I have never been married so this post is completely biased. However, I’ve been to many weddings like most people have in their lifetimes. And in 3 cases I have been best man, twice to cousins and once to a best friend from school. I’m not sure if they were engaged but I assume they were because it’s such an excepted part of the wedding rituals. Anyway I received the following email from an American lady…

I have never done this before…messaging someone I don’t know at all, but I have a question to ask you and I would be most obliged and appreciative if you could give me an answer. I am from the United States and my boyfriend is from South Africa, and he’s lived here for about 4 years now. My boyfriend and I are planning on getting married in 2 to 3 1/2 years. He says that in South Africa (he’s from JoBurg), you only get engaged 6 months to a year before getting married… that they don’t do it like they do here (in America). I just wanted to know if this was true or if this is something that’s been fed to him in order to postpone getting engaged. I thank you for your time and would truly appreciate a reply.

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Popularity: 85% [?]

US socialite Paris Hilton is currently visiting South Africa with her boyfriend, Benji Madden. She has been on the local news and some photographs have already surfaced of Paris playing with school children from the Jakaranda Kinderhuis school in Pretoria. Her boyfriend Benji Madden and his band, Good Charlotte, are to perform at My Coke Fest over the Easter weekend.

As I noticed Paris on SABC television news I wondered if there’s anyone in the world right now who is better at self-promotion than Paris Hilton? I don’t think so because she just keeps popping up. It’s almost like you cannot get away from her brazen image, not even here at the bottom tip of Africa

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Popularity: 97% [?]

One of the most popular posts I’ve written on this blog is asking the question why several successful black South African women are dating or married to white men. Now in the post-Apartheid South Africa there is no statistics about interracial marriages as their used to be. So what I’m talking about today is purely based on local observations and inferring research by economist Ray Fisman.

So here we go. In South Africa there seems to be more and more interracial couples. Since these couples are forming part of the pop culture on television soaps opera’s they can be seen as more acceptable than ever before. There are various combinations of interracial dating e.g. white man, black woman; white man, Indian woman; white man, Chinese woman; black man, white woman; black man, coloured woman; Indian man, Chinese woman, etc. My own observations does concur the findings of Ray Fisman, i.e. women have stronger preference for men from their own race, while men have little to no preference for the race of the woman they date. I do think this criteria become even more sensitive and conservative when men and women consider marriage.

I have had relationships with Black, Coloured, Indian and White women. Only the Chinese girls have eluded me so far And I have found subtle differences here and there. Overall it was better for the same reasons or worse for the same reasons. Where possible I avoid meeting family these days to avoid giving these women the wrong idea and creating any unfounded expectations. The social conditioning has made it easier for me to meet and mingle with certain groups less so that other groups. However, I have found with my mixed racial heritage I can adjust and blend pretty easily into most groups. And I always keep them guessing.

From the article, An economist solves the mysteries of dating, to find out the conclusion about interracial dating are as follows:

“Another clear gender divide, this one less expected, emerged in our findings on racial preferences, reported in a forthcoming article in the Review of Economic Studies. Women of all the races we studied revealed a strong preference for men of their own race: White women were more likely to choose white men; black women preferred black men; East Asian women preferred East Asian men; Hispanic women preferred Hispanic men. But men don’t seem to discriminate based on race when it comes to dating. A woman’s race had no effect on the men’s choices.

Two wrinkles on this: We found no evidence of the stereotype of a white male preference for East Asian women. However, we also found that East Asian women did not discriminate against white men (only against black and Hispanic men). As a result, the white man-Asian woman pairing was the most common form of interracial dating?but because of the women’s neutrality, not the men’s pronounced preference. We also found that regional differences mattered. Daters of both sexes from south of the Mason-Dixon Line revealed much stronger same-race preferences than Northern daters.”

So what about post-Apartheid interracial dating in South Africa you ask? Well it’s happening all around you but don’t look to meet someone of the opposite sex on a online dating website or at a speed dating event. All but one of over 40 dating companies in South Africa are run by white people, and for reason (maybe its the advertising) attracts mostly white people. The black market in online dating has exploded according to my own research. And it’s a face that there are very few black or non-white people attending speed dating events.

People seem to be extremely sensitive for being classified as racists but when they completely dating profiles, it’s really is their own private right to choose to exclude or include those from other races. My own experience on DatingBuzz, the largest online dating network in South Africa, has been that by far the majority of white women opt for non-negotiable on their criteria for their ideal match. And I can prove that when I meet these same women in a social setting all those hidden or unconscious psychological prejudices disappear.

Here’s another interesting article you can explore from CNN: Could Mr Right be white? And I’d love to hear your story about an interracial relationship or fling from the past, or better yet questions about how to approach someone from another race. This blog will focus more on interracial dating advice in 2008.

Popularity: 26% [?]