What this question does is allows her mind to go back into her memory and begin to think of what meeting a fascinating guy feels like. I then touched her wrist to anchor that feeling to myself. This was a little judo trick to create instant attraction with a woman you’ve just met.

Now just before I left I said to her, “I’m hosting an Anti-Valentine’s day party on 14 Feb and I’d love you to join me…” next I wrote down my name and cellphone number and left it with her. I didn’t even say goodbye and just left. About 15 mins later I was still walking around other parts of Rosebank, Johannesburg, and received a call on my cell. Answer in high spirits it turned out to be this woman, from Truworths, just letting me know this is her number and that I should have an awesome day.

So in summary what I did was I linked the feeling of fascination in her mind to me, and I then proceed to ask her out to join me at a party. We’ve spoken since and she’s keen to meet before the Anti-Valentine’s Day party. The key thing to remember about asking woman out is NOT to drag it out. Forget getting her phone number and calling later. Suggest meeting immediately (going for a drink) or later the same day and leave your cellphone number with her. You cut to the chase when she calls because its undeniable interest. We’re all very, very busy these days so there’s no time to waste and drag out the dating process.

Popularity: 69% [?]

Before you can even begin to think about how to improve your dating, relationships and social life I ask you answer the following question as truthfully as you can:

On a scale from 1 to 10…how much do you like or love yourself?

If this number is less than 5 we have a serious problem. I mean, think about it, if you don’t like yourself, how can you expect someone else to like you? One of the biggest myths in relationships is that when I find a new girlfriend, boyfriend, a partner or soul mate they will complete me.

I suggest you consider the following concept: how much other people like or love you is directly proportional to how much you like or love yourself. And if you can imagine being a cup that overflows with love, than you have more to share with other people. If you are empty inside and you don’t enjoy your life, you do not have much to share. In fact you will be in ?wanting mode? because you do not understand how by giving you can receive pleasure. And ultimately your vitality in life is also directly proportional to your vision, which links back to your experience.

Have you ever wondered why most people are just talking about work? It’s simply because they do not make time for anything else. I promise you that nobody when they are growing up dreams of work, work and more work. You may dream of meeting interesting people, travelling the world, or achieving different kinds of personal successes. There is a common misconception that we are searching for meaning in our lives. The great philosopher, Joseph Campbell, the expert on myth, said, meaning is an intellectual construct, it’s in our heads. Instead what we are truly seeking is the feeling of being alive.

This is one of the fundamental reasons there has been such a dramatic rise in the drug abuse culture alongside the rise of television. Television must be the worst invention in the history of humankind when it comes to what makes people feel lonely. You see it entertains you and at the same time it programs you into complacency. And this is very, very real indeed. I highly recommend you read the articles on the Steve Pavlina’s blog about Giving Up TV.

Now I’ve met some people who swear that they are happy being single. They often insist that they are not looking and they are not desperate. And I’ve noticed a slight frustration in their voices or their body language. They are not convincing to me. You see there’s absolutely nothing wrong when it comes to looking for love. Imagine if you lost your job or quit your job…how long would it take for you to start looking for a new one? Almost immediately and you would speak to whomever it takes to help you find a job. You would be open to it. And so I encourage you to open to a increased social life. The reason is simple. Scientist have found that the people who most frequently refer us to new jobs or introduce us to potential dating partners or spouses, is NOT our best friends or family. As it turns out it’s weak social connections or as they are more commonly known, our acquaintances. So the theory goes, the larger the number of weak social connections you have, the more your increase your chances of social interaction that leads you to finding and meeting the kind of people you ideally want to meet. This goes hand-in-hand with increased confidence in social scenarios.

You see the single life is really not the ideal life style. It stinks of loneliness and desperation. I refuse to tell people I’m single. Instead I refer to myself as simple unmarried. And yes, I’m still looking for love.

Popularity: 14% [?]

The Professor of Poon, Tom Leykis, brought this article to my attention from a recent show. The author of the article starts out by saying how the deal was sealed when she went on a date and at the end of the dinner, her future husband, didn’t hesitate to pay for the dinner. The author even calls herself a hypocrite because she is a feminist and she is still getting her way with her man. Isn’t feminism supposed to be about equality? Without rehashing the whole story I would like to point how you can indeed get away without paying for the first date.

Try some of the following suggestions if you don’t want to pay for the 1st “date”…

• Don’t call it a date - just hang out
• Invite women over to your house to enjoy a bottle of wine
• Meet them at the flea market and go looking for a hard to find gift
• Meet them at a park/lake/beach and go for a walk
• Take them to the opening of an art gallery (usually free with champagne/snacks)

You can get more ideas for cheap dates here. Let me elaborate further. Paying has nothing to do with getting laid. And all women know guys are just trying to get laid. In fact it’s in our evolutionary biology that we cannot fall in love with a women, want friendship/companionship or bonding unless we are physically attracted to you - and that also means - want to have sex with you. An old friend of mine always says women give men sex in exchange for love; and men give women love in exchange for sex. Sometimes reality is harsh but it’s still reality.

Popularity: 21% [?]

Tom Leykis, one of my favourite radio DJs, whom I listen to online, brought this story from Hitched Mag to my attention. Now it originally reads 20 Dates For Under $20 but since I live in South Africa I’ve adapted it to a realistic R100. Just by the way I highly recommend the movie 20 Dates for how NOT to go about dating women.

1. Find the best happy hour in town: Look through your local newspaper or search online for websites that list happy hour prices for local restaurants and bars. Most places offer food and drink specials at half the normal price, allowing you to get two drinks and share an appetizer for less than R100.
2. Go to a museum: Most museums are free or offer free entry on certain days of the month. I also highly recommend art galleries.
3. Visit your local zoo: Most zoos offer adult tickets for less than R50. Pack your own snacks and bottled water and have a mini picnic by your favourite exhibit. Joburg Zoo offers annual passes for R220.
4. Go on a romantic hike: Bring a backpack and surprise your partner with your favourite bottle of cheap champagne, strawberries and plastic champagne flutes. The Suikerbosrand Nature Reserve, south of Johannesburg entrance fee is only R20 per person.
5. Go swimming at your local pool, lake or the beach: Bring some water toys and have more fun than the kids. This is a great suggestion because so few people seem to go to swimming pools any more.
6. Beat the heat with an ice cream date: Take two scoops to the park or take a walk downtown and go people watching.
7. Get an Edgars Card to Pay Half Price @ Movies: South Africa doesn’t have a lot of choice in cinemas unlike America. Pick a rainy day and have a movie marathon.
8. Take a downtown walking tour of your town or nearest city: You?ll have fun discovering things and places you never knew existed. You can also pick up a free visitors guide for ideas. I once took an ex-girlfriend from Cape Town to Hillbrow at 2am to get some Nandos.
9. Throw a cheap picnic: Go on a picnic at the beach, mountains or in your own back yard. Grab a blanket, pack a deli sandwich and a bottle of R20 wine (Douglas Green St Clare, St Anna, St Vincent or St Morand).
10. Take a blanket to the beach: Split your budget between a bottle of wine and cheese then enjoy the sunset while you snuggle on the blanket.
11. Take a stroll through the botanical gardens: Spend the day walking through rose gardens and tropical rain forests hand in hand for less than R100 a ticket. Joburg Botanical Gardens by Emmerentia Dam is free and I’ve been there many times. Start from the bottom of the Rose garden and walk up, stop after each section, sit down, enjoy the view and kiss your girlfriend. Also try National Zoological Garden in Pretoria and Kirstenbosch in Cape Town.
12. Be a kid again: Go bowling, play miniature golf (putt putt), ride go-carts or play laser tag.
13. Build a bonfire: All you need is some firewood, snacks and a drink of your choice. This is also a great opportunity for roasted marshmallows.
14. Rent something: Go roller- or ice-skating, or rent a two-seater bike and ride through the park. Cape Town ice rink here and in Joburg go to Northgate.
15. Paint pottery together: Lots of studios let you get creative for around R25 an hour. Go here for ceramic, pottery and fabric painting information.
16. Pitch a tent: Park fees are usually between R30-R60, which leaves money for food and wood. Go camping and roast hot dogs as you gaze at the stars.
17. Go wine tasting: Many wineries charge around R15-R30 for a tasting?plus, you?ll get to keep the glass as a souvenir of your date.
18. Take a scenic drive: Pull over to have coffee and dessert at a nice caf?. In Johannesburg and Cape Town there are several locations with stunning views of the city below. You can find them on your own or just email me for the directions.
19. Spend the night walking through the shops and enjoying the local artists: Lots of cities have art walks one night a month during the summer. Most galleries even offer a free glass of wine to art-walk goers in order to attract them.
20. Rack ?em up at you local pool joint: With pool games costing R2 at certain venues, you might even have money left over to share a pitcher of beer.

Any more suggestions?

Popularity: 28% [?]

Professionals often don’t have a lot of time to socialise. In brief, simple terms, what practical examples of how they can make the most of the time they do you have when trying to secure phone numbers or a date.

You must including online dating in your arsenal simply because it gives you access to hundreds of thousands of single women. And once you’ve set-up your profile, the part that requires most of the work, it’s low maintenance and initiating contact is easy and convenient (Sundays is best to send first emails). Social networking websites like MySpace and Facebook are also excellent free alternatives. The other important thing to do is to ensure that you always dress for success every single time you go out. So for example when you go grocery shopping this can be a very good way to meet new women. And instead of going to your local SPAR go the the Woolworths because you will find higher quality women shopping there - they also have excellent coffee shops, which is very popular among certain groups of women. When you are out for a drink with your buddies you must take some time out to approach women and this maximises your time. In fact you need to take every opportunity of leaving your house or your office to strike up conversations with women.

What are you favourite openers for starting conversations with women?

• Ask a women an opinion about something in the environment to make it more natural
• Comment on an item she is wearing that is unique or unusual
• Comment on something happening close by loud enough for her to hear

Popularity: 24% [?]

This morning I was a guest for the first time on CNBC Africa, a new 24 hour business and finance channel for African business. It’s broadcast on channel 54 on DStv. Anyway the interview was short but to prepare I answered several questions for the producer of the Business AM show hosted by Peter Ndoro and Leigh Roberts.

It really comes down the fact that brokers like most people in the knowledge economy almost exclusively focus on left brain thinking and activities. This is where logical thinking and problem solving skills come together. And what makes one broker better then the next. Now when it comes to meeting and interacting with women the opposite of logical thinking applies. For example when you meet an attractive women the last thing you want to do is giver her a compliment on her physical appearance ? this is the logical thing to do but it’s wrong! Instead what you should do is tease her about something, which will immediately differentiate you from the 99% of men who have approached her on any given day.

Popularity: 15% [?]

On Tuesday I went to the traffic department to pick-up my new drivers license. As fellow South Africans will know - this is a nightmare. The whole system is so messed up because of computer glitches and government bureaucracies and bungling…’nuff said.

Anyway while waiting in the queue I see this woman reading a Danielle Steel book. So as I walked in I immediately made a loud comment about the two guys on either side of her being losers for not talking to her. In fact I pointed to her and said “How rude! Do you guys realise she’s telling you how boring you are and her book is more interesting then whatever you have to say?”

She hit back that they had been stuck in traffic department for two days. They were there the previous day and the systems went down so they came back. Now the great Chinese sage, Lao Tzu, once said those who justify do not convince. And here she was - I hardly know her - and she is defending herself. If she did not care she would continue to read. First IOI - indicator of interest - and she asked me a question - next IOI. My name was called and picked up my drivers license card. I returned to her, asked for her cellphone, called myself and asked her name as a I left - remarking that somebody up there likes me.

So there was some warm-up conversation. Always teasing and never letting on. From the moment I sat down, asked for her phone, called my own number and returned her phone asking for her name > less than 2 mins! This has been one of my favourite ways of getting a woman’s phone number.

The next article will be reposted from David DeAngelo and his technique on email addresses and phone numbers. I’ve tried it and it causes to much of a delay so go directly for the phone number.

Popularity: 16% [?]

Men often give women a hard time because they are desperate and have the vain hope, the women will give them sex, if not today maybe tomorrow. In fact that wording in itself is a problem because men that think this way put themselves down, while putting women on pedestals. What I mean is that these men think they have no choice in what women they have sex with. It’s a constant pursuit and it’s also scarcity mentality.

A rule that I’ve seen mentioned by a few different people like Tom Leykis and other teachers in the seduction community is the three strikes and you’re out rule. This rule comes from Baseball, where after three pitches, and no hit, you’re automatically out and have to leave the playing field. So I have realised this is a very good attitude for men to have. It saves time and creates a very clear boundary for what you are willing to accept and not. In my last post I wrote about a woman who called me and casually mentioned being tired and how I dealt with her.

Let me share some more about her with you to demonstrate the games and bullshit we guys have to put up with. When I first met her at Moloko, she danced with me and grinded her ass on me and all the sexually suggestive moves you normally see in hip-hop music videos. She came over to my place last Friday night. And to make a long story short we never had sex because she mentioned it was that time of the month, etc. On Saturday night I had a big Spring party (photos coming soon) and she came over earlier and along with my friend Aretha. I appreciate this kind of willingness from anyone to help out.

What I do not expect is disrespect at any stage of a relationship. After some people started arriving she practically avoided me. And especially after my friend Berker, who looks like a male model, arrived she spent the rest of the evening almost glued to him. And some other people at my party made this same observation to me. And some of them actually believing she was with him, and not me. No I have to state clearly she was not with me and I have no problem with her talking to anyone because we are not in any sort of relationship, open or exclusive.

She, Aretha and Berker left for Moloko and I joined them later with another woman from my party. And strange things were abound. Firstly Berker took me to dance a few meters away from all the women. And he tried to fix me up with some other random woman, not to bad looking, dancing next to us. He left to rejoin the women from my party. And eventually we left early because she got some cramps (that time of the month). The next day she sends me a text message apologising for being such an ass hole, dancing with my good friend Berker the whole night, and she only did it because I act indifferent when other people are around and only seem to like her when we’re alone.

I learned the hard way not to become to possessive to early on. So when I meet a woman I will give her a lot of attention when I’m alone with her because I’m creating attraction and building rapport. And so when I’m in a public place or crowd I will never, ever place any demands on the woman. In fact I learnt from David DeAngelo to encourage independence in people actually brings them back to you because it shows very clearly you’re not needy and you have high self-esteem. So this was the third strike for me and she’s out…NEXT!

Popularity: 8% [?]