Not All Thieves Are Stupid

Ramon Thomas Motivational Speaker South AfricaThis gives us something to think about with all our new electronic technology.

GPS

A couple of weeks ago a friend told me that someone she knew had their car broken into while they were at a football game. Their car was parked on the green which was adjacent to the football stadium and specially allotted to football fans. Things stolen from the car included a garage door remote control, some money and a GPS which had been prominently mounted on the dashboard.

When the victims got home, they found that their house had been ransacked and just about everything worth anything had been stolen. The thieves had used the GPS to guide them to the house. They then used the garage remote control to open the garage door and gain entry to the house. The thieves knew the owners were at the football game, they knew what time the game was scheduled to finish and so they knew how much time they had to clean out the house. It would appear that they had brought a truck to empty the house of its contents.

Something to consider if you have a GPS – don’t put your home address in it.. Put a nearby address (like a store or gas station) so you can still find your way home if you need to, but no one else would know where you live if your GPS were stolen.

MOBILE PHONES

I never thought of this…….

This lady has now changed her habit of how she lists her names on her mobile phone after her handbag was stolen. Her handbag, which contained her cell phone, credit card, wallet… Etc…was stolen.

20 minutes later when she called her hubby, from a pay phone telling him what had happened, hubby says ‘I received your text asking about our Pin number and I’ve replied a little while ago.’ When they rushed down to the bank, the bank staff told them all the money was already withdrawn. The thief had actually used the stolen cell phone to text ‘hubby’ in the contact list and got hold of the pin number. Within 20 minutes he had withdrawn all the money from their bank account.

Moral of the Story

  • Do not disclose the relationship between you and the people in your contact list.
  • Avoid using names like Home, Honey, Hubby, Sweetheart, Dad, Mom, etc….
  • And very importantly, when sensitive info is being asked through texts, CONFIRM by calling back
  • Also, when you’re being texted by friends or family to meet them somewhere, be sure to call back to confirm that the message came from them. If you don’t reach them, be very careful about going places to meet ‘family and friends’ who text you.
 

Rich Dad, Poor Dad personified!

Jack, a smart businessman, talks to his son Jack: I want you to marry a girl of my choice Son : “I will choose my own bride”. Jack: “But  the girl is Bill Gates’s daughter.” Son : “Well, in that  case…” Next Jack approaches Bill Gates.

Jack: “I have a husband for your daughter.” Bill Gates : “But my daughter is too young to marry.” Jack: “But this young man is a vice-president of the World Bank.” Bill Gates : “Ah, in that  case…”
Finally Jack goes to see the president of the World Bank.

Jack: “I have a young man to be recommended as a vice-president.” President : “But I  already have more vice-presidents than I need.” Jack: “But this young man is Bill Gates’s son-in-law.” President : “Ah, in that case…..”

This is how business is done! Don’t waste your time reading Rich Dad, Poor Dad – maybe you must find yourself a rich dad not a poor dad and marry him or have yourself adopted.

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Forrest Gump goes to Heaven


The day finally arrived. Forrest Gump dies and goes to Heaven.
He is at the Pearly Gates, met by St. Peter himself. However, the gates are closed, and Forrest approaches the gatekeeper.

St. Peter said, ‘Well, Forrest, it is certainly good to see you. We have heard a lot about you. I must tell you, though, that the place is filling up fast, and we have been administering an entrance examination for everyone. The test is short, but you have to pass it before you can get into Heaven.’

Forrest responds, ‘It sure is good to be here, St. Peter, sir… But nobody ever told me about any entrance exam. I sure hope that the test ain’t too hard. Life was a big enough test as it was.’

St. Peter continued, ‘Yes, I know, Forrest, but the test is only three questions.

First: What two days of the week begin with the letter T?

Second: How many seconds are there in a year?

Third: What is God’s first name?’

Forrest leaves to think the questions over. He returns the next day and sees St. Peter, who waves him up, and says, ‘Now that you have had a chance to think the questions over, tell me your answers.’

Forrest replied, ‘Well, the first one — which two days in the week begins with the letter ‘T’? Shucks, that one is easy. That would be Today and Tomorrow.’

The Saint’s eyes opened wide and he exclaimed, ‘Forrest, that is not what I was thinking, but you do have a point, and I guess I did not specify, so I will give you credit for that answer. How about the next one?’ asked St. Peter.

‘How many seconds in a year? Now that one is harder,’ replied Forrest, ‘but I thunk and thunk about that, and I guess the only answer can be twelve..’

Astounded, St. Peter said, ‘Twelve? Twelve? Forrest, how in Heaven’s name could you come up with twelve seconds in a year?’

Forrest replied, ‘Shucks, there’s got to be twelve: January 2nd,

February 2nd, March 2nd… ‘

‘Hold it,’ interrupts St. Peter. ‘I see where you are going with this, and I see your point, though that was not quite what I had in mind… but I will have to give you credit for that one, too. Let us go on with the third and final question. Can you tell me God’s first name’?

‘Sure,’ Forrest replied, ‘it’s Andy’

‘Andy?’ exclaimed an exasperated and frustrated St Peter. ‘Ok, I can understand how you came up with your answers to my first two questions, but just how in the world did you come up with the name Andy as the first name of God?’

‘Shucks, that was the easiest one of all,’ Forrest replied. ‘I learnt it from the song,

ANDY WALKS WITH ME,
ANDY TALKS WITH ME,
ANDY TELLS ME I AM HIS OWN.’

St. Peter opened the Pearly Gates, and said: ‘Run, Forrest, run.’

Lord, Give me a sense of humour,
the ability to understand a clean joke,
To get some humour out of life,
And pass it on to other folk.

 

Imagine a world without Social Networking

Imagine there’s no Facebook
It’s easy if you try
No “Friends” or “Status”
No pages you can “Like”
Imagine all the people
Living yesterday…

Imagine there’s no Linkedin
It isn’t hard to do
No “Add connections”
No “People you may know”
Imagine all the people
Living in the past…

You may say, I’m a luddite
But I’m not the only one
I hope someday you’ll join us
And the world will be unplugged

Imagine there’s no Twitter
I wonder if you can
No tweets or “fail whale”
A social media ban
Imagine all the people
Sharing only words…

You may say, I’m a luddite,
But I’m not the only one
I hope someday you’ll join us
And the world will be unplugged

author: Sherry Bastion

 

How Indians do arranged marriage in 21st century

Rajpat (the father): Son, I want you to marry a girl of my choice.

Son: “I will choose my own bride!!!”

Rajpat: “But the girl is Bill Gates’s daughter..”

Son: “Well, in that case… Ok”

Next Rajpat approaches Bill Gates.

Rajpat: “I have a husband for your daughter….”

Bill Gates: “But my daughter is too young to marry!!!!!”

Rajpat: “But this young man is a vice-president of the World Bank.”

Bill Gates: “Ah, in that case… Ok”

Finally Rajpat goes to see the president of the World Bank.

Rajpat: “I have a young man to be recommended as a vice-president..”

President: “But I already have more vice- presidents than I need!”

Rajpat: “But this young man is Bill Gates’s son-in-law.”

President: “Ah, in that case… Ok”

And that my friend, is how Indians do business.

 

AI DIE AFRIKAANS !!

Sex is soos ‘n payslip.
Mens praat nie rerig daaroor nie, want dalk kry die ander ou meer as jy!!

Juffrou gee wiskunde
“Gertjie verstaan jy alles?” “Sjoe juffrou net so kol kol!” “Watter kol verstaan jy nie, Gertjie?” “Fokol juffrou, fokol!”

‘n Les uit geskiedenis:
Rasse intergrasie is soos om kak en roomys te meng. Dit doen niks regtig aan die kak nie, maar dit fok die roomys heeltemal op!

Wangspiere
Wetenskap het bewys dat vrouens se wangspiere SO sterk is dat, as sy dikbek is, hou dit selfs haar bene toe!!

Rassis
‘n REGTE rassis is iemand wat ‘n zebra skiet, en dan net biltong maak van die wit stukke….

Wat is die top punt van gesuip????
As jy oor di dansvloer loop vir nog n dop,en jy wen die singles dans kompetisie!

Dronk katoliek sit in biegkas (confession).
Na ‘n baie lang stilte klop die priester om man se aandag te trek.
“Jy klop verniet!,” skree dronkie terug. “hier is ook nie kakpapier nie!”

Seuntjie van drie vra sy ouma:
“Ouma, is jy van karton gemaak?”
Ouma lag lekker en sê: “Haai nee my skat, hoekom vra jy dan nou vir Ouma so?”
Seuntjie antwoord: “Want Pappa sê altyd Ouma is ‘n regte ou doos.”

Geduld is ‘n stadige manier om jou moer heeltemal te strip

 

What a Wedding

For anyone who feels they’ve been invited to too many weddings lately have a laugh. This is actually true. It was in a local newspaper in Johannesburg and even Trevor Noah mentioned it on his comedy show. This is a true story about a recent wedding that took place at Wits University. It was a huge wedding with about 300 guests and a paid Master of Ceremonies.

After the wedding MC, at the reception, the groom got up on stage at the microphone to talk to the crowd. He said that he wanted to thank everyone for coming, many from long distances, to support them at their wedding. He especially wanted to thank the bride’s and groom’s families for coming and to thank his new father-in-law for providing such a fabulous reception.

To thank everyone for coming, bringing gifts and everything, he said he wanted to give everyone a special gift just from him. So taped to the bottom of everyone’s chair, including the wedding party, was a manila envelope.

He said that this was his gift and told everyone to open their envelopes.

Inside each envelope was an 8×10 photo of his best man having sex…with the bride. He had gotten suspicious of the two of them and hired a private detective to trail them weeks prior to the wedding.

After he stood there and watched the people’s reactions for a couple of minutes, he turned to the best man and said, “F*CK you!” He turned to his bride and said, “F*CK you!” Then he turned to the dumbfounded crowd and said, “I’m out of here!”

He had the marriage annulled the first thing that Monday morning. While most of us would have broken off the engagement immediately after finding out about the affair, this guy goes through with it anyway, as if nothing was wrong.

Wedding Revenge Results:

  1. Making the bride’s parents pay over R200,000 for 300 guests for a wedding and reception.
  2. Letting everyone know exactly what did happen. And, best of all…
  3. Trashing the bride’s and best man’s reputations in front of all of their friends and their entire families.

This guy has balls the size of church bells. Do you think we might see one of those MasterCard Priceless
commercials out of this? Huh?

  • Elegant wedding for 300 family and guests — R200,000
  • Photographers for the wedding — R5,000
  • Deluxe Honeymoon accommodations in Maui for 2 weeks — R50,500
  • The look on everyone’s faces after seeing a photo of the Bride and Best Man having sex — Priceless!!!