Ever heard of Mitch Hedberg? My friend Chris van Wyk recently brought him to my attention. What an awesome comedic talent. He’s jokes are so arb you cannot help yourself laughing your ass off. In fact he comes across as someone who’s permanently high because his delivery is so laid back. It’s refreshing to have clean humour where no vulgarity is used while still being hilarious. From watching so much comedy it just seems that most stand-up comedians or movies rely on toiler humour or sex talk to get a laugh. Mitch Hedberg was something else. Sadly he passed away in 2005 just before his first HBO special.
Last night I attended the really awesome “Make Laugh Not War” show at the Nelson Mandela Theatre in Braamfontein. The cast included Riaad Moosa (MC), Joey Rasdien, Afzal Khan, Mo Magic from South Africa and international comedians Azhar Usman, Preacher Moss, Mo Amer from Allah Made Me Funny Muslim comedy tour. Riaad, a medical doctor turned comedian from Cape Town, hosted the evening. My tickets were thanks to Lester Ash from Bruin-ou.com. All I can say is that if you are even remotely interested in the Indian/Arab/Muslim/Palestinian people you are going to laugh your ass off. There are some very specific South African in-jokes with our diverse community. So you will enjoy the first set and overall the 2nd set with the international comedians were off the rockers.
* ARISTOTLE: It is the nature of chickens to cross roads.
* SADDAM HUSSEIN: This was an unprovoked act of rebellion and we were
justified in dropping 50 tons of nerve gas on it.
* MARTIN LUTHER KING, JR: … I envision a world where all chickens will be free to cross roads without having their motives being called into question.
* FREUD: The fact that you are at all concerned that the chicken crossed the road reveals your underlying sexual insecurity.
* GEORGE W. BUSH: We don’t really care why the chicken crossed the road. We just want to know if the chicken is on our side of the road or not. The chicken is either with us or it is against us. There is no middle ground here.
* DARWIN: Chickens, over great periods of time, have been naturally selected in such a way that they are now genetically disposed to cross roads.
* EINSTEIN: Whether the chicken crossed the road or the road moved beneath the chicken depends upon your frame of reference.
* BUDDHA: Asking this question denies your own chicken nature.
* RAY McCAULEY: Because the chicken was gay! Isn’t it obvious? Can’t you people see the plain truth in front of your face? The chicken was going to the “other side.” That’s what “they” call it, “the other side.? Yes, my friends, that chicken is gay. And, if you eat that chicken, you will become gay too. I say we boycott all chickens until we sort out this abomination that the liberal media whitewashes with seemingly harmless phrases like “the other side.” That chicken should not be free to cross the road. It’s as plain and simple as that.
* NELSON MANDELA: Never again, will the chicken be questioned for crossing the road. This is an ideal for which I am prepared to die.
* THABO MBEKI: We need to establish if really there is a connection between the chicken and the road.
* ROBERT MUGABE: For all of these years the road has been owned by the white farmers, the poor underprivileged chicken has waited too long for that road to be given to him and now he is crossing it in force with his fellow war veteran chickens. We intend taking over this road and giving it to the roadless chickens so that they can cross it without fear of retribution from Britain who promised money to institute road reform. We will not stop until all roadless chickens have roads to cross and the freedom to cross them.
* ISAAC NEWTON: Any chicken in the universe shall always cross a road perpendicularly to the side of the road, and in an infinitely long straight line at uniform speed, unless the chicken stops due to an unbalanced reactive force in the opposite direction of the chicken’s motion
Today I wanted to share a really fun concept with you: Zodiac Signs…
Most people take this either way to serious, as in the religious sense or they ignore it completely. Now all I can say at this point is that if you dig deep enough in the history of humanity you will find a very strong link between studies of the planets and early religions. The ancient Hindu civilisation did not distinguish between astronomy and astrology.
Anyway today I’m publishing a really fun ebook, in which you find can find many ideas for conversation topics. By the way you study your own sign if nothing else because you will learn more about yourself. Remember the Delphic Oracle saying “Know Thyself.”
You see the better you know yourself, the better you can sell yourself, and the better you can link what’s most important to you, to what’s most important to other people.
A man and his wife are in court getting a divorce. The problem is who should get custody of the child. The wife jumps up and says: “Your Honour, I brought the child into the world with pain and labour. She should be in my custody.” The judge turns to the husband and says, “What do you have to say in your defence?” The man sits for a while contemplating, then slowly rises. “Your Honour, if I place R5 in a vending machine and a Coke comes out, whose Coke is it - the machine’s or mine?”
Mbeki, Jacob Zuma, Geraldine Fraser-Moleketi and Manto Tsabalala Msimang were flying together in the President’s jet. Thabo Mbeki suddenly said: “You know what. I can throw a R500 right now out of this window and make someone happy.”
Jacob Zuma said: “I can throw five R 100 notes out of the window and I will make 5 people unbelievably happy.”
Geraldine said: “I will give government employees 7.25% salary increase and make millions happy”.
Manto said : “I will can throw ten R 50 notes out of the window and make 10 people very, very happy.”
The one pilot looks at the other and says:
“Listen to those 4 showoffs at the back… I can throw all 4 of them out of the window right now and I will make the whole country very happy!”
You may or may not have seen this clip before. Borat has certainly entered the mainstream with the hit movie from 2006. Borat in his usual casual style introduces the topic and explains in a bewildered manner how American women will not get married unless you date them first. Apparently where comes from, in Kazakhstan, you just go to the woman’s father and pay them. Sounds almost like lobola to me. The questions by the matchmaker with Borat’s responses is hilarious. One benefit from this kind of situation is that it helps you become clear about what you want, what you have to offer. The question of race is not a sensitive issue to Borat: he does not want a Jewish woman. One good piece of advice given at this stage is not to be sexually explicit in your dating profile. You want to be sensual wherever you can but never direct.
Next in dating school Borat learns that most American men bring to many gifts. This is a big no-no according the dating coach. He practices his funny chair joke on her with some uncomfortable giggles. A tip here when telling jokes never laugh before the woman you are talking to has laughed. No matter how lame your jokes - hold your breath - and the people you speak to will eventually giggle even to relieve to the tension. More about cocky comedy later. I think the most hilarious part is that Borat does the opposite of what the dating coach tells him to do. There is some value here because doing the opposite of what your mother taught you or what society expects to you to do, can sometimes have surprisingly good responses from woman. Everyone enjoys a surprise whether they admit it or not.
Eddie Murphy plays multiple characters in a his latest comedy once again. And yes it’s about fat people. Murphy plays and Norbit, a shy, introverted orphan; Rasputia, the obese, loud-mouthed, girl who saves him from the playground bullies, and whom he later on ends up marrying; as well as Mr Wong, the rude, racist Chinese owner of the orphanage where Norbit is raised.
I must agree wholeheartedly with the review on Filmthreat that Murphy seems to be getting lazy in trying to come up with new ideas. The humour is dated to say the least. The thing about Norbit, the main character, is that he is such a nice guy that he gets walked over his whole life. This means that he essentially has very low self-esteem and lacked a strong male model growing up. Mr Wong tells him a few times throughout the film that his inner strength that will one day emerge.
Thandie Newton, the hot MILF, is one of the few redeeming aspects of this movie. She plays Norbit’s childhood friend, who returns to town with her fiancée played by Cuba Gooding, Jr. This presents a challenge to Norbit that will hopefully bring him out of his shell. This movie is so far from reality of male-female dynamics in the real world, it can only happen in a Hollywood movie. In the real world a gorgeous woman like Newton will never choose a wimp like Norbit. He does practically nothing to show any grain of confidence except for a brief moment towards to the end when she almost marries her fiancée. This is certainly not a relationship that can last. Why?
Norbit is one-dimensional, predictable. He puts himself down to make her happy and even states his sole purpose for the rest of his life is to make her happy as happy as she made him. And over time this type of relationships dynamic has been shown to cause resentment in women. Women will get bored with a man like Norbit very quickly because everything he says or does will be predictable.
So what is my advice to you? Find your own path, your own purpose and focus on realising your own ambitions. When you are on this journey you become much more attractive to women and people in general. You then go about your life inviting others on the journey. And when it’s an attractive woman, you say it’ll be great if you join me, but I’m going to continue anyway.
Who is Mr Deity? Your friendly neighbourhood omnipotent, omnipresent God. This hilarious send-up by Brian Keith Dalton. This is one of those shows popping up on Youtube along with the likes of Chad Vader, that has the potential for mainstream success. In fact Brian’s goal is to turn this into a weekly sitcom and is currently negotiating with some tv networks. I really find it amazing how much wit and intelligence is these 5 minute webisodes. And without trying to explain much more about Mr Deity I include a clip of the very first one to get you started…
A woman didn’t come home one night. The next day she told her husband that she had slept over at a friend’s house. The man called his wife’s 10 best friends. None of them knew about it.
Friendship between Men:
A man didn’t come home one night. The next day he told his wife that he had slept over at a friend’s house. The woman called her husband’s 10 best friends. Eight of them confirmed that he had slept over, and two claimed that he was still there!
You may or may not have seen this clip before. 
