March 10th, 2008 — Relationships
Recently a question the following question was posted on the Bruin-ou.com forum: Should we as individuals be concerned about those ringing and in many cases “vibrating” cellphones of our girlfriends/boyfriends which we never get to see?
Here’s my response…Besides being a part-time dating coach I speak across South Africa to parents, teachers and teenagers about the pro’s and con’s of MXit/Cellphones and Facebook/Social Networking websites.
Popularity: 95% [?]
February 28th, 2008 — Podcasts
The last few weeks I have spent travelling on the road. Firstly doing a series of talks for Pannar Seed International in Delmas and Klerksdorp and last week to Nelspruit in Mpumalanga. I felt really silly about that trip because I didn’t know they had an airport in Nelspruit and so I ended up driving over 330kms from Johannesburg. This kind of driving is really good time for contemplating your life and the direction it takes or the challenges you are facing.
Anyway one of the joy’s in my life is discovering amazing new podcasts from time to time. One of? these is called Living Dialogues hosted by Duncan Campbell. These podcasts are extremely provocative in the selection of guests and the manner in which the interviews or discussions take place. The guests are people who the mainstream science would consider to be on the fringe. Certainly many of them are unknown to me and I am listening to the familiar names slowly but surely. There are multiple dialogues because the interviews tend to be broken up into segments less then 30 minutes in duration.
Here’s some of my favourite dialogues:
If you found any of these dialogues fascinating I’d love to hear your comments…
Popularity: 76% [?]
February 19th, 2008 — Romance
David DeAngelo, an American dating coach has a famous saying online, ?Attraction isn’t a choice.? Those words in fact became the title of the 2nd ebook he published after the hugely successful Double Your Dating. Both of these books were the starting point for what has turned into my life purpose, improving my own dating life, and in turn helping others improve their dating and relationships.
Let’s starts by giving attraction a definition: the force that brings people together. Repulsion is what pushes people away. Thinking about magnets you realise how opposites attract and similarities push apart. However, in human relationships you’ll notice that in the short term opposites may indeed spark attraction but its people who have more similarities who are the ones who stay together over the longer term. Someone once told me friendships last longer than most marriages. That is a certain ring of truth to that even without any supporting evidence in the 21st century.
What makes one person more attractive over another person? This is a mystery because philosophers and poets have written about it for thousands of years. And recently many scientists have contributed to the parade. Dr Paul Dobransky defines Attractiveness or Power as positive emotional energy and mature boundary function. In physics power or energy is the amount of work that can be done in a particular length of time. The more potent you are is a core metaphor for masculine power. It’s this potency men advertise to women that creates attraction without using any words or deeds. A woman notices a man, and says to her friend, “I don’t know what it about him…” referring to her initial experience of the masculine energy.
Self-esteem or self-worth is directly linked to attraction. The more self-worth, the higher your self-esteem, the more attractive you are to people. Again from Dr Paul, self-esteem is made up of confidence and well-being. Confidence is what you get from transforming your anxiety into courage. And as you look deeper into this you’ll realise removing uncertainty has the same effect. Well-being is more of a motherly energy. You have enough money, enough friends ? your needs is are met - enough peace, enough vacation. Mature adults need to learn to father themselves through courage and mother themselves through what’s called assertiveness. If you don’t have well-being you take anger you feel and you use it in the form of assertiveness. Assertiveness is defined as going out and getting what you need. Again the more assertive, the more attractive.
Popularity: 76% [?]
February 14th, 2008 — Advice
This post is a continuation of ideas I started exploring from Osho’s Love, Freedom and Aloneness book…
There is an belief that it’s better to give then to receive, it’s better to sacrifice yourself for the good of others, your country, your family or your children. Osho says this is a lie, a blatant lie. The priests and the politicians have held against you from the beginning of time. Even the Oracle at Delphi saying, ?Know Thyself? got it wrong because how can you even begin to know yourself if you do not love yourself? Dr John Gray said in the movie, The Secret, you have to give more to yourself, so that you can begin to overflow, and then you share with others.
When you do not love yourself it’s nothing more than avoiding yourself. Everything you do, watching television, listening to the radio, socialising, working, lovemaking, is all escaping from yourself. So how do you begin to get in touch with that part of you that you have been denying or ignoring? One way is to bring to the conscious mind those good things that you know others see in you, and you see in yourself from time to time. Do the following exercise and share the results with me by posting a comment below.
Popularity: 71% [?]
February 11th, 2008 — Dating
There was a young man called Ramon
who was tired of being alone.
Imagine his stress
when a man in a dress
blew him kisses and followed him home.
How many of you have encountered a man dressed up like a woman? Aha! Fortunately it’s only happened once in my life ? so far.
A few years ago I attended the first ever speed dating event held in South Africa in Melrose Arch. I read on a website that an SABC3 was going to record the evening’s events. So I jumped at the opportunity to be on tv ? I mean after all who does not want to be on tv? Normally I don’t do skydiving or bungee jumping but doing this was a very big thrill for me.
How speed dating works is as follows: you normally have 10 guys and 10 girls. The girls sit down on tables and the guys rotate after 5 minutes so they are guaranteed to meet all the woman ? as you know this does not always happen in a bar.
Anyway I moved around on a few dates and low and behold I faced the Baroness. The camera crew swooped in to capture the moment. As I sat down and she/he extended her hand, ?Well, well, well… aren’t you a handsome fellow…? Why thank you was my quick reply. ?Tell me…Ramon…where would we go on a first date..,? was her next question. This is where I had to think really, really fast. ?Oh maybe we’d go on a picnic, so we have lots of time to talk and get to know each other.? Those 5 minutes felt like an eternity with the Baroness.
My next speed dating event was a huge improvement. Popular Johannesburg radio station 94.7 Highveld Stereo ran a special competition for Valentine’s Day 2005, which turned out to be the biggest speed dating event ever. We had over 50 people and you could smell the excitement in the air. Because of the amount of people we were split into two groups, and Fastdate, hosted the function. This lead to use being split up into two groups. Now as I entered the building going upstairs where the event was taking place. I was followed by a gorgeous girl with a big smile. She had a certain energy about her, a girly, bubbly type, which so many women over 30 seem to loose. As we reached the 2nd floor, a table full of small champagne bottles waited for us. I grabbed mine without a straw as usual. This girl, Lauren, took hers and innocently placed the straw in hers. The gas in the champagne reacted and almost like a volcano this thing erupted….”Oops! I did it again”, Was the expression on her face and she giggled her shy hello. We hit it off later on and I left the venue with a kiss and a her cellphone number tucked safely in my back pocket. So in fact I broke the rules, because I didn’t bother completing the speed dating forms, evaluating all the other women.
If you’re keen on trying speed dating start by download my speed dating ebook, The ABC of Speed Dating.
Popularity: 60% [?]
February 9th, 2008 — Dating
Recently I was out at the Mall of Rosebank and I was doing some shopping. My approach skills have been slack because in 2007 I was in two long term relationships. So I’ve been going out more often to brush up on my pickup skills. One of my strategies has always been to go to clothing stores and find a sexy girl to help me decide what clothes to purchase.
Sometimes there just isn’t any attractive women or more specifically the women who are working in the retail stores are just plain average. But if you look around you’ll find the niche locations where the hotties be found. So I was in Truworths and headed over to the cosmetic section. You’ll notice in the cosmetic section there can be either female clients or female employees. I noticed a tall, sexy girl who was dangling over the checkout counter and called her over. Another less attractive woman had approached me to help me and I sent her packing and chose the HB.I flirted with her from the get go. And I also touched her, getting her to touch me back as I sampled the new Light Blue Dolce&Gabanna. Asking her the following line, I learned from Ross Jeffries, was the clincher, “Have you ever met a guy in a place like this you thought was just fascinating?” And she responded, yes. What this question does is allows her mind to go back into her memory and begin to think of what meeting a fascinating guy feels like. I then touched her wrist to anchor that feeling to myself. This was a little judo trick to create instant attraction with a woman you’ve just met.
Now just before I left I said to her, “I’m hosting an Anti-Valentine’s day party on 14 Feb and I’d love you to join me…” next I wrote down my name and cellphone number and left it with her. I didn’t even say goodbye and just left. About 15 mins later I was still walking around other parts of Rosebank, Johannesburg, and received a call on my cell. Answer in high spirits it turned out to be this woman, from Truworths, just letting me know this is her number and that I should have an awesome day.
So in summary what I did was I linked the feeling of fascination in her mind to me, and I then proceed to ask her out to join me at a party. We’ve spoken since and she’s keen to meet before the Anti-Valentine’s Day party. The key thing to remember about asking woman out is NOT to drag it out. Forget getting her phone number and calling later. Suggest meeting immediately (going for a drink) or later the same day and leave your cellphone number with her. You cut to the chase when she calls because its undeniable interest. We’re all very, very busy these days so there’s no time to waste and drag out the dating process.
Popularity: 67% [?]
February 2nd, 2008 — Music
A song that’s been mulling in my head since I first heard it is Bleeding Love by Leona Lewis. Maybe I’m late to the party but I don’t get very excited about new music these days…However this single and the singer is absolutely stunning. There’s something deeply provocative about it and that’s in fact the clincher. You can buy her album from Kalahari.net or Amazon.com
FJ Shark once wrote about why following the advice from love songs is a bad idea for men. And how the love songs that women sing usually describe a failed relationship (think sinking ship). He says the guys they want to keep around just doesn’t put enough into the relationship and now she’s “bleeding love” because she’s investing so much with little or no return. When you read the lyrics of Bleeding Love you become instantly aware of how she puts herself down and puts this dream guy on a pedestal. So the song in itself is a typical example of misguided belief on how someone else, outside of your control, is supposed to make your life better “in this world of loneliness.” STOP that!
On a side note Leona Lewis is multiracial. Her father is a Guyanese Afro-Caribbean youth worker, and her mother is a social worker of Anglo-Welsh descent. She is also of Italian and Irish descent on her mother’s side. What an interesting mix and this likens her to Mariah Carey, famously multiracial, in more ways than just their music. Now it could just be a coincidence but the video below starts out with a black guy being thrown out by his white/blond girlfriend. He moves onto another white/brunette women, who’s latino boyfriend eventually walks on them. Why the black guy with the two white women I wonder? Yep, it could just be a sign of the times or fabricated subliminal messages of what is acceptable sent to you by the Merchants of Cool.
Anyway enjoy the song for what it is here…
Popularity: 37% [?]
January 31st, 2008 — Body Language
This is a summary from an excellent video by Richard Bandler, the co-creator of Neuro Lingustic Programming and Anne Teachworth, author of Why We Pick The Mates We Do.
This is a video from a seminar in the 1980s and Richard Bandler is witty, charming while demonstrating profoundly simply ways to create deep connections with the opposite effect. I had not heard of Anne Teachworth before watching this video and since discovering her I’ve added her book, Why We Pick The Mates We Do, to my wishlist.
One of the core aspects of NLP is the frame (of mind) which in the case of patterns of flirting says it is unkind to let someone sit on the other side of the room without getting the opportunity of meeting you. There’s two steps to change: the inside and the outside. In fact its my core belief going forward that once you take care of the inside, the outside begins to take care of itself.
He who hesitates waits. Wait until the women is in a great mood and touch her on her arm, close to her elbow, squeeze slightly. This anchors those good feelings to you. Most of us inadvertently anchor bad feelings from girlfriends or wife because we touch them, in the hope of making them feel better, during an argument. Flirting is a chance to get to know someone without a commitment. All flirting is based on body asymmetry. Try to use angles for eye contact rather then direct eye contact.
The eyes is the starting point for flirting in the exterior sense because you will remember glances. When someone else is looking away, wait for them to look at you, and nod. Make sure you sit next to someone you want to get to know if you know you’re going to be in a long or whole day meeting, seminar or conference. How to take hesitation and turn it into wanton desire.
Let your eyes linger long enough for the woman to notice. Start with her eyes, work your way down till her toes, and slowly work your way up. Maybe even wet your lips at the end. Think of your eyes as a finger.
Bite the bottom lip, look down just a little bit, and up off to the side. Tilt your body at an angle. Sitting up straight does not allow you to move and create angles. For example facing forward and looking to the side, looking up and underneath.
Breath at the same rate. Listen to the tempo of the voice of the person you’re speaking to. Slow down and compliment something about them and be very specific. Comment on it, look at it and touch it. Do all this at the same time.
Every time a man kisses a woman’s hand, she never forgets. When you kiss, lift the hand up, use your other hand and lift her arm up.
Women should remember to ask for more, “Oh I love that, do that again.” Shift to using nicknames as quickly as possible. Touch them on the nose and say “hey princess” and anchors again.
Something I learned from Richard Bandler a while ago is that you learn the best when you’re having fun. So when you can create a fun flirting experience with someone from the opposite sex, you are training or teaching them, to respond with fun and flirtatious moves.
Popularity: 41% [?]
January 28th, 2008 — Events
Supercharge your dating life and reinvent yourself from the inside out with South Africa’s leading dating and attraction expert…
Love is in the air and South Africa’s “Romance Rescue Team” have announced they will be hosting the first ever Social or Single seminar on the 12 February. The perfect aphrodisiac to Valentine’s Day, guests attending the event will be treated to an evening of lively, entertaining talk by leading dating and attraction experts. Not just for the actively unmarried, the event is open to all and being held at the celebrated Preview Theatre in Bagleyston. It will start with a glass of champagne between 18h30 and 19h00.
“The first of its kind in South Africa, this event promises to be such fun,” enthuses top dating coach and SA’s answer to Hitch, Ramon Thomas. “There will be talks on every aspect of attraction including dating techniques and body language, image projection and personal style, sex, love and romance; everything you need to know to supercharge your dating life and relationships.”
Master of Ceremonies for the evening, Thomas, will also present a powerful talk on how to shift your dating life from scarcity to abundance. “Dating in the 21 century is challenging,” he maintains, “whether you want to attract more of the right kind of people into your life or transform your relationships so they deepen and last longer. So I’ll be tackling topics like how attraction really works, for both sexes, why living in a heavily populated city actually makes it more difficult to find a mate, and how changing your mind will change your life.”
Thomas will be joined on stage by Koketso Masego, founder of the BeautyLUSH image consultancy, who will be demonstrating how to find and exploit your personal sense of style by performing a ?live? image makeover. “There is a powerful, symbolic relationship between your outer appearance and your inner feelings and thoughts,” explains Masego, “and I want to show the audience how to tap into that exchange to heighten and express their attractiveness.”
Two internationally-recognised authorities on romance and relationships, Prof Helen Fisher and Dr John Demartini, will also be sharing their expertise with the audience through two highly entertaining and engaging video presentations. “Prof. Fisher will be exploring both why we love and why we cheat and Dr. Demartini will be sharing his powerful ideas on how to transform our relationships,” notes Thomas.
Guests will also stand a chance to win a complete personal ‘dating life’ makeover, valued at over R4000, in the Grand Prize Draw at the end of the evening. “One male and one female guest will each win a free attraction-consultation with Koketso and me,” explains Thomas, “but nobody will leave empty handed because we will also be giving out complimentary DVDs of the entire evening’s info-tainment.”
Brought to you in association with SMARTdate, South Africa?s leading dating agency, tickets for “Social or Single” cost R100 per person and can bookings can be made through the SMARTdate website or by calling 072 464-4253.
Notes to Editors
South Africa’s #1 Dating Coach, professional speaker and regular media commentator, Ramon Thomas is an expert on dating, attraction and romantic relationships in the 21st century. A member of the National Speakers Association and Toastmasters, Thomas is an experienced compeer available for keynote presentation and seminars.
Managed by local cinematic legend, Italo Bernicci, the celebrated Preview Theatre is available for hire as a venue and regularly presents screenings of classic movies. Located on Valerie Crescent, Bagleyston, Johannesburg.
For further information please contact Ramon Thomas directly.
Popularity: 34% [?]
January 20th, 2008 — Role Model
Most you have likely never heard of Bobby Fischer. Well lets recap why he’s an hero of mine…
Bobby Fischer is the 1st and only American to win the World Chess Champion. He has been described as having a higher IQ than Albert Einstein and even comparisons with other geniuses like Beethoven. Recognised a child prodigy he becoming the youngest American champion and Grandmaster. However, its the 1972 world title match in Reykjav?k, Iceland against Boris Spassky, for which he is always remembered. This was at the peak of the idiotic Cold War and this event is often described as the Match of the Century. Bobby Fisher demolished Spassky to become the world champion for 3 years after refusing to defend his title against Anatoly Karpov in 1975, the year I was born.
He disappeared from the public eye until 1992 when he resurfaced for a controversial rematch against Spassky, again in Iceland.
Anyway it’s not so much his genius at playing chess that has impressed me over the years. What has made a real impact on is how he rebelled against authority. He pointed the middle finger to the United States after 1992 because he went against an executive order from George HW Bush, implementing a United Nations resolution, not to engage in economic activities in Yugoslavia. Yes, he is the rebel without a cause. The David against the Goliath. The underdog in every sense of the world and completely misunderstood.There’s way to much to discuss in this matter and you can read for yourself on this Bobby Fischer fan website from Japan, which also contains many radio interviews. I must caution you that he has been accused of incoherent diatribes against a Jewish world conspiracy and the American government. However, one thing I believe completely to be true is that he was exploitation for various purpose like his name being used, without permission, in the movie Searching for Bobby Fisher, loosing his patent for the Fischer clock, now a standard item in world chess and other misfortunes.Throughout all of his eventful life Bobby had many affairs, but never married. Being the enigma that he was it seems understandable that he is and always will be the bad boy of chess. His legend will only grow after his death at age 64, the same number of squares on a chess board, in Iceland. And even if he was just half the asshole he was in chess, with women, he would inadvertently create the type of attraction we know other bad boys like Marlon Brando did. It seems like matter where he went in the world, he found woman willing and attracted to him and his Japenese partner, Miyoko Watai, who stood by him since 2000 to the end.In conclusion, like Bobby Fischer, you can be more self reliant, stop caring about other people’s opinions and being true to yourself. No matter how crazy people think he may have been, I believe he never sacrificed the freedom of being himself. Remembering Bobby Fischer…
Popularity: 47% [?]
Produced by Ramon Thomas, 2008.
This work is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial-Share Alike 2.5 South Africa License.
