Move magazine interview about other women

Recently I was asked to answer some questions for Move magazine. I normally wait until after they go to print before publishing it on my own blog.

That other women

Question – I met this guy last year in May we started dating in June. The problem started when his ex- girl friend phoned him and yelled at me saying crazy things. one day I was at the guy’s place and when I got there she came and wanted to start a fight with me and when I asked the guy about her he said she just a crazy woman because she even sends his parents sms’s saying stupid things she even calls every day but when she calls she just keeps quiet. Now what I want to know is will she ever get used to the fact that it’s over between them because she has even started threatening the guy.

I love this guy but this woman is making things difficult for both of us, I am even thinking of leaving this guy because of all this. What should I do?

* Nozipho *

RT: Ask you boyfriend to talk to her for the last time. And if she refuses to stop help him get a police interdict because she is harassing both you. Give him 30 days to sort this out and if he does not act on it, leave. You deserve better. I know this may sound harsh but people never take you seriously if you say you do something, and do not follow through with it. This is not a threat to him because you simply want him to show that he is a man and take charge of the situation, which has gotten way out of hand.

Haunted by the past

Question – I am 26 year old lady and when I was 17 I dated this guy who impregnated me we agreed that I was going to have an abortion and his mother helped us to do the abortion .now we are no longer together and I am left with the regret that I can’t solve alone, I had never told anyone about this not even my family. I am haunted by this I want to tell my mother but she is very sick to hear something like that. How can I work this out?

* Anonymous *

There is one method, scientifically proven, for restoring balance to your emotions regarding the abortion I recommend: The Demartini Method. Please read the book, The Breakthrough Experience by Dr John Demartini or go one of his seminars in Cape Town or Johannesburg.

Is Christianity against porn?

*Are Christians allowed to watch porn? I am 23 years and still a virgin and I am not planning to sleep with anyone till I’m married. is it wrong to watch porn.

* Luyanda *

No it is not wrong to watch porn just like it is not wrong to watch violence in a movie. However, both has negative emotional or traumatic consequences if you overindulge. What I mean is that it is always the extreme of doing things when they overwhelm you. The sad truth is that Christianity like most religions has made this beautiful thing sex into something bad, dirty and cursed. You parents had sex and the love they shared was born in you. Remember that.

Ramon Thomas is South Africa’s #1 Dating Coach.

 

Author: RJ Thomas

RJ Thomas is an International Relationship Builder. He was born in South Africa, and moved to China in 2013.

  • Iam 28 years lady i was in my realationship for 6 months with a lovely guy,he was married for three months before i meet him.he was dating his wife for 12 years and they also had a girl she is 8 years now ,the pproblem started when his ex wife show the interest to him when he is visiting his girl. and they start to talk the same language
    he came back to me and tell me if has night dreams of his wife and his child crying if they must come togethe again
    he told me if he is going to do this for the future of his daughter is it true

     
  • Noxy what do you want me to say because there is nothing you can say or do to change his mind. Stop trying to change other people. Focus on changing yourself because you have attracted a man like this to your life. So you must focus on selecting a better quality man. Leave him be with his wife and baby because the baby needs him more than you do.

     
  • moeketsi

    hi! i was involved with someone for 8 months and i really messed up,started cheating and drinking alot and now that she left me, i can’t stop thinking about her…AND I MISS HER A LOT! the worse part is she changed her cellphone number.

    PLEASE HELP!
    084 6054 016

     
  • Moeketsi how pathetic are you? Maybe you are hoping some desperate housewife will call you after reading your sob story on this blog? Well it ain’t going to happen any time soon. Grow up. Take charge of your life and move on. Stop calling her and stop drinking for God’s sake! You need to take control your own life before you try find a new girlfriend.

     
  • Hi,I met this guy six months ago,three months into the relationship ,he disappeared,no calling even sms. When I tried to call him ,he was very busy for me. Now I have made a decision to move on with my life(since he was too busy to take my calls, I sent him an sms to notify him of)after two months of silence,he’s sending me emails,sms telling me how much he loves me. Honestly I resent him for taking me for a fool. How do send a message acroos,if he’s pretending not to get the message.

     
  • Anonymous learn to close to the door behind you before opening the door in front of you. What I mean with this analogy is that you need to completely end the relationship by ending the contacting. Avoid responding to his messages and drop all his calls. If he persists after another month consider a restraining order or call his parents. I have a zero tolerance policy when it comes to moving on after break-ups. And I teach all my girlfriends to do the same with me.

    As soon as you give in my answering their calls or replying to an SMS or email, you are telling them to read between the lines, that you are available and open to their contact.

     
  • Lorraine

    Hi moeketsi,i like what that girl did to u.because u are pathetic.u deserve it.u are womanizer who does not care about the other peoples feelings only boozing.go on cheating man u will get what u want.i do not know what u want from the other girls because what they have what she has.grow up big brother.

     
  • Anonymous

    I met a guy May last year and we started dating in July. I love him but my problem is he does not have enough time for me. He is always busy & i just wanted to tell him that it rather be over between me and him. He used to phone the whole day now he cuts the calls. I wanted to move on with my life as it is so precious and dont want to waste my time on something that won’t work it out for me. Please advise

     
  • Johannes

    I am disappointed by Ramon Thomas’s ignorance of Christian values. Our colonial culture has inherited the archaic English *Victorian* values (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Victorian_morality), which influenced the “Christian” West. Sex is and has always been considered as sacred and holy union between two image bearers of God, therefore something to be properly valued and protected – not cheapened.

    Sex is just a biological fact of life – it’s how you *view* and *treat* people that can be ugly or beautiful.

    But porn is addictive, and like any addiction physically changes the neural pathways in your mind. Watching it is not by itself good or bad, but something with the potential to brainwash you should make you think very carefully about it.

     
  • Thabo

    Hi

    My girlfriend and I have been datin for two years. She once told me story about a friend of hers she slept with while she was still dating her boyfriend (at the time), in other words she cheated on her boyfriend with this guy. My problem is she is still in contact with this friend of hers even till this day. I have communicated to her that I’m not comfortable with this whole thing, but she tells me nothing will ever happen and she regrets what she did back then.
    Its not that I don’t trust her, but nothing is stoping her from sleeping with him again if she wants to. We have a baby now and that wont stop her because she has a baby with her ex-boyfriend as well and still slept with him. I don’t know how to handle this situation anymore.

     
    • Thabo how the hell did you get this woman pregnant knowing she has a child from another man? Don’t you know about condoms and other forms of birth control?

      Anyway she has a vice grip on you because of the guilt that goes with making her pregnant. However, if you want to maintain your sanity you need to give her an ultimatum: Either she breaks all contact with this guy or you leave. And when you say this you have to mean it. The stress and anxiety that will come with you staying in this relationship over the long term will be detrimental to your own personal happiness. And if you think about it this way, when you are unhappy how can you make her or any other woman happy for that matter. So think about yourself and ask your if you want to be in this situation in 5 years time. Unless you confront her on your feelings she will never know how serious an issue it is for you. And remember she did not marry the ex-boyfriend so there is no rules or conditions that should force you to get married to her.

       
  • FK

    Hi

    Am in a serious relationship of 2years and couples of months.

    I had a sex partner before i met this sweet girl who is my life partner.never had any trust with this Sex Partner and we had to break up.

    Then i committed myself to this life partner current,she fell pregnant and lost our twins.This year which is 2009 the sex partner claims that she has a child with me,i then told my partner about the whole story.She asked me whether am sure or not about the child,i said to her you know i grew without my father then how can i deny the child.She insisted on us doing the paternity test.

    At later stage the tests came back negative the child is not mine.Before the child story there is a person who’s busy sending nasty sms about my current girl.We fought about those sms.

    I need an advise as me & my partner havent seen each other for months,i miss her a lot as we were attached to each other.Told about the child that she’s not mine.She told me that she wants to pay a revenge.Plis help in love with my partner.

    Now she’s avoiding me big time,consulted the elders but nothing positive.

    Please help me i dont want lose her,am struggling to live without her.Both of us know that we love each other.

     
  • Tumelo

    Hi

    I know God has blessed me with this woman that i’m with.She is beautiful inside and out,a loving mother to our daughter,friend,soulmate and a great companion.My problem is,i have once cheated on her and she has forgiven me,it was a year and few months ago.My concern is,i just can’t stop regretting for what i have done,most of the time when i look at her i feel like burting into tears.She has been nothing but a good partner to me,loyal and loving.Its really tearing my soul apart.

     
  • Tumelo your situation is not unique. Both men and women cheat from time to time. And society programs us to feel a tremendous amount of guilt over this action. And this is for a good reason – bonding with the mother of the child is important for the long term safety and time need to raise your child. What I recommend you do is something unusual I learned from Dr John Demartini, which is making a list of all the benefits you received from this action you have taken. I’m sure you can easily list 100 reason why its bad. So the purpose of this exercise is to balance your perception. After a while you will begin to realise that the action was neither good nor bad, its simply how we have been taught to label these events. No don’t get me wrong, your girlfriend will not see any good in this. However, its already clear to me you have begun to value her more than before. And you understand the importance of being loyal and being a good parter. Please do this exercise and give me some feedback in the next few weeks.

     
  • petrina lauesi

    am young lady age 24 , I enter relationship with a partner knowing that he was dating already , I want to end this relationship but I don’t knw how to start. am tired of being the other one