Recently a question the following question was posted on the Bruin-ou.com forum: Should we as individuals be concerned about those ringing and in many cases “vibrating” cellphones of our girlfriends/boyfriends which we never get to see?

Here’s my response…Besides being a part-time dating coach I speak across South Africa to parents, teachers and teenagers about the pro’s and con’s of MXit/Cellphones and Facebook/Social Networking websites.

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Popularity: 99% [?]

A funny situation has evolved in my life recently whereby one of my girlfriends ended up working for me and helping me out on a part-time basis. I work from home so she used to come in and run my office for me, especially when I’m travelling. She’s always been very sweet, very adorable and sometimes to predictable in this sense. However, because of this attitude she had towards life, it was clear that her family abused her inability to say “no”.

So she showed how yesterday morning and at first I did not notice anything different. She went to the shop close by and it took her 1.5 hours to return. In fact I was in a panic and went to find her, only to discover she was parked down the road, apparently trying to find her cellphone. I had gone through a series of emotions from let me wait a bit longer, to how the hell could she take so long, to what the could have happened to her because she’s not answering her cellphone.

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Popularity: 25% [?]

Here’s my take on the 5 main reasons why guys can’t seem to get it right in the relationship stakes:

1. Being to much of a nice guy, to agreeable and therefore too predictable.
2. Trying to buy her affection with dinners, gifts, jewelery or flowers.
3. You do not understanding how attraction works
4. You are to dependent on the outcome of any given interaction with a woman
5. Approval seeking behaviour

Can you think of any other reasons guys can’t seem to get it right in the dating and relations departments in general.

Popularity: 14% [?]

Review of Men Are Clams, Woman Are Crowbars by Dr David Clarke, Ph.D.

When I picked up this book I wanted to learn more about these differences between men and women that I find fascinating in a never ending sort of way. And the analogy works well in the book explaining how men and women communicate and deal with stress in their relationships. What I did not expect was the typical “holier than though” attitude so typical of conservative Christian writers. And this spoils a book with some good practical advice. Overall this book must be aimed at a very small market of people and because of the bias of the author may be unappealing to everyone else. The last thing you want in a self-help book is a preaching tone.

As Dr John Demartini says, the moment you become infatuated with a person or subject yourself to an authority figure e.g. The Pope or Jesus Christ you import their values onto your own and this becomes a miserable failure.

The other disappointing thing about this book is that it almost exclusively focussed on couples in a marriage. And I don’t know if this Christian psychologist, as David Clarke, calls himself, lives in the real world. Expecting people to stay married, forever and ever. Dynamics in the world has changed, so there are a lot more unmarried people then ever before. People who could be married, but don’t for very valid and practical reasons. I also agree with the views of the radical American talk radio DJ, Tom Leykis, there is no benefit for a man, as it stands legally getting married. If you are curious just do a search for “Leykis 101” and you will get an education in manhood you may have missed out on.

This book is written mostly for women, and offers very little help for men. And I suppose that’s always been the target market of the author. Even as a man, I really do not appreciate his tone, talking down, toward men. So this author is what they call pussy whipped.

• You can purchase Men are Clams, Women are Crowbars from Take2

Popularity: 14% [?]