DAY 3 (Saturday, 29 September)

• 11:30 - 1:00 The Secret DVD viewing
• 1:15 - 2:15 Learn How to Pole Dance presented by BodyMind Studios
• 2:30 - 3:30 Sex Toys 101 presented by Lola Montez
• 3:45 - 5:15 Tantric Workshop presented by Jonti Searll
• 5:30 - 6:30 Datability: Would You Date You? presented by SMARTdate and Ramon Thomas
• 6:45 - 8:15 Sensual Massage - Talk and Demo presented by Jonti Searll 8:30 - 9:30 Sex Toy Overview presented by Matildas
• 9:45 - 10:45 Learn How to Lap Dance presented by BodyMind Studios

DAY 4 (Sunday, 30 September)

• 11:30 - 1:00 The Secret DVD viewing
• 1:15 - 2:15 Sex Toy Overview presented by Matildas
• 2:30 - 3:30 G-spot and Female Ejaculation presented by Jonti Searll 3:45 - 4:45
• Learn How to Pole Dance presented by BodyMind Studios 5:00 - 6:00 Awakening the Erotic Spirit presented by Jonti Searll 6:15 - 7:15
• Sex Toys 101 presented by Lola Montez
• 7:30 - 8:30 Datability: Would You Date You? presented by SMARTdate and Ramon Thomas

This is the first time in South Africa any of the dating agencies is teaming up with a dating expert to improve the results their clients obtain from using their services. Worldwide this is the great value being added by such relationships.

Popularity: 21% [?]

In a country just opening up to the culture of the dating scene it?s hard when you?re newly single to know what to do or where to go. SMARTdate owner Jenny Cereseto will present a number of workshops, with Ramon Thomas, a well known dating coach over the course of the controversial exhibition, Sexpo with intent to educate single people about the dating game.

“As an exhibitor I want to make the dating concept something people understand and remove any hesitation they may have had in the past,” says Jenny Cereseto, owner of SMARTdate. “Most of my clients find speed dating helps expand their social life and in that way meet new people for dating and relationships. Speed dating is a great way of improving confidence, developing social skills and finding a partner.”

Sexpo began in Australia, where the biggest public exhibition is held. Joburg’s version is expected to draw up to 30 000 visitors. The expo, being held from September 27 to 30th at Gallagher Estate, will host 100 exhibitors offering books, toys, gadgets, health, fashion, dating and lingerie.

“Most people today are overwhelmed by choice. Internet dating and cellphones make things easier and more difficult at the same time,” says Ramon Thomas, South Africa’s #1 Dating Coach. “My mission is to show people how to convey what they have to offer and meet better quality people.”

Some of what men will learn at the Sexpo:
- how to overcome social programming
- attraction vs romance vs love
- advanced body language
- eliciting women’s values
- setting up short, medium and long term relationships

An interesting dichotomy emerges in the dating industry with all online dating and SMS dating companies are run by men with majority of users being men. The opposite holds true for most speed dating and dinner dating companies. They are run by women and attract more women than men to their events. ?Men hide behind their computer or cellphone screens instead of going out and meeting woman,? says Thomas. ? I’m determined to show them how to do it.?

There are currently over 40 dating service providers operating in South Africa. This number excludes most SMS services who come and go and old fashioned social clubs, who advertise mostly in local classifieds. Most dating companies do not offer any advice to their clients. While the worldwide trends are that they partner with dating gurus or life coaches.

Thomas confirms the biggest problem in the dating industry is that there is no regulation. Users of online, speed or SMS dating services have no independent body to report any complaints to for investigation. And Thomas has become the unofficial industry ombudsman.

MEDIA CONTACTS

Ramon Thomas, Dating Coach
Cell. 082 940-7137

Jenny Cereseto, owner SMARTdate
Cell. 072 464-4253

Popularity: 33% [?]

On Monday evening I had a small dinner party at my place. It was a last minute episode and I invited a new female friend over to join us. At first she agreed and later some doubt set in. She called me while I was taking a shower and so I missed her call. The voice mail said she was on her way. However, a few minutes later I received an SMS saying she was tired and wanted to have an early night.

For a moment I considered replying to the SMS and then I remembered I know how to deal with this kind of situation. I’ve done it before. So I called her up and spoke to her directly instead of sending a text message. The first thing I did was teasing her about not knowing which highway to take to my place. It’s easily about 30 minutes drive to my place. And maybe it’s understandable that a woman would have doubts about driving around late at night if 7pm on a Monday evening can be considered late

Anyway as you may know Johannesburg has the worst traffic in all of South Africa. So peak hour is particularly bad here. And I weaved this into the story I was telling her, pointing out how few cars are on the road after 7pm and it would be a breeze driving to my place. She laughed. And proceeded to defended herself telling me she owns a GPS and it will direct her so she doesn’t need directions. This was a small commitment from her and I kept building on it. I talked for a while longer about her, her fancy GPS and how proud she must be to own one. She has to show me how it works one day. And then I reassured her that this dinner party was going to be fun. There’s no strings attached. In fact I would kick her ass out if she stayed to long.

She agreed to come over and that was it. I encouraged her to bring along her favourite drink. This is such a trivial thing but so crucial i.e. getting people to bring something over when they visit you, makes them invest in their decision even more. Now the moral of the story is that I didn’t do a sales job. What I mean is that I did not persuade her using logic. I did not give her a list of benefits for coming over. Instead I changed her emotional state - from being hesitant to being certain, from being afraid of making a bad decision (staying out late on a Monday night) to feeling she is making a good decision. And certainly from her behaviour and reactions afterwards she felt she had made a good decision.

One last thing I made sure my own internal state was light, fun and that I projected certainty. The key to a leading a woman is projecting certainty.

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John Demartini is back in South Africa for a series of talks and seminars. Here’s some of the details:

Public Talks: Access Your Power

• Johannesburg: Thursday, 22 September - Montecasino, Il Grande Theatre
• Cape Town: Wednesday 26 September - Arabella Sheraton Hotel, Ballroom
• Durban: 3 October - Elangeni Hotel, Great Elanga

Time: Registration 7pm; Talk 7h30pm-9pm.
Cost R90 @ Book through Computicket or R100 at the door. Seats limited.

You can read my own review of his 2-day Breakthrough Experience seminar I attended in December 2006.

Anyway here’s an awesome 30 minute interview with Alan Steinfeld, host of New Realities…

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This section is based on the famous Dale Carnegie book, although I’m not going to give you the advice from his book because it is outdated when you consider the tremendous changes in society over the last 30 years, especially since the feminist revolution.

So many people who reach 30+ complain that all their friends are married or in long term relationships. And so they do not have anyone to hang out with or go out to party with. This leads to them exploring things like speed dating and other types of matchmaking services in an attempt to expand their social circle.

The fundamental thing that bonds people together is common interest. And in most cases you are friends with people who are more like you than unlike you. So this is where you would start to explore how to make new friends. What you have to start doing is to explore friendships with people based on the activities you participate in. So for example of you are a gym freak, and you spend 4 or more days per week at your local gym, it’s a good idea for you to start conversations with people who hang out at your gym. From there you can start building rapport over time.

Now how do you actually form friendships, especially if you have been single, for a long time. You simply start inviting people to join you out on other activities. You do not have to anything complicated but say for example you are having a braai at your place. This is the perfect time and place to invite new friends who can meet each other or existing friends. You have to remember that it does take some effort to get to know people. So you must be sure to make the barriers of entry as low as possible. So don’t even suggest a bring-n-braai instead buy everything and ask them to bring along their favourite drink.

One guy had this crazy way of making friends with women where he would invite them all out for drinks. They end up competing for his attention and this very healthy kind of attention is what creates rapport between people.

From Dale Carnergie here’s a few more specific tips:

Ways to Make People Like You:

• Become genuinely interested in other people and smile
• Remember that a man’s name is to him the sweetest and most important sound in any language.”
• Be a good listener. Encourage others to talk about themselves.
• Talk in the terms of the other person’s interest.
• Make the other person feel important and do it sincerely.

Something else I like to do for my friends is to send them information about things they are interested in via email. And whenever I meet up with them we start sharing stories about what’s happened in our lives. I ensure that we speak more about what’s happened in their lives than my own. It’s impossible not to talk about myself because inevitably they will ask me the same questions I’ve asked them. You can also use websites like Facebook and SA Reunited to connect with old friends and new ones.

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My friend Ross sent me this article, which come via another friend, from the Women24 website. What amuses me most about the comments on the original website is that several married women are bragging about having fuck buddies.

Now I ask you this…what is the point of getting married if you are going to have sex with other people?

Anyway here’s the article…

Men who enjoy casual sex have always been tolerated. So why are women labeled when they do it?

Fact of life number 20562: some women enjoy having sex without being in love. Unlike the girls conducting business after hours on the city’s street corners, here there’s no monetary exchange, no promise to leave wives, girlfriends or significant others, and no time wasted on wishy-washy declarations of love and unfulfilled proposals of marriage.

While men who enjoy casual sex have always been tolerated (”boys will sow their wild oats”), female sexuality has often been under the control of everyone but the woman herself.

The one-night stand
The amount of time between “girl meets boy” and “girl beds boy” may be weeks, months or many years for the patient, the pious or those who’ve picked a man who can’t raise the Rand for lobola. But in the case of lust at first sight, it’s only a matter of minutes, perhaps hours, before the law of the jungle takes over. In this kind of casual sex it’s understood (or it should be) that no phone numbers will be exchanged and that come daybreak, there’ll be no hard feelings.

The downside
Guilt may arise the morning after the night before. Says Johannesburg psychiatrist and sexologist, Dr Bernard Levinson: “I hate guilt! Take responsibility for your actions, and make sure you use a condom. Whatever you did, you did. It’s your baggage.”

The upside
Men adore being objects of lust. Says Brendan Cooper, UCM Editorial Director: “It’s so rare to have a straightforward, upfront come-on from a woman that I imagine most men are really chuffed by it.” But can a man look at a woman with respect after such a fling? “Why should women be looked at differently because they enjoy sex too?” he asks.

The hunter-gatherer
Whereas a one-night stand is often coincidental, or the result of spiked punch at a party, there are women who set out to count their conquests with as much relish as any man.

Yet there’s a huge difference between an unattached woman enjoying casual sex as and when circumstances permit, and a woman who requires sex continually in order to feel whole, no matter who she has it with.

The downside
Sex with no strings attached may sound idyllic, but it does have its drawbacks. Hunter-gatherers aren’t always happy.

Says Dr Levinson: “They’re seeking orgasms that evade them, a sense of completion that fails every time. It’s a deep-seated problem that doesn’t do well in talking therapy and may need medication of sorts.”

The upside
Being able to express one’s sexuality outside a relationship is certainly a plus if love remains elusive for a long time. If you fancy a guy and long to see him naked in your bed, behaving like a hunter-gatherer is a fast track to passion. Is there a tried and trusted method of doing this?

“Yep,” says Cooper. “All a woman has to say is: ‘Get your jacket, buddy ? you just pulled.”

The shag buddy
It’s an intriguing idea to have a man on call in the event of horniness, someone who’ll kiss and not tell ? but how easy is it to separate the performance from the performer?

Says Dr Eve: “You can bet on things getting confusing the morning after. Sharing yourself physically with someone is intensely personal and intimate. Expect to feel your body shift a little as it integrates this new person into itself.”

There’s a strong chance of feeling empty or used if the only post-sex pillow talk is about when you’ll meet again for a repeat session. Perhaps one of the partners is secretly wanting something more. “In my experience, there are few women who don’t have a measure of hope that this one will be the Prince,” says Dr Eve. “Casual sex is hard on the heart.”

The shag buddy system has the advantage of tiding one over until better days. Says Dr Eve: “Many women find it easier to be sexually satisfied with a near-stranger than in a relationship. When there’s no relationship pressure on them, they have less to lose and can risk asking for what they want sexually ? so they feel more assertive and powerful.”

What do men think?
The opinions of men are varied on this count. Some are happy to have sex served on a platter without having to buy flowers, dinner or diamonds. Some blatantly apply double standards. After all, it’s good for them to find a woman who’s up for it without too much persuasion, but would they really want a relationship with her?

Dr Eve feels that casual sex can be fun if it’s a phase ? not a lifestyle. “This is a choice adults have a right to make,” says Dr Eve, “but it carries the need to take responsibility for protecting your body and mind.”

You may be interested in purchasing Dr Eve’s new book: The Pillowbook from Kalahari.net

Popularity: 43% [?]

Ever heard of Mitch Hedberg? My friend Chris van Wyk recently brought him to my attention. What an awesome comedic talent. He’s jokes are so arb you cannot help yourself laughing your ass off. In fact he comes across as someone who’s permanently high because his delivery is so laid back. It’s refreshing to have clean humour where no vulgarity is used while still being hilarious. From watching so much comedy it just seems that most stand-up comedians or movies rely on toiler humour or sex talk to get a laugh. Mitch Hedberg was something else. Sadly he passed away in 2005 just before his first HBO special.

See for yourself in this clip. And I encourage you checkout more of him on Youtube.

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Ever heard of the Weapons of Influence? This is from an excellent book by Dr Robert Cialdini that every person should read at least once in their life. I have read this one 3 times so far.

Cialdini defines six “weapons of influence”:

• Reciprocity - People tend to return a favour. Thus, the pervasiveness of free samples in marketing. In his conferences, he often uses the example of Ethiopia providing thousands of dollars in humanitarian aid to Mexico just after the 1985 earthquake, despite Ethiopia suffering from a crippling famine and civil war at the time. Ethiopia had been reciprocating for the diplomatic support Mexico provided when Italy invaded Ethiopia in 1937. On a personal note if you invite people to a party at your house, you’re much more likely to get an invitation to a party at their house.
• Commitment and Consistency - If people commit, verbally or in writing, to an idea or goal, they are more likely to honor that commitment. Even if the original incentive or motivation is removed after they have already agreed, they will continue to honor the agreement. For example, in car sales, suddenly raising the price at the last moment works because the buyer has already decided to buy.
• Social Proof - People will do things that they see other people are doing. For example, in one experiment, one or more confederates would look up into the sky; bystanders would then look up into the sky to see what they were seeing. At one point this experiment aborted, as so many people were looking up that they stopped traffic. See conformity, and the Asch conformity experiments.
• Authority - People will tend to obey authority figures, even if they are asked to perform objectionable acts. Cialdini cites incidents, such as the Milgram experiments in the early 1960s and the My Lai massacre.
• Liking - People are easily persuaded by other people that they like. Cialdini cites the marketing of Tupperware in what might now be called viral marketing. People were more likely to buy if they liked the person selling it to them. Some of the many biases favoring more attractive people are discussed. Social proof is a specific way to create the impression that you are popular or liked by people. Sometimes I see rich old men, with young hot young women and I realise one of the unconscious reasons for this is they both gain influence.
• Scarcity - Perceived scarcity will generate demand. For example, saying offers are available for a “limited time only” encourages sales.

Robert Cialdini’s produces a monthly newsletter through his website, Influence at Work.

Anyway I wanted to share this with you because it’s one of my secret weapons these days. I do not go sarging any more. That’s way to much work. Instead befriend high quality women (i.e. women YOU are attracted to personally) to gain access to THEIR social circles. And through this mechanism you can create more and more social proof. So if you have a hot female friends make sure that you are seen with them when you are out. But do not cling to them. Instead leave them whenever you see an attractive woman. Go over to that other woman, strike up a conversation and later go back to your female friend. In many cases, my female friends have pre-sold me to a new woman I have just met.

David DeAngelo makes a very good case for this in his Mastery Program. And if you are on Facebook - USE IT - these hot women are advertising themselves. Go to the events that are continuously posted on Facebook and take advantage of the situation.

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I never learned the nursery rhyme “What are little boys made of” and only recently heard about it. And the more I thought about it, the more I kept thinking about how an imbalance is created in children at a very young age. Seemingly innocent I believe this nursery rhyme creates an artificial division between the genders. For those of you who’ve never heard it, here it is….

What are little boys made of?
Snips and snails,
And puppy dog tails,
That’s what little boys are made of.

What are little girls made of?
Sugar and spice,
And everything nice,
That’s what little girls are made of.

In my opinion it seems that generally speaking women raised to believe they are princesses and boys are raised as if they are rogues. How true is this in what we see around us every single day?

Now then when I was growing up I played mostly with other boys. And of course girls play mostly with other girls. And what games do the girls play that’s different from the boys? Well just go with me on this one…

Girls play with dolls like Barbie and more recently the Bratz dolls have become very popular. Now as we know Barbie has Ken, and the Bratz dolls have their equivalents. And how to do the girls play with these dolls? They may have doll houses or not but what does happen is they role play real world situations. They get to think about social interactions between boys and girls or between mummy and daddy. You may say, this is nonsense, girls have always played games like this and it doesn’t mean anything. I beg to differ. These games in effect make girls masters of social interactions from a very young age. And when they grow up they are much better prepared for social interactions then most guys will ever be. Think of how comfortable women are at parties talking to each other or to any guys who can hold a good conversation. And how women group together in a public toilet.

In fact someone told me once women can go into a public toilet and come out as ?best friends? but that will never, ever happen to men. They barely look at each other in a public rest rooms. Trust me! I’m one of them

As far back as 1953 there was the Marilyn Monroe film, How to Marry a Millionaire. And this whole objective in this movie is three models moving into a fancy New York apartment with hopes to marry a millionaire. And more recently we had the American reality show, Who Wants To Marry a Millionaire, which ended with the winner out of 50 women, asking for an annulment of the wedding few weeks after the show ended.

Well I digress because what girls are really benefiting from is practising the social dynamics that will allow them to become masters of social interactions with men later in their lives. They get to see into the mind of the daddy or Ken, Barbie’s boyfriend. And they can play out endless amounts of scenarios which prepares them for the real thing.

In the mean time what are the boys up to? They are fighting, they are clubbing up and down trees and other things. They get injured, maybe they cry but they do not engage in the kind of social games that builds conversation skills and also reading other people the way girls do. So boys are at a distinct disadvantage when they get to teenage years. And you know this the time that boys want to start talking to girls, and girl want the boys to approach them and talk to them.

So what are little boys to do when they grow up? Well practise makes perfect is a clich but it works. And this is how you do it, practise with women who are waiters, shop attendants, at checkout counters and everywhere else. Even if you not attracted to them, start quick short conversations. Get their opinion about something and the rest will follow.

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Last night I attended the really awesome “Make Laugh Not War” show at the Nelson Mandela Theatre in Braamfontein. The cast included Riaad Moosa (MC), Joey Rasdien, Afzal Khan, Mo Magic from South Africa and international comedians Azhar Usman, Preacher Moss, Mo Amer from Allah Made Me Funny Muslim comedy tour. Riaad, a medical doctor turned comedian from Cape Town, hosted the evening. My tickets were thanks to Lester Ash from Bruin-ou.com. All I can say is that if you are even remotely interested in the Indian/Arab/Muslim/Palestinian people you are going to laugh your ass off. There are some very specific South African in-jokes with our diverse community. So you will enjoy the first set and overall the 2nd set with the international comedians were off the rockers.

So today they have their final show in South Africa. Be sure to book for the two shows today at Computicket. And just as a teaser…here’s a clip from Google Video:

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