Toastmasters Speech: 50 Shades of Love

There are only four questions of value in life, Don Octavio. What is sacred? Of what is the spirit made? What is worth living for, and what is worth dying for? The answer to each is the same: only love.” Don Juan Demarco
Good evening Madam Toastmaster, fellow Toastmasters, Ladies and Gentleman
Who here has ever been in love? Ah yes, I see most of you…
The greatest joy you can possibly experience is falling in love. I’m sure you would all agree unless you were single on Valentine’s Day šŸ˜‰ This is a story for those of you who may have lost hope in love. So follow me on this journey…
Don Juan Demarco Johnny Depp Marlon BrandoOur story starts with a mysterious young man determined to end his life. Wearing a consumeĀ reminiscentĀ of Zorro including the mask, before he kills himself, he first wants to have one last conquest. So he makes his way to a nearby hotel, and proceeds to seduce the first woman sitting alone. He claims no woman has ever left his arms unsatisfied. Later we find him on top of a very large street sign with a model wearing the same mask, where he is supposedly going to jump to his death.
The police calls in a psychiatrist, Dr Mickler, to talk him into coming down. Before the psychiatrist can even begin to talk, the mystery man almost stabs him with his fencing sword demanding to know where his opponent is. Dr Mickler assumes the identity of a aristocratic Spanish nobleman, Don Octavio Del Flores, to gain the confidence of the young Don Juan. He is asks, “Thee Don Juan?” with great surprise as to the identify of his soon-to-be patient. After gaining his confidence, Don Juan agrees to go with Dr Mickler.
Even though the Dr Mickler has been married to his beautiful wife for decades, it’s clearly devoid of passion. As he gets to know Don Juan, he realises he is getting old and does not want to extinguishedĀ the flame of love. While Don Juan is having a distracting influence on the female staff at the hospital, he is alsoĀ rejuvenatingĀ the romance and passion in his Doctor’s marriage. It’s like a love transfusion from the young man to the old man.
Dr Mickler’s wife is shocked by the sudden increase in libido of her husband, who a week from retirement. He’s sessions with Don Juan leads him to question how he looks at his wife, how he deeply he really knows her. At one point he takes her on a date, gives her diamondĀ earnings, flowers, and serenades her with guitar music. He’s wife is not exactly intimated but being a realist she tries to calm down her husband, so he may retire gracefully.
Back to Don Juan story…
After his first love affair with a married woman, he isĀ accidentallyĀ sold into slavery with an Arabian Sultan. The Sultan’s 4th wife takes him as a lover. To make sure he is not discovered, she hides him among 1,500 concubines. I will leave it to your imagination what happened until he’s forced to escape yet again.
This time his journey ends up stranded and meets the love of his life, Dona Ana. They fall deeply and passionately in love. And after some time they commit to spend the rest of their lives with each other. Dona Ana innocently asks Don Juan if he will be wearing a mask for the rest of their lives. He recounts the story of his first love, Dona Julia and how to swore to wear the mask because he’s father died, defending him and he’s mother’s honour.
When she asks him how many other’s there’s been. He says, “Including you, there’s been exactly 1,502.” A sum substantially bigger than she anticipated. He removed his mark as a sign of his remorse. Dona Ana mocks him by taking the mask, and leaving him on the island.
Dr Mickler believes Don Juan’s story, helps him gain release from the mental hospital. Instead of watching 50 Shades of Grey, remember 50 Shades of Love this year.

From Attraction to Romance and back again

David DeAngelo, an American dating coach has a famous saying online, ?Attraction isn’t a choice.? Those words in fact became the title of the 2nd ebook he published after the hugely successful Double Your Dating. Both of these books were the starting point for what has turned into my life purpose, improving my own dating life, and in turn helping others improve their dating and relationships.

Let’s starts by giving attraction a definition: the force that brings people together. Repulsion is what pushes people away. Thinking about magnets you realise how opposites attract and similarities push apart. However, in human relationships you’ll notice that in the short term opposites may indeed spark attraction but its people who have more similarities who are the ones who stay together over the longer term. Someone once told me friendships last longer than most marriages. That is a certain ring of truth to that even without any supporting evidence in the 21st century.

What makes one person more attractive over another person? This is a mystery because philosophers and poets have written about it for thousands of years. And recently many scientists have contributed to the parade. Dr Paul Dobransky defines Attractiveness or Power as positive emotional energy and mature boundary function. In physics power or energy is the amount of work that can be done in a particular length of time. The more potent you are is a core metaphor for masculine power. It’s this potency men advertise to women that creates attraction without using any words or deeds. A woman notices a man, and says to her friend, “I don’t know what it about him…” referring to her initial experience of the masculine energy.

Self-esteem or self-worth is directly linked to attraction. The more self-worth, the higher your self-esteem, the more attractive you are to people. Again from Dr Paul Dobransky, self-esteem is made up of confidence and well-being. Confidence is what you get from transforming your anxiety into courage. And as you look deeper into this you’ll realise removing uncertainty has the same effect. Well-being is more of a motherly energy. You have enough money, enough friends ? your needs is are met – enough peace, enough vacation. Mature adults need to learn to father themselves through courage and mother themselves through what’s called assertiveness. If you don’t have well-being you take anger you feel and you use it in the form of assertiveness. Assertiveness is defined as going out and getting what you need. Again the more assertive, the more attractive.

Don Juan Demarco

Don Juan Demarco Johnny Depp Marlon Brando seducer
In this movie Johnny Depp plays a young man believing himself to be the greatest lover in the world. It starts out with him being depressed because he lost the one great love of his life and is ready to commit suicide. But first must have one last romantic encounter with a woman in need.

Just this opening scene is worth your money in gold because Don Juan gives a perfect example of how to be charming, romantic and seduce a woman. He interrupts a red-headed woman waiting alone at a table, sits down and begins talking to her in a deep commanding voice. As she objects, I insist, ?I will not linger.? He proceeds to tell her how sensitive certain women are to the touch of a man. Moving up from the bottom of their legs, he proceeds to move from her fingertips to her knuckles, which he in turn associates with her knees. Eventually the fleshy part of a finger, is like the thighs and finally…he ends up kissing her between the fingers implying a kiss elsewhere on the female body.

Here’s a clip from the movie with the scene I’ve just described:

Don Juan Demarco, as a movie is a fantastic demonstration of how romance can lead to natural attraction. The problem is, it’s a movie, not real life, in the real world, sparking attraction can be reinforced or strengthened by romance, not the other way around. What I mean here is that without attraction there is a long road to misery that lies ahead. So focus on creating attraction first before you spill your feelings to the person you are attracted.


The Myth of Love in the 21st Century

This is an article I wrote in 2002 and I’m republishing it here now that we’re getting closer to Valentine’s Day where all women go cookoo and men fall over their feet to please them…

As we approach Valentine’s Day its imperative we re-look the meaning of love in modern society. Is love in the 21st century really the same thing as it always was throughout history? The love talked about in the great mythical tales of Romeo & Juliet and Anthony & Cleopatra. Lets look at the definition of love and proceed from there.

The common meaning of love is a deep, tender, ineffable feeling of affection and solicitude toward a person, such as that arising from kinship, recognition of attractive qualities, or a sense of underlying oneness; a feeling of intense desire and attraction toward a person with whom one is disposed to make a pair; the emotion of sex and romance. However many people equate it with Sexual passion, Sexual intercourse or a Love affair; an intense emotional attachment, as for a pet or treasured object; a person who is the object of deep or intense affection or attraction; beloved. Often used as a term of endearment or an expression of one’s affection: ā€œSend him my love.ā€ It could also be a strong predilection or enthusiasm: ā€œa love of languageā€ and even the object of such an enthusiasm: ā€œThe outdoors is her greatest love.ā€ In mythology it refers to Eros or Cupid, often Love in Christianity means Charity and in tennis, zero!

The premise of the movie ā€œThe Mirror Has Two Facesā€ resolves around the question, if marriage is the be all and end all of love? The answer follows that, in the 12 century there was a notion of courtly love, where 2 people come together for love and could not consummate it. This would normally take place between a knight and a lady of the court, which is already married. They would proceed to express their love in many different ways like writing poems to each other. The other strong point the movie makes is the effect that advertising (brainwashing) has on our modern perception of love and beauty. In the days before television and plush womenā€™s magazines we are allowed to think for ourselves. After all beauty is no longer in the eye of the beholder, lets just face the facts.

In another movie ā€œDon Juan DeMarcoā€, our hero lives life the way we all wish we could, in love, totally in-love. The kind of love that makes you feel like you exist only because the person that you love. The moral of this story is that we deny ourselves the love that is all consuming. We donā€™t realise what a wonderful experience it could be and to what madness it can drive us when taken away from us. In modern society weā€™re afraid of our ā€œfeelings being hurtā€ and ā€œwhat other people may thinkā€. So what do we do about it? We should take the risks because the rewards will be worth more then all the treasure of King Solomonā€™s mines. As the classic saying goes, itā€™s better to have loved and lost then never to have loved at all.

Talking to most people they will tell you love is when that special person does small things to make you happy. Others will tell you its that burning desire to hop out of your clothes and get it on, as Marvin Gaye would say. Well honestly, everyone out there experiences on different levels and in different ways love. That is what makes human beings so unique. As we all know with animals instinct takes over and in the heat (sic) of the moment all composure is lost and they end up doing it doggy style.

So do you believe love is a myth or it is something real that can be experienced by everyone, like you and me? Do you believe love is when you kiss your girlfriend or boyfriend and you hear music like in the movies? Does it really matter that to fall in-love and be in-love you need to consummate it? There are so many questions to be asked about love and in real life there is no easy answers. So we look forward to your questions and comments about love, especially after this Valentineā€™s Day.

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