Act Like a Lady, Think Like a Man by Steve Harvey

Steve Harvey Act Like a Lady, Think Like a Man relationship book
Steve Harvey is one of the original comedians features in the Original Kings of Comedy along with Cedric the Entertainer, Bernie Mac and D.L. Hughley. Like most people I really enjoy a good laugh and one of my favourite past times is going to stand-up comedy shows. I recently got a Steve Harvey DVD from a friend and began watching it and didn’t really laugh that much. Maybe my taste in comedy is just different (I enjoy Chris Rock, but Eddie Izzard, George Carlin and Bill Hicks are my personal favourites).

Now what qualifies a comedian to write a relationship book you may ask? Well it’s really so easy to get published these days. You can be a former playboy model and suddenly become a writer of books on autism as Jenny McCarthy (helped by Oprah) proved. Seems like in this consumer society we’ll buy just about anything thrown at us. This is even more true when that person is Oprah Winfrey. Apparently Steve Harvey was featured on the show and this of course helped increase the sales of this book dramatically, irrespective of whether it is any good or not.

My problem with this book is that in many ways it is putting men down from time to time. Harvey encourages women to withhold sex to punish men in different chapters. Well I don’t know any man who would like to be punished in this way. Surely the mature thing to do is be direct and open about whatever is wrong in a relationship. Men are not from Mars and women are not from Venus, we are both from the planet earth. And as such we have more in common than we have different.

The book starts off with a section “The Mind-Set of a Man” and this is probably the best section of the book because it’s tells women exactly what’s important to men. I really think he nailed it when he described the drives of men as searching for a purpose and finding a path to realising that purpose. David Deida’s The Way of the Superior Man is the bible in this department and Harvey just points in that direction – remember, this is a book for women, not men! Another good analogy he captures is the way men see love differently from women. The Three P’s of Love – Profess, Provide and Protect are pretty accurate in a generalised sense. The idea that men need support, loyalty and the cookie (i.e. sex) is perhaps an oversimplification of the male needs. Harvey omits important considerations like male-bonding, father-son relationships, and so forth. After all this is what men need from women only.

The next section is aptly titled, “Why Men Do What They Do” and begins to unravel the foundation built in the previous section. Yes, it’s true that men first thing about sex before wanting a relationship. This is one of the most obvious facts and you don’t need to be an expert on evolutionary psychology to figure this out. Perhaps there are to many mamma’s boy in the world, but guess what there’s also too many single mother’s in the world. And teenage pregnancy is easily at an all time high in the history of the world – no seriously who’s to blame for this? Everyone – both men and women. Movements like Feminism has gone caused society to go from one extreme to another in the last 50 years. So it’s no coincidence we have what we have. Harvey’s ideas on cheating are sound and books like The Mating Mind and Sperm Wars go into much more depth for the curious at heart.

So what comes next? A section called “The Playbook” which is with everything from mature advice to childish games like the 90-day rule. Here’s where I really believe Harvey does not tell women what they are letting themselves in for when they begin playing these mind games. Harvey concludes almost grandly that men are trading money – cash – in exchange for female companionship. Well if I never…this is starting to sound like a really sophisticated guide to 21st century prostitution. Here’s how women pay men according to Harvey by hugging, kissing, women getting dressed up, going out with men, and lets not forget, sending explicit emails. Now you wonder why the porn business has exploded since the rise of the Internet? Maybe men are just sick and tired of these games. Women are supposedly objectified by media like Playboy and other magazines. So how come women play into this trap – this very game which modern day relationships and social dynamics between men and women are supposed to be without.

Much better books include: Why Men Love Bitches, The Secret Psychology of How We Fall In Love and How To Make Every Man Want You. This book is mostly likely aimed at divorced women or single mothers with all the talk of baby-momma’s and introducing children to men you’re dating. I’m not sure what sections co-author Denise Millner, wrote so it’s hard to say what was Steve’s ideas and hers. Its more likely she was the ghost writer of the book based on conversation with Mr Harvey.


The Fairy Godmother's Guide To Getting What You Want

The Fairy Godmother's Guide To Getting What You Want by Donna McCallumThe title of this book is so delicious I didn’t bother coming up with a different title for this blog post. I’ve know Donna McCallum for some time now and we’ve both been to each other’s workshops. This was actually one of the best lines for me at her book launch party because the reaction I got from the other guests were awe and surprise. Who is this guy who Donna went to for advice 😉 After all she’s the fairy godmother, and she makes your dreams come true. Well at one point I felt that describing myself as a blogger or trainer of bloggers will spoil the social interaction. After how many bloggers are nerds or geeks with no social skills? Plenty.

So who is the Fairy Godmother? Well Donna McCallum is a former advertising guru turned human potential guru. Maybe that’s taking it too far. However, Donna has an excellent grasp of the principles behind movies like The Secret and the works of people like Dr John Demartini and his mentor Dr Wayne Dyer. She makes the idea of manifesting your dream fun and exciting. And she has very practical strategies by which this is achieved.

Some time ago I was invited to attend her Dream Mapping workshop with a view of me writing a review on this as I had done so for Dr Demartini’s Speed Reading and Breakthrough Experience workshops. Anyway I never got around to writing that review. However, the success of the Fairy Godmother’s book launch is the simply the best book launch I have ever attended. The location was the amazing Zenatude restaurant / conference centre in Rivonia. And the team of people who were hosting the event and supporting Donna was simply outstanding. You could feel her personal magical fairy dust was sprinkled all around the venue. The people were all friendly and inspired by their experiences with Donna, or their friends who dragged them along to meet Donna.

Continue reading “The Fairy Godmother's Guide To Getting What You Want”


OpenLab Linux vs Edubuntu

AJ Venter, Silent Coder, linux hackerHere’s some very interesting background to the educational platforms based on the Linux operating system by AJ Venter,  a hacker programmer who is very passionate about open source developments. It was posted in response to the article Thin client OpenLab Linux 3.2 released on Tectonic, the biggest open source news publication in Africa. This comment is re-published with his permission…

OpenLab never finished the 4.Z release after the lead developer resigned *cough* *cough* :p

The biggest major differences back then were:
1) OpenLab was locally developed.
2) Edubuntu was based on Ubuntu which is based on Debian. OpenLab was based on Slackware.
3) OpenLab’s educational content suite had 3 times as many apps and about 400 times as much actual content included (the suite came on a DVD-set which when installed grew to nearly 35gb of content)
4) Edubuntu had big money, OpenLab relied on a few customization projects to fund development.
5) In it’s day, OpenLab had the best hardware detection of any distro on the market (as vouched for by independent reviewers), on some systems it would get resolutions of 1600×1200 on the same hardware where Ubuntu 5.10 (then current) only got 800×600.
6) OpenLab had invested a massive amount of code in a complete admin suite with powerful features for teachers, such as bulk creation/deletion of users and had very powerful admin utilities for thin-clients. It was also the first system to offer thin-client support with local-device and sound support working out of the box.

But crucially, OpenLab did not ultimately survive. The people behind it all moved on to other projects. Karl Fischer is now the OpenSource head at the DTI, Denis Brandjes runs a popular cybercafe in Benoni, Uwe Thiem passed away recently (this is not so widely known but he was a major contributor to OpenLab) and myself started my own FOSS development company that creates clustering systems and cybercafe management software. (I also have a dayjob to suplement my income but that’s less exciting).

So that is the story today. I don’t normally talk about it much but the question was asked so here it is from the horse’s mouth. OpenLab was really cool in it’s day, it was an amazing project that was really great to work with, in it’s day 95% of the schools in Namibia had OpenLab powered classrooms, but the world changes and people change and the OpenLab project ultimately did not survive.

I would say the biggest single problem that plagued OpenLab throughout was that it’s target audience was young children, it was really good at that audience, but there is a problem with targetting that: the people who use it are NGO workers, teachers and children – there is a massive shortage of technically skilled people. So while OL had grown a very devoted user-community, it never really managed to grow a developer community and when the original developers moved on, there wasn’t anybody who could take over.

Myself and Uwe had a meeting last year with SNNA to discuss the possibility of reviving it in a new form with a much more open development plan that would try to fix that, some political issues delayed the project and then Uwe passed away so I guess the last hope for an OpenLab legacy went with him because I do not feel up to doing it by myself. I did it for 6 years and I know how hard it is. I chose instead to take over his position in the KDE community and keep that part of his legacy alive.

The good news is that OpenLab does survive in a way, a lot of what OpenLab pioneered have become standard features in many other distros – PCLinuxOS was one of the first, and more recent versions of Ubuntu have included many of our ideas (they may not have gotten it straight from us of course, as many other distros had it before them). None of these distro’s used our code, since the code is specific to the distro, but many of them did copy our designs and ideas (we created the first distro that shipped on a LiveCD by default and isntalled with one, and used the abilities of a livecd to ensure things like hardware worked perfectly, Ubuntu at the time had a livecd but it could not be installed and you needed another CD to install, this was the state of pretty much all other distro’s – that’s the most obvious but not the only example).

As for OpenLab code, only one project remains that is actively based on a piece of OpenLab code, that project is BW64Installer, which was based on the old OpenLab LiveCD installer. I created it for the Bluewhite64 distro and it’s now the default installer on that, it has become quite popular with other slackware like distro’s and has been added as an option on several others including darkstarlinux and blackdog64..

So that’s the whole story and then some 🙂

A.J. Venter


CSSA Event – The Dangers of Children Using the Internet and Other Technologies

Computer Society SouthAfricaIn a perfect world, the Internet would automatically shield children from contact with questionable content and dangerous people. Unfortunately, nobody exercises complete control over the online world in any centralized manner. What is considered illegal in one country may not even be considered an issue in another. This danger has been extended to free-for-all mobile IM chatrooms without moderation or age restrictions. How do we as parents, educators and IT Professionals equip ourselves for this crisis. How do we identify and deal with problems before our children are exposed to dangerous situations.

The Panel:

Adrie Stander is a Senior Lecturer in the Department of Information Systems at the University of Cape Town since 1999. He has more than 30 years experience in the computer industry and has done research in many diverse areas such as the psychological aspects of computer use and data communications. He is currently responsible for the first computer forensics course to be offered by a South African university.

Naomi van Wyk is a Clinical Psychologist and works in the field of parent education. She runs a private practice in Stellenbosch and presents workshops to parents and teachers on the prevention of child sexual abuse. She has written a book about the subject which is soon to be published called Safe and Sure.

Pieter Nel started dabbling with software and electronics as a teenager in the mid-eighties. After postgraduate studies, he spent a number of years with Flextronics Design working on projects for companies such as Intel and Thales before joining MXit’s original mother-ship, Swist, where he managed software projects for the local mobile operators. He joined MXit in May 2008 as Chief Technology Officer and life began in earnest.

The presentations will be followed by a Q&A session.

Who should attend?

This presentation will be of value to educators, parents and all concerned Professionals in the ICT sector.

Date: 20 August 2009

Time: 15:00 sharp to end 18:30

Venue: The Nassau Centre, Groote Schuur High School, 76 Palmyra Rd, Newlands (map will be provided on booking)

Parking: Available on grounds

Cost: R30.00 per person; R20.00 Groote Schuur School staff. BOOKING IS ESSENTIAL.

The Q & A. will be followed by an opportunity to network. Light refreshments will be provided.

To Book: or Lilian at (021) 447-8450

By: 18 August 2009 This event has been kindly sponsored by PANDA


TEDx: Banishing the Mundane from the Center of Accra

EDx: Banishing the Mundane from the Center of Accra

TEDxSYPALA – Trials, Tribulations & TRIUMPH

We just successfully completed West Africa’s first TEDx event. (more images and videos to be uploaded over next couple of days).

It was embedded into IMANI’s ( annual SYPALA program which brings rising young professionals from across the West African sub-region to stay at TEDster Patrick Awuah’s university, Ashesi, for a week. TEDx crew was extremely grateful to IMANI and Executive Director Franklin Cudjoe for their tireless support and encouragement.

At SYPALA this year, IMANI also launched a prize named after Guido Sohne, the quintessential Ghanaian-born genius who has hired by Microsoft to develop an African strategy for them last year. Guido unfortunately passed away before his dream of uniting the proprietary and open-source software worlds could be realized. This year’s Sohne Prize was sponsored by IPMC Ghana ( and Tropical Business Solutions, and was won by Theophilus Acheampong, a Chemical Engineer by training, and a deep-thinking, all-round, star performer by practice.

SYPALA had the honour of hosting several amazing speakers, including the first African in 850 years to become a tenured professor at Cambridge University, and the musical rebel who dared a sitting President on live television. But this post is about TEDxSypala, not SYPALAJ

TEDxSypala was held at the fabulous Coconut Grove Regency hotel (, nestling tranquilly in the pulsating historic center of Accra city.

Speakers ranged from a Ghanaian-born financial guru who served on one of the Clinton transition teams to an amazing young Ghanaian Designer who thrilled the crowd with his incisive insight into the developmental context of design (blending as he did artistic opinions about the redenomination of national currencies with deadpan observations on the travails of fair-trade branding).

There was also the dude building what is probably West Africa’s only Technology Park dedicated to SMEs, and, of course, TEDster Patrick Awuah was there to inspire us with a new talk about “what’s next for Ashesi”. The opening Speaker, Dr. Anyimadu, formerly of Ghana’s Legon Ivory Tower, set his talk against the background of the Thomas Fynn collection, and with irresistible panache sent us all on a mind-bending trip into the digital consciousness of fisherfolks along Ghana’s soon-to-become oil belt.

Bernard Akoi-Jackson, who we were honoured to have as the event’s impresario, has carved a niche for himself as the conceptual artist who transformed elite perceptions about the artistic possibilities ensconced in the interstices of Ghana’s best known psychiatric institution. For his TEDx performance, he strove to take the German composer Wagner to trial by distending the composer’s chords around the Ashanti trance-dance, the Akom. The Akom is a rebellion against any notion of natural order, and is the mainstay in the repertoire of the official sorcerers of the ancient and extant Ashanti Kingdom. It is not a dance to be performed lightly, even if the motive is as high as cutting Wagner down to size.

Planning and organizing a TEDx event gives you a much better appreciation of what the TED crew manages year in and year out to deliver at Monterrey, and now Long Beach ( That delivery, not even to mention the much eulogized talks, is itself worthy of cataloguing as one of the unsung wonders of this age.

We set up our audio-visual equipment overnight and begun testing a full 3 hours before the event. Yet, true to Murphy’s Law, we still had to contend with a hitch that saw us start 30 minutes after the advertised time. Though some performances called for lights-out, the TV crew (including our own professional videographers) would have none of it. Apparently, no one had informed them of the need to bring directional lights. The lapel mikes malfunctioned and speakers had to endure the unTEDlike ordeal of using hand-mikes. Even Africa-renowned Atukwei Okai (, revered for his devotion to the ideal of poetry as spectacle, was forced to wrap his lyrical fingers around the shapeless gadget, and restrict his gesticulations accordingly, very much to his consternation, as you would imagine.J

We managed to deliver TEDx to our participants and the general public and post TEDx evaluations revealed the need for a much better organization should we decide to have our future SYPALA participants and the general public go through the experience.

Still it was a day to remember: for nearly 10 hours we attempted to “banish the mundane” and stayed immersed in a world where ideas can terrify, and soothe; fortify, and melt; disrupt, and heal; and we emerged reformed from banality, and, on that account, TRIUMPHANT.

On behalf of: Remy Edmundson – Producer

Chris Kweku Benett – Production Assistant

Bright B. Simons – Curator &

Bernard Akoi-Jackson – Impresario