The Only Commandment this Valentine Day: Love Yourself

This post is a continuation of ideas I started exploring from Osho’s Love, Freedom and Aloneness book


There is an belief that it’s better to give then to receive, it’s better to sacrifice yourself for the good of others, your country, your family or your children. Osho says this is a lie, a blatant lie. The priests and the politicians have held against you from the beginning of time. Even the Oracle at Delphi saying, ?Know Thyself? got it wrong because how can you even begin to know yourself if you do not love yourself? Dr John Gray said in the movie, The Secret, you have to give more to yourself, so that you can begin to overflow, and then you share with others.

When you do not love yourself it’s nothing more than avoiding yourself. Everything you do, watching television, listening to the radio, socialising, working, lovemaking, is all escaping from yourself. So how do you begin to get in touch with that part of you that you have been denying or ignoring? One way is to bring to the conscious mind those good things that you know others see in you, and you see in yourself from time to time. Do the following exercise and share the results with me by posting a comment below.

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Give your dating life a makeover this Valentines Day

Supercharge your dating life and reinvent yourself from the inside out with South Africa’s leading dating and attraction expert…

Love is in the air and South Africa’s “Romance Rescue Team” have announced they will be hosting the first ever Social or Single seminar on the 12 February. The perfect aphrodisiac to Valentine’s Day, guests attending the event will be treated to an evening of lively, entertaining talk by leading dating and attraction experts. Not just for the actively unmarried, the event is open to all and being held at the celebrated Preview Theatre in Bagleyston. It will start with a glass of champagne between 18h30 and 19h00.

Ramon ThomasThe first of its kind in South Africa, this event promises to be such fun,” enthuses top dating coach and SA’s answer to Hitch, Ramon Thomas. “There will be talks on every aspect of attraction including dating techniques and body language, image projection and personal style, sex, love and romance; everything you need to know to supercharge your dating life and relationships.”

Master of Ceremonies for the evening, Thomas, will also present a powerful talk on how to shift your dating life from scarcity to abundance. “Dating in the 21 century is challenging,” he maintains, “whether you want to attract more of the right kind of people into your life or transform your relationships so they deepen and last longer. So I’ll be tackling topics like how attraction really works, for both sexes, why living in a heavily populated city actually makes it more difficult to find a mate, and how changing your mind will change your life.”

Koketso MasegoThomas will be joined on stage by Koketso Masego, founder of the BeautyLUSH image consultancy, who will be demonstrating how to find and exploit your personal sense of style by performing a ?live? image makeover. “There is a powerful, symbolic relationship between your outer appearance and your inner feelings and thoughts,” explains Masego, “and I want to show the audience how to tap into that exchange to heighten and express their attractiveness.”

Two internationally-recognised authorities on romance and relationships, Prof Helen Fisher and Dr John Demartini, will also be sharing their expertise with the audience through two highly entertaining and engaging video presentations. “Prof. Fisher will be exploring both why we love and why we cheat and Dr. Demartini will be sharing his powerful ideas on how to transform our relationships,” notes Thomas.

Guests will also stand a chance to win a complete personal ‘dating life’ makeover, valued at over R4000, in the Grand Prize Draw at the end of the evening. “One male and one female guest will each win a free attraction-consultation with Koketso and me,” explains Thomas, “but nobody will leave empty handed because we will also be giving out complimentary DVDs of the entire evening’s info-tainment.”

Brought to you in association with SMARTdate, South Africa?s leading dating agency, tickets for “Social or Single” cost R100 per person and can bookings can be made through the SMARTdate website or by calling 072 464-4253.

Notes to Editors

South Africa’s #1 Dating Coach, professional speaker and regular media commentator, Ramon Thomas is an expert on dating, attraction and romantic relationships in the 21st century. A member of the National Speakers Association and Toastmasters, Thomas is an experienced compeer available for keynote presentation and seminars.

Managed by local cinematic legend, Italo Bernicci, the celebrated Preview Theatre is available for hire as a venue and regularly presents screenings of classic movies. Located on Valerie Crescent, Bagleyston, Johannesburg.

For further information please contact Ramon Thomas directly.

Valentine’s Day 2006 Movie Recommendations

One of the best things to do is get together with your girlfriend or boyfriend and watch a movie. DVDs are just so commonplace and as you know you can get those pirate copies even while movies are in cinemas. I personally prefer watching them at the cinema the first time around. As Valentine’s Day is approaching I recommend some of my favourite romantic movies from the last two years…

1. 50 First Dates (2004)

50 First Dates With generous amounts of good luck and good timing, 50 First Dates set an all-time box-office record for the opening weekend of a romantic comedy; whether it deserved such a bonanza is another issue altogether. It’s a sweet-natured vehicle for sweet-natured stars Adam Sandler and Drew Barrymore, and their track record with The Wedding Singer no doubt factors in its lowbrow appeal. But while the well-matched lovebirds wrestle with a gimmicky plot (she has no short-term memory, so he has to treat every encounter as their first), director Peter Segal (who directed Sandler in Anger Management) ignores the intriguing potential of their predicament (think Memento meets Groundhog Day) and peppers the proceedings with the kind of juvenile humor that Sandler fans have come to expect. The movie sneaks in a few heartfelt moments amidst its inviting Hawaiian locations, and that trained walrus is charmingly impressive, but you can’t quite shake the feeling that too many good opportunities were squandered in favor of easy laughs. Like Barrymore’s character, you might find yourself forgetting this movie shortly after you’ve seen it.

2. The Notebook (2004)

When you consider that old-fashioned tearjerkers are an endangered species in Hollywood, a movie like The Notebook can be embraced without apology. Yes, it’s syrupy sweet and clogged with clichés, and one can only marvel at the irony of Nick Cassavetes directing a weeper that his late father John–whose own films were devoid of saccharine sentiment–would have sneered at. Still, this touchingly impassioned and great-looking adaptation of the popular Nicholas Sparks novel has much to recommend, including appealing young costars (Ryan Gosling and Rachel McAdams) and appealing old costars (James Garner and Gena Rowlands, the director’s mother) playing the same loving couple in (respectively) early 1940s and present-day North Carolina. He was poor, she was rich, and you can guess the rest; decades later, he’s unabashedly devoted, and she’s drifting into the memory-loss of senile dementia. How their love endured is the story preserved in the titular notebook that he reads to her in their twilight years. The movie’s open to ridicule, but as a delicate tearjerker it works just fine. Message in a Bottle and A Walk to Remember were also based on Sparks novels, suggesting a triple-feature that hopeless romantics will cherish.

3. Bride and Prejudice (2004)

Bride and PrejudiceThe exotic sounds, vibrant colors, and ecstatic dancing of Bollywood collide with the cunning storytelling of Jane Austen in Bride & Prejudice (from the writer/director of previous East/West hybrid Bend It Like Beckham). When smart, outspoken Lalita Bakshi (Indian beauty Aishwarya Rai) meets Will Darcy (Martin Henderson, The Ring), she finds this American businessman arrogant and conceited–but because his best friend is falling in love with her sister, Lalita agrees to travel around India with Darcy. On the trip, a childhood friend of Darcy’s named Johnny (Daniel Gillies, Spider-Man 2) both tickles Lalita’s fancy and confirms her worst suspicions about Darcy. But as events unfold, Lalita wonders if she hasn’t misjudged Darcy–and Johnny. Austen fans will be find much to criticize; Bride & Prejudice transplants the basic plot of Pride & Prejudice to modern India, but not much of Austen’s sly wit or her insights about character and society have survived the translation. Henderson, though handsome, lacks the intimidating charisma of previous Mr. Darcys (including Laurence Olivier and Colin Firth). Thank goodness for the delightful Rai, here making her first all-English-language movie. She commands the screen like a true star (unsurprisingly, she’s hugely popular in India, and previously starred in a more homegrown Austen adaptation: I Have Found It, based on Sense & Sensibility). For Western audiences unfamiliar with the freewheeling exuberance of Indian movies–wild musical numbers can break out at almost any moment–Bride & Prejudice offers an engaging taste of this fantastic cinematic style.

4. Spanglish (2004)

SpanglishAnyone familiar with writer/director James L. Brooks (As Good As It Gets) knows the man has a real feel for interesting women and a disarming way with a one-liner. The main women in Spanglish are Deborah Clasky (Téa Leoni), a moneyed SoCal mom, and non-English speaking Flor Moreno (Paz Vega), the beautiful Latina whom Deborah hires as a housekeeper. The one-liners, some of them amusing, are everywhere. Brooks provides an intriguing set-up for the two women to butt heads–Deborah’s pudgy daughter Bernice (Sarah Steele) needs the affection at which Flor excels, while Flor’s clever, bi-lingual daughter Cristina (Shelbie Bruce) is enamored of the financial advantages Deborah can provide–then proceeds to make Deborah so hatefully ignorant you can’t imagine why her neuroses are the main thrust of the film. And Deborah’s celebrated chef husband John (Adam Sandler, way over his head) is such a perfect parent he doesn’t seem human–what happened to the Brooks who had Terms of Endearment mom Debra Winger turn to her scowling little boy and grunt “Don’t make me hit you in the street”? Cloris Leachman has a nifty supporting role as Deborah’s boozy, ex-jazz singer mother, but it’s only one offbeat chord in an earnest film that hits all the wrong notes.

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The Myth of Love in the 21st Century

This is an article I wrote in 2002 and I’m republishing it here now that we’re getting closer to Valentine’s Day where all women go cookoo and men fall over their feet to please them…

As we approach Valentine’s Day its imperative we re-look the meaning of love in modern society. Is love in the 21st century really the same thing as it always was throughout history? The love talked about in the great mythical tales of Romeo & Juliet and Anthony & Cleopatra. Lets look at the definition of love and proceed from there.

The common meaning of love is a deep, tender, ineffable feeling of affection and solicitude toward a person, such as that arising from kinship, recognition of attractive qualities, or a sense of underlying oneness; a feeling of intense desire and attraction toward a person with whom one is disposed to make a pair; the emotion of sex and romance. However many people equate it with Sexual passion, Sexual intercourse or a Love affair; an intense emotional attachment, as for a pet or treasured object; a person who is the object of deep or intense affection or attraction; beloved. Often used as a term of endearment or an expression of one’s affection: “Send him my love.” It could also be a strong predilection or enthusiasm: “a love of language” and even the object of such an enthusiasm: “The outdoors is her greatest love.” In mythology it refers to Eros or Cupid, often Love in Christianity means Charity and in tennis, zero!

The premise of the movie “The Mirror Has Two Faces” resolves around the question, if marriage is the be all and end all of love? The answer follows that, in the 12 century there was a notion of courtly love, where 2 people come together for love and could not consummate it. This would normally take place between a knight and a lady of the court, which is already married. They would proceed to express their love in many different ways like writing poems to each other. The other strong point the movie makes is the effect that advertising (brainwashing) has on our modern perception of love and beauty. In the days before television and plush women’s magazines we are allowed to think for ourselves. After all beauty is no longer in the eye of the beholder, lets just face the facts.

In another movie “Don Juan DeMarco”, our hero lives life the way we all wish we could, in love, totally in-love. The kind of love that makes you feel like you exist only because the person that you love. The moral of this story is that we deny ourselves the love that is all consuming. We don’t realise what a wonderful experience it could be and to what madness it can drive us when taken away from us. In modern society we’re afraid of our “feelings being hurt” and “what other people may think”. So what do we do about it? We should take the risks because the rewards will be worth more then all the treasure of King Solomon’s mines. As the classic saying goes, it’s better to have loved and lost then never to have loved at all.

Talking to most people they will tell you love is when that special person does small things to make you happy. Others will tell you its that burning desire to hop out of your clothes and get it on, as Marvin Gaye would say. Well honestly, everyone out there experiences on different levels and in different ways love. That is what makes human beings so unique. As we all know with animals instinct takes over and in the heat (sic) of the moment all composure is lost and they end up doing it doggy style.

So do you believe love is a myth or it is something real that can be experienced by everyone, like you and me? Do you believe love is when you kiss your girlfriend or boyfriend and you hear music like in the movies? Does it really matter that to fall in-love and be in-love you need to consummate it? There are so many questions to be asked about love and in real life there is no easy answers. So we look forward to your questions and comments about love, especially after this Valentine’s Day.

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