Psychologies Workshop: Dr Marlene Wasserman aka Dr Eve on Sexuality
Dr Marlene Wasserman, aka Dr Eve, was the final speaker at this excellent workshop held by Psychologies Magazine at the beautiful Groot Constantia in Cape Town. The first thing Dr Ev made us do was to get up and dance or move around a little bit to the music in the hall. She was trying to get people to get into their bodies after two very intellectually stimulating sessions. This is the fundamental problem I believe in sexuality, i.e. that people are trapped inside their heads and living with imaginary or real fantasies about their lovers instead of getting down and dirty. She focused her initial opening on relating from the “We” to the “I” in relationships. Most couples become stuck to the hip, metaphorically speaking. They cannot express their individuality, and this is almost like a death knell in a long-term relationship.
Her presentation included some terrific story telling and there were a lot of giggles all around. Remember, this is a seminar room filled with older women, and some of them are likely unhappy in their sexual relationships for various reasons. And what Dr Eve does so well is permit people to see themselves as sexual beings. One clear thing is that contentment in a relationship is a place of indifference. When the people she counsels tell her they are happy and content, she immediately becomes suspicious. To me, it could also mean they have stopped growing. And sadly, it seems that in many relationships, as the “We” becomes merged, the “I” is lost at the altar. This is part of the reason why so Valium has been consumed by women and alcohol by men.
From the 1960s, the sexual revolution started. Oral contraception emerged alongside feminism. The era of therapy and the emergence of the Me generation. Sexual and human rights form the basis of a healthy relationship, and parts of this are protected by our Constitution. Love became taken seriously as a relationship value. The quality of life is very important to relationship happiness. Viagra permitted sexual satisfaction. Same sex relationships have become accepted and even legalised in South Africa. In South Africa, there has been a lot of talk of late of prostitution or sex work being decriminalised. It has been reported that 1 in 3 women and 1 in 5 men suffer from abuse. And it turns out that HIV/STDs is a consequence of intimate relationships.
Lifestyle can increase stress, which has a direct link to sexual performance. Religion, righteousness and rigidity become solutions for the management of relationships. You must identify your core relationship values, i.e. love, monogamy, fidelity, exclusiveness, respect, trust, and honesty. There are 3 basic forms of relationships:
- Side by Side
- Joined at the Hip
- Intimate with Interdependence
What I really like about Dr Eve is how she can put people at ease when it comes to this subject matter, which is often so ridiculously complicated by society. There were so many excellent visuals in Dr Eve’s presentation, I would highly recommend anyone who has the opportunity of hearing her speak do so. You won’t regret it. Her new book, The Pillowbook, was on sale, and I didn’t hesitate to buy a copy and ask her to sign it for me. The message is truly encouraging for me because she thanked me in turn for my contributions to my online dating research. You can expect a review of it shortly. I must conclude with a recommendation of my two favourite books on sex and sexuality:
- The Secrets of Sensual Lovemaking by Tom Leonardi
- The Essential Tantra by Kenneth Ray Stubbs