From the Dalai Lama to African ICT Achievers

This past weekend I had the honour of attending a lecture by His Holiness, the 14th Dalai Lama from Tibet. The spiritual leader of Buddhism and symbol for peace. This is his 3rd visit to South Africa. The lecture took place at Vista University in Soweto. The main message I took from this lecture was to meditate on compassion. I often felt that I have not been very sincere in my actions or things I do to help other people. There has been some kind of unwritten expectation that the favour be returned. Well no more of that! I just want to be genuinely compassionate towards my fellow human beings and animals on Earth. I found the Dalai Lama to have a very good understanding of how scientifically the positive affects of meditation has been proven by medical science. He also has a sense of humour and speaks with some much humility when questioned at the end of his lecture. Afterwards me and my friends went to visit the home of Nelson Mandela in Orlando West, Soweto and the Hector Pieterson museum.

In the evening I attended the 6th annual African ICT Achievers awards. This very sophisticated event took place at the Dome in Northgate. Representing the Computer Society of South Africa I was very pleased to meet up with my cousin Lee Easton and his wonderful wife Connie. The music was fantastic. A few performances from Andrew Lloyd Webber’s Phantom of the Opera set the scene.

Key Findings of 2004 Online Dating Survey

The purpose of this survey is to understand and establish trends driving the growing Online Dating market in South Africa. This survey will allow us to discern the habits of Online Dating users as well as evaluate the different business models within this industry.

We also contrast the South African market and American markets to determine similarities and differences.

Dating is a universal phenomenon it appeals to a very broad spectrum of society and people. Irrespective of age, race, and gender, all people are interested in it at some point during their lives.

The Online Dating websites included in this survey are Couples, Dateline SA, DatingBuzz, Galaxy Singles, Love Finda, Love Mail, MyDate, MSN Match and The Positive Connection.

They Key Findings

Where do they live?

Not surprisingly most of the people who do Online Dating are in Gauteng (44%), followed by the Western Cape (19.5%), North West Province (14.6%) and KwaZulu-Natal (10.5%). A small percentage (1.25%) of the respondents was from foreign countries; although the survey was primarily aimed at South Africans. The leading cities include Johannesburg (328), Cape Town (226), Rustenberg (169) and then Durban (103).

What about Age vs. Gender?

The age profile for Online Dating is very interesting. One would almost assume more men then women do Online Dating and that is the case except that in the age group “50 or more” there is more women (6%) then men (4.9%) doing Online Dating. A telling statistic that substantiates this trend is the fact that 13.6% of all women were divorced vs. 8.9% men, which can be interpreted as women finding it more difficult to get back into a committed relationship then their male counterparts. The dominating age groups are “25-32” which is still considered young adult. The hectic pace of modern life and demands from work, social life and other commitments are making it more difficult for this group to find a suitable match and they, subsequently, will end up getting married later in life. The next two age groups “33-39” and “40-49” are almost equal and we see this as a fact that people who do online dating are serious about finding a partner. The younger age groups are, as Dr Andrew Thatcher described, “people that are doing it purely out of fun”. They are mostly students, and are experimenting with online dating more as a novelty. People in this age group would not succumb to the same pressures as the older groups e.g. they would go out more to parties, clubs, etc and therefore meeting a reasonable amount of people vs. the older, above 33 generation, who has to cope with possibly raising children, work pressures and more.

What about Ethnicity / Race?

A sad state of affairs is that the ethnicity or race profile of the online dating users in South Africa is diametrically opposite to population of the country. About 78% are Caucasian/white, followed by 11.4% African/black, 5.6% Coloured and 3.7% of Indian decent. This is not an issue that can be addressed over night, but it is related to the imbalances caused by the history of South Africa. The systematic exclusion of non-white races has led to the digital divide we have today. Other factors such as cultural prejudices also play a small role in the big discrepancy between the ethnic race groups that do online dating in South Africa.

What about Relationships?

Although most of the people that do online dating are single (45%), perhaps a not to shocking figure is that the amount of divorcees are the second largest group (22.5%), followed by people actually dating (16.6%) and married (7.4%). Now it is even more interesting that there are 3.7 times more married men then women that are doing online dating. Either these men are blatantly cheating or they are extremely bored in their current relationships. We previously mentioned 1.5 times more women (13.6%) then men (8.9%) are divorced. This has contributed to older women considering online dating as a viable alternative to the usual club/bar scene.

Online Dating is a serious business for South Africans

Almost a quarter million South Africans have used online dating services – and those who engage in it take it very seriously. This is one of the key findings in The NETucation Report: Online Dating in South Africa 2004. According to the survey conducted in June 2004 by NETucation, an independent Internet Marketing company, 67% of people using online dating services in South Africa take them seriously enough to pay for the privilege.

“People pay real money for the privilege of connecting with other prospective mates via online dating,” says Ramon Thomas, Managing Director of NETucation. “The market is worth approximately R20 million in 2004 and there are currently between 200,000 and 250,000 people who have tried online dating in South Africa.” This is still only 7.5% of the total population of Internet users and is substantially less then the 1 million online banking users reported earlier this year by World Wide Worx.

However, the findings suggest that online taking may well be one of the four big applications of the Internet, after e-mail, banking, and news.

And there is a strong indication that this market is set to challenge the big three for leadership. There are 11 substantial online dating website operating in South Africa with three launched in the last year. The most popular online dating service chosen by the respondents is DatingBuzz (63.5%), followed by MSN Match (9.7%), part of the international match.com network, and Galaxy Singles (5.6%).

About 10% of users become paying subscribers who shell out from R30 to R130 a month for the privilege of connecting with like-minded individuals.

There are several factors that are bringing online dating into the mainstream, such as people getting married at an older age, a high divorce rate, disillusionment with the bar and club scene, and people being busier then ever before.

According to Dr Andrew Thatcher, a psychologist in the School of Human and Community Development at the University of the Witwatersrand, “Online dating allows you to meet people in a safe environment; you cannot catch STD’s or HIV/AIDS through sending a message.

Says Thomas: “The leading age group is the 25 to 32 year old category, who still considers themselves young adults by modern standards. Perhaps surprisingly, about 54.5% of people are looking for companionship and friendship, not sex.”

The biggest alternatives to online dating are SMS dating and speed dating.

NETucation also conducted a website analysis of 9 participating online dating companies, using the Webagility web analysis tool from World Wide Worx. The three best-performing websites all achieved a score of 70% or more, namely DatingBuzz (70%), LoveFinda (71%) and LoveMail (71%).

“There is still much that can be done to improve the online dating experience for the average South African hoping to meet someone on the Internet,” suggests Thomas. “More marketing will certainly help to remove the stigma that people used to associate with dating via the Internet. It is clear from our survey that the average online dater is not a nerd or a lonely person. Instead, they are between 24 and 32 years old, single, having a tertiary qualification, working in IT or Finance and earning more then R10, 000 per month.”

For the most current research on Online Dating in South Africa go here.

Online dating interview with WITS psychologist Dr Andrew Thatcher

Dr Andrew Thatcher from WITS UniversityThis interview was the very first interview when I started my research into Online Dating in South Africa…

RT:What kinds of people do Online Dating?

AT: There are two sets of people that are going to be using online dating:

  1. The people that are doing it purely out of fun, for something to do and
  2. The people that want to get something out of it.

RT: What is the typical profile of a person who tries Online Dating?

AT: In terms of age the profile most likely is that: When a younger person does not take dating that seriously; there are more options available; trying different things and there are a lot more opportunities to explore other relationships.

As you get older, metaphorically and physically the clock starts to tick. There is a lot more pressure, in a social sense pressure from parents to get married, to have children and to make them grandparents and a biological sense as you get older, chances of complications during childbirth increases as well as genetic conditions that might arise- this is in terms of breeding. When older one has less life left. We will not live forever. As you get older there is less time to spend with the love of your life, the sooner you meet the love of your life the longer you are able to spend with them. Social, biological and psychological pressures are not necessarily distinct from one another; they can be related to one another. As people get older they start to take dating more seriously, as a result they will take online dating more seriously. They will try several things at the same time, from anecdotal evidence friends that have tried online dating at the same time tried speed dating using social networks, religious activities, social activities, cruising (going on cruises) tried a number of different things.

RT: What kind of stigma do you think is attached to Online Dating?

AT: Online is not seen in the same light, we evolved over 300 000 years in social structures of social contact, tribal, brotherhood and racial affinities. Human beings have evolved; online dating is one of them. Contact such as body language, face-to-face interaction and eye contact is important, that is why we are struggling with the digital age. One part of the issue is communication bandwidth; when online, there is less communication bandwidth than face-to-face interaction. You have physical contact, verbal, face to face and tone contact and a broader span of immediate feedback. The online environment uses one communication medium of text photo graphics – sending 1-3 messages a month and it takes five minutes to type out a message.

RT: How does Love at first sight fit in?

AT: Research in general has shown love at first sight happens to very few people. Most lasting relationships share something in common. Hosting a profile means sharing a profile; you are looking for someone to connect with. When online you meet people through common ground, for example educational institutions, sharing a common faith means you share that with them. The thing about love at first sight is that it is purely physical, they may look drop dead gorgeous but when you actually speak to them they have a squeaky voice which is not what you are looking for.

RT: What are the benefits of Online Dating over traditional dating?

AT: Online dating allows you to meet people in a safe environment; you cannot catch STDs or HIV/AIDS through sending a message. Sending an email does not necessarily mean that you are jumping into bed with a person. From that perspective you can sound somebody out in a relatively sober environment. There is no risk of outright rejection. You can send 2-3 messages at the same time to different people and they will not know you are flirting with someone else, you tend to be more honest, and there is no point in lying because you will be matched up with the wrong person. Opposites do not really attract, you cannot be matched with an opposite. We are approaching a more mature side of online dating; we are taking it more seriously.

RT: Does online dating make you do things quicker and faster?

AT: Within two months you will have a date, but how many of them will lead to a more meaningful relationship? There is a danger in assuming that we do things quicker and faster. It all purely depends on your technical sophistication. Online dating allows us to do it outside of normal times, you can get online at three o’clock in the morning, and it widens your scope. If you want to carry on a meaningful relationship you must make time for it. Our environment it seems has accelerated. We have to ask ourselves is the lifestyle we are living conducive to have a meaningful relationship?

RT: What is the risk of people being harassed?

AT: The main danger is the situation of minors, if you are an adult there are certain rules you should follow but not everyone does. People can manipulate the situation particularly with vulnerable groups (people with low self esteem or unstable people). Online is safer because the majority of rapes are perpetrated by people we know. Whatever message you send is electronically recorded so if you divulge personal information it is on record for people to go back to. In an online environment, you are more likely to be sober not only not taking drugs and alcohol as you might if you were at a party but also psychologically as well.

RT: Do you think the experience of online dating allows you to get to know yourself better?

AT: There is a lot of different ways in which we get to know ourselves better, being honest with ourselves, having therapy and being spiritual is some ways. As we get older we have to look at ourselves, if you do not look at yourself retrospectively it will not help us know ourselves better. If you get positive feedback it might encourage you to be more open.

Dr Andrew Thatcher is Assistant Professor of Psychology at in the School of Human and Community Development at the University of the Witwatersrand, JohannesburgRamon Thomas recommends DatingBuzz or YesNoMayb

Yes, its time to move on and keep growing

Dan Sullivan, an expert on Entrepreneurship advocates that people in the 21 Century will be forced to become multidimensional people. This essentially means that to be successfully people have to continue growing. I’ve just realized that even in relationships we must continue to grow or else it will end, one way or another; from our own choosing or not.

If couples do not continue to grow together they are doomed. Essentially we’re talking about a love that’s build on a passionate friendship. Talking from experience my failed relationships have been those who started out because of a physical attraction. Currently I’m in a relationship that has evolved from a passionate friendship. The person is very very dear to me and I would love her like a friend for the rest of my life. It just so happens we also share some physical attraction and that has turned our friendship into something more. However, I’m not concerned about one day when the physical attraction fades because the friendship will always be there.