How to identify good and bad role models for men

There is a debate that crops up every now and then, trying to explain the behaviour of human beings. It’s called the nature vs nurture debate and speaks about how our overall behaviour patterns are determined by our genes (nature) or how we are raised by our parents (nurture). It’s clear that both play a role, but more and more of my own thinking is leaning toward nurture in a big way, especially when you consider the revolutionary work on the Biology of Belief by Dr Bruce Lipton.

The short answer is not to be divided in your thinking and your being. Your message must be clear, must be short and when in doubt, show the opposite to be wrong and ergo makes your message right. Remember, we live in a world of duality. For every wrong there is always a right, for every bad there’s always a good, for every forward there’s always a backwards.

Just a short overview of two movies that demonstrate the right and the wrong way to approach your life as a man:

1. The Groomsmen: A film written, directed and starred in by Edward Burns. I liked most of his previous films because they seemed real and down-to-earth. However, after this one, I realised how he often plays the most self-pitying characters. In many ways, he symbolises what is wrong with the modern man. And as Tom Leykis and comedian George Carlin call the continued pussification of America (and the rest of the world). And in this particular movie, he is so distracted and divided within himself. He can’t decide whether to get married or not to get married. His girlfriend is pregnant, and he feels like he needs to do the right thing. This is the worst role model I’ve seen on screen in a long while for what a confident, mature man needs to be like. Women will likely enjoy this movie more because of the cliche “happy ending.”

Thank You For Smoking: Aaron Eckhart, in this satire, is a real powerhouse because he is so raw and so authentic, it feels like a slap in the face for a wake-up call. As a tobacco lobbyist, he has one of the most notorious jobs in the world. Trying to spin the research, the complaints, the victims, the media, and still come out on top. There’s a great rapport between him and his son (who also featured in Nicole Kidman’s Birth). Nick Naylor, the main character, is a cunning linguist and more so a superb spokesman, cool, calm, collected and knows how to duck and dive the questions, giving answers or responses in a way that focuses the audience on what’s wrong with the person trying to debate with him. And he’s always able to turn things around to fit his worldview. In the seduction community, this would be called having a strong frame. The only way to survive and thrive is by having a stronger frame than the other people around you.

So the secret to success for a man is not being divided. People are easily swayed by opinions of others. And you must stand your ground and believe in yourself first before you expect other people to believe in you.