As a Dating Coach and blogger I keep up with what other dating experts are saying. One of my favourites is a guy called Evan Marc Katz, who wrote two books: I Can’t Believe I’m Buying This Book and Why You’re Still Single. Anyway he makes a very good argument why December is in fact a good time to start new relationships because people are not in work mode. And so even though all he says is true I’m going to go with an opposing view from my favourite radio jock, Tom Leykis: DTB for the holidays.

According to Tom women want to have a guy around during major holidays like Christmas, New Year, Valentine’s Day or birthdays. Even if you’ve been with a booty call for a while this is the time to dump her and move on. He says further, “You’ll save yourself the money that would have been spent buying her a present, and there’s a lot of lonely chicks out there who want to be with somebody–anybody. Women want to feel feel validated on the holidays, so they go out on a hunt to find the sucker to buy her presents. Your appeal will be much higher as a man during these times. Sticking around with a girl during these times plants long-term thoughts in her head. You don’t want that for a booty call.”

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Popularity: 21% [?]

My favourite radio jock, Tom Leykis, featured a story “Better with Age” originally published in the New York Post. This is a fascinating overview of views espoused by Leykis. I am 100% in agreement with this based on my own experiences.

Here’s the deal. I’m currently 32, and before I reached 30 I dated a few women over 30. There were good relationships in most cases. However, there has been many women I’ve met in their 30s and they are either obsessed with their careers or bitter about past relationships. I avoid both of these kinds of women like the plague these days. We’re all very busy people and when I’m looking for love, I do not want to compete for a woman’s attention. You will also notice how these career women exhibit masculine traits, which in fact is what helped them achieve their success in their careers.

Anyway my policy for the last 3 years has been, and will continue indefinitely into the future, not to date women over 30. There is absolutely no reason to date women your own age. The scientists in the above mentioned story cite various benefits for men. Here’s an extract:

“Scientifically speaking, once people can no longer reproduce, they cease to have a biological purpose. For women, the “wall of death” age, as evolutionary theorists so cheerfully call it, is about 50. But men - and here’s where the testosterone kicks in - can reproduce into their late 70s, so long as they have good genes and, well, good equipment.

So, when an older man mates with a young woman, he’s essentially postponing death. And his long-life genes - you know he’s got them if he can have kids at that age - get passed on to his children.”

One of my favourite scientists, Dr Helen Fisher, anthropologist and author of Why We Love says, “Women are choosing the men they want to marry - they aren’t being selected.” What she means is that these younger women understand the benefits of older men. So remember that your value as a man just keeps going up over time.

Some of the benefits my younger girlfriends experienced dating me because I have spent so much time educating myself on dating and relationships:

• they constantly learn from me
• encouraging independence in them
• removing or reducing their sexual inhibitions
• helping them open their hearts

Popularity: 32% [?]

Tom Leykis recently did a show called Chicks Depreciating Assets about a Craigslist ad by a gold digger. This has since spilled over into the blogosphere, the New York Times and Daily Telegraph. Anyway here’s the original advert and response with which I agree:

What am I doing wrong?

Okay, I’m tired of beating around the bush. I’m a beautiful (spectacularly beautiful) 25 year old girl. I’m articulate and classy.

I’m not from New York . I’m looking to get married to a guy who makes at least half a million a year. I know how that sounds, but keep in mind that a million a year is middle class in New York City, so I don’t think I’m overreaching at all.

Are there any guys who make 500K or more on this board? Any wives? Could you send me some tips? I dated a business man who makes average around 200 - 250. But that’s where I seem to hit a roadblock. 250,000 won?t get me to central park west. I know a woman in my yoga class who was married to an investment banker and lives in Tribeca, and she’s not as pretty as I am, nor is she a great genius. So what is she doing right? How do I get to her level?

Here are my questions specifically:

• Where do you single rich men hang out? Give me specifics- bars, restaurants, gyms
• What are you looking for in a mate? Be honest guys, you won?t hurt my feelings
• Is there an age range I should be targeting (I?m 25)?
• Why are some of the women living lavish lifestyles on the upper east side so plain? I?ve seen really ?plain jane? boring types who have nothing to offer married to incredibly wealthy guys. I?ve seen drop dead gorgeous girls in singles bars in the east village. What?s the story there?
• Jobs I should look out for? Everyone knows - lawyer, investment banker, doctor. How much do those guys really make? And where do they hang out? Where do the hedge fund guys hang out?
• How you decide marriage vs. just a girlfriend? I am looking for MARRIAGE ONLY

Please hold your insults - I?m putting myself out there in an honest way. Most beautiful women are superficial; at least I?m being up front about it. I wouldn?t be searching for these kind of guys if I wasn?t able to match them - in looks, culture, sophistication, and keeping a nice home and hearth.

PostingID: 432279810

THE ANSWER

Dear Pers-431649184:

I read your posting with great interest and have thought meaningfully about your dilemma. I offer the following analysis of your predicament.

Firstly, I’m not wasting your time, I qualify as a guy who fits your bill; that is I make more than $500K per year. That said here’s how I see it.

Your offer, from the prospective of a guy like me, is plain and simple a crappy business deal. Here’s why. Cutting through all the B.S., what you suggest is a simple trade: you bring your looks to the party and I bring my money. Fine, simple. But here’s the rub, your looks will fade and my money will likely continue into perpetuity in fact, it is very likely that my income increases but it is an absolute certainty that you won?t be getting any more beautiful!

So, in economic terms you are a depreciating asset and I am an earning asset. Not only are you a depreciating asset, your depreciation accelerates! Let me explain, you?re 25 now and will likely stay pretty hot for the next 5 years, but less so each year. Then the fade begins in earnest. By 35 stick a fork in you!

So in Wall Street terms, we would call you a trading position, not a buy and hold?hence the rub?marriage. It doesn’t make good business sense to ?buy you? (which is what you?re asking) so I’d rather lease. In case you think I’m being cruel, I would say the following. If my money were to go away, so would you, so when your beauty fades I need an out. It?s as simple as that. So a deal that makes sense is dating, not marriage.

Separately, I was taught early in my career about efficient markets. So, I wonder why a girl as “articulate, classy and spectacularly beautiful” as you has been unable to find your sugar daddy. I find it hard to believe that if you are as gorgeous as you say you are that the $500K hasn’t found you, if not only for a tryout.

By the way, you could always find a way to make your own money and then we wouldn’t need to have this difficult conversation.

With all that said, I must say you’re going about it the right way.
Classic “pump and dump.”

I hope this is helpful, and if you want to enter into some sort of lease, let me know

Popularity: 62% [?]

The Professor of Poon, Tom Leykis, brought this article to my attention from a recent show. The author of the article starts out by saying how the deal was sealed when she went on a date and at the end of the dinner, her future husband, didn’t hesitate to pay for the dinner. The author even calls herself a hypocrite because she is a feminist and she is still getting her way with her man. Isn’t feminism supposed to be about equality? Without rehashing the whole story I would like to point how you can indeed get away without paying for the first date.

Try some of the following suggestions if you don’t want to pay for the 1st “date”…

• Don’t call it a date - just hang out
• Invite women over to your house to enjoy a bottle of wine
• Meet them at the flea market and go looking for a hard to find gift
• Meet them at a park/lake/beach and go for a walk
• Take them to the opening of an art gallery (usually free with champagne/snacks)

You can get more ideas for cheap dates here. Let me elaborate further. Paying has nothing to do with getting laid. And all women know guys are just trying to get laid. In fact it’s in our evolutionary biology that we cannot fall in love with a women, want friendship/companionship or bonding unless we are physically attracted to you - and that also means - want to have sex with you. An old friend of mine always says women give men sex in exchange for love; and men give women love in exchange for sex. Sometimes reality is harsh but it’s still reality.

Popularity: 20% [?]

Tom Leykis, one of my favourite radio DJs, whom I listen to online, brought this story from Hitched Mag to my attention. Now it originally reads 20 Dates For Under $20 but since I live in South Africa I’ve adapted it to a realistic R100. Just by the way I highly recommend the movie 20 Dates for how NOT to go about dating women.

1. Find the best happy hour in town: Look through your local newspaper or search online for websites that list happy hour prices for local restaurants and bars. Most places offer food and drink specials at half the normal price, allowing you to get two drinks and share an appetizer for less than R100.
2. Go to a museum: Most museums are free or offer free entry on certain days of the month. I also highly recommend art galleries.
3. Visit your local zoo: Most zoos offer adult tickets for less than R50. Pack your own snacks and bottled water and have a mini picnic by your favourite exhibit. Joburg Zoo offers annual passes for R220.
4. Go on a romantic hike: Bring a backpack and surprise your partner with your favourite bottle of cheap champagne, strawberries and plastic champagne flutes. The Suikerbosrand Nature Reserve, south of Johannesburg entrance fee is only R20 per person.
5. Go swimming at your local pool, lake or the beach: Bring some water toys and have more fun than the kids. This is a great suggestion because so few people seem to go to swimming pools any more.
6. Beat the heat with an ice cream date: Take two scoops to the park or take a walk downtown and go people watching.
7. Get an Edgars Card to Pay Half Price @ Movies: South Africa doesn’t have a lot of choice in cinemas unlike America. Pick a rainy day and have a movie marathon.
8. Take a downtown walking tour of your town or nearest city: You?ll have fun discovering things and places you never knew existed. You can also pick up a free visitors guide for ideas. I once took an ex-girlfriend from Cape Town to Hillbrow at 2am to get some Nandos.
9. Throw a cheap picnic: Go on a picnic at the beach, mountains or in your own back yard. Grab a blanket, pack a deli sandwich and a bottle of R20 wine (Douglas Green St Clare, St Anna, St Vincent or St Morand).
10. Take a blanket to the beach: Split your budget between a bottle of wine and cheese then enjoy the sunset while you snuggle on the blanket.
11. Take a stroll through the botanical gardens: Spend the day walking through rose gardens and tropical rain forests hand in hand for less than R100 a ticket. Joburg Botanical Gardens by Emmerentia Dam is free and I’ve been there many times. Start from the bottom of the Rose garden and walk up, stop after each section, sit down, enjoy the view and kiss your girlfriend. Also try National Zoological Garden in Pretoria and Kirstenbosch in Cape Town.
12. Be a kid again: Go bowling, play miniature golf (putt putt), ride go-carts or play laser tag.
13. Build a bonfire: All you need is some firewood, snacks and a drink of your choice. This is also a great opportunity for roasted marshmallows.
14. Rent something: Go roller- or ice-skating, or rent a two-seater bike and ride through the park. Cape Town ice rink here and in Joburg go to Northgate.
15. Paint pottery together: Lots of studios let you get creative for around R25 an hour. Go here for ceramic, pottery and fabric painting information.
16. Pitch a tent: Park fees are usually between R30-R60, which leaves money for food and wood. Go camping and roast hot dogs as you gaze at the stars.
17. Go wine tasting: Many wineries charge around R15-R30 for a tasting?plus, you?ll get to keep the glass as a souvenir of your date.
18. Take a scenic drive: Pull over to have coffee and dessert at a nice caf?. In Johannesburg and Cape Town there are several locations with stunning views of the city below. You can find them on your own or just email me for the directions.
19. Spend the night walking through the shops and enjoying the local artists: Lots of cities have art walks one night a month during the summer. Most galleries even offer a free glass of wine to art-walk goers in order to attract them.
20. Rack ?em up at you local pool joint: With pool games costing R2 at certain venues, you might even have money left over to share a pitcher of beer.

Any more suggestions?

Popularity: 28% [?]

Chris Rock once explained the difference between being rich and being wealthy very succinctly. He said Shaquille O’Neil is rich but the guy who signs his cheque is wealthy. When you are rich you can loose all the money when you’re a big spender, live beyond your means or try to keep up with the Jones, also known as conspicuous consumption. The education system creates a society of consumers and that is a fact. Nobody in particular is to blame except yourself. When you stay blinded to the reality of life you continue to suffer. The signs of success can be overt and people may pay attention to you for a little bit longer. When it’s not over they may ignore you completely.

This leads me to Millionaire Next Door. The person who recommended this book was non other than Tom Leykis, the American talk radio host. He is a self-made multi-millionaire and brags about it often. In fact it only seems like bragging when it’s taken out of context or when you are jealous of his success. I’m not. I’m a admirer. He speaks honestly and directly about the reality of the world we live in. So I recently picked up a copy of this book, ordering it online as do most of my shopping these days.

This is not an easy read because it has heavy emphasis on numbers, statistics. Something which you may not enjoy reading because again the school system creates a society that dislikes mathematics in any shape or form. Now the research has been done by two Ph.D’s and you can’t fault the depth of their analysis. They surveyed large groups of millionaires and high income producers for several decades. This book is a very good snapshot of the research and you can start to see the common sense almost boring methods by which the millionaires become millionaires.

Here’s the most common denominators of millionaires:

1. They live well below their means.
2. They allocate their time, energy, and money efficiently, in ways conducive to building wealth.
3. They believe that financial independence is more important than displaying high social status!
4. Their parents did not provide economic outpatient care.
5. Their adult children are economically self-sufficient.
6. They are proficient in targeting market opportunities.
7. They chose the right occupations.

In South Africa you may be interested in the Who’s Who list of Wealthiest South Africans. And you can purchase Millionaire Next Door from Kalahari.net or Take2.

Popularity: 16% [?]

Men often give women a hard time because they are desperate and have the vain hope, the women will give them sex, if not today maybe tomorrow. In fact that wording in itself is a problem because men that think this way put themselves down, while putting women on pedestals. What I mean is that these men think they have no choice in what women they have sex with. It’s a constant pursuit and it’s also scarcity mentality.

A rule that I’ve seen mentioned by a few different people like Tom Leykis and other teachers in the seduction community is the three strikes and you’re out rule. This rule comes from Baseball, where after three pitches, and no hit, you’re automatically out and have to leave the playing field. So I have realised this is a very good attitude for men to have. It saves time and creates a very clear boundary for what you are willing to accept and not. In my last post I wrote about a woman who called me and casually mentioned being tired and how I dealt with her.

Let me share some more about her with you to demonstrate the games and bullshit we guys have to put up with. When I first met her at Moloko, she danced with me and grinded her ass on me and all the sexually suggestive moves you normally see in hip-hop music videos. She came over to my place last Friday night. And to make a long story short we never had sex because she mentioned it was that time of the month, etc. On Saturday night I had a big Spring party (photos coming soon) and she came over earlier and along with my friend Aretha. I appreciate this kind of willingness from anyone to help out.

What I do not expect is disrespect at any stage of a relationship. After some people started arriving she practically avoided me. And especially after my friend Berker, who looks like a male model, arrived she spent the rest of the evening almost glued to him. And some other people at my party made this same observation to me. And some of them actually believing she was with him, and not me. No I have to state clearly she was not with me and I have no problem with her talking to anyone because we are not in any sort of relationship, open or exclusive.

She, Aretha and Berker left for Moloko and I joined them later with another woman from my party. And strange things were abound. Firstly Berker took me to dance a few meters away from all the women. And he tried to fix me up with some other random woman, not to bad looking, dancing next to us. He left to rejoin the women from my party. And eventually we left early because she got some cramps (that time of the month). The next day she sends me a text message apologising for being such an ass hole, dancing with my good friend Berker the whole night, and she only did it because I act indifferent when other people are around and only seem to like her when we’re alone.

I learned the hard way not to become to possessive to early on. So when I meet a woman I will give her a lot of attention when I’m alone with her because I’m creating attraction and building rapport. And so when I’m in a public place or crowd I will never, ever place any demands on the woman. In fact I learnt from David DeAngelo to encourage independence in people actually brings them back to you because it shows very clearly you’re not needy and you have high self-esteem. So this was the third strike for me and she’s out…NEXT!

Popularity: 8% [?]