This is a summary from an excellent video by Richard Bandler, the co-creator of Neuro Lingustic Programming and Anne Teachworth, author of Why We Pick The Mates We Do.

This is a video from a seminar in the 1980s and Richard Bandler is witty, charming while demonstrating profoundly simply ways to create deep connections with the opposite effect. I had not heard of Anne Teachworth before watching this video and since discovering her I’ve added her book, Why We Pick The Mates We Do, to my wishlist.

One of the core aspects of NLP is the frame (of mind) which in the case of patterns of flirting says it is unkind to let someone sit on the other side of the room without getting the opportunity of meeting you. There’s two steps to change: the inside and the outside. In fact its my core belief going forward that once you take care of the inside, the outside begins to take care of itself.

He who hesitates waits. Wait until the women is in a great mood and touch her on her arm, close to her elbow, squeeze slightly. This anchors those good feelings to you. Most of us inadvertently anchor bad feelings from girlfriends or wife because we touch them, in the hope of making them feel better, during an argument. Flirting is a chance to get to know someone without a commitment. All flirting is based on body asymmetry. Try to use angles for eye contact rather then direct eye contact.

The eyes is the starting point for flirting in the exterior sense because you will remember glances. When someone else is looking away, wait for them to look at you, and nod. Make sure you sit next to someone you want to get to know if you know you’re going to be in a long or whole day meeting, seminar or conference. How to take hesitation and turn it into wanton desire.

Let your eyes linger long enough for the woman to notice. Start with her eyes, work your way down till her toes, and slowly work your way up. Maybe even wet your lips at the end. Think of your eyes as a finger.

Bite the bottom lip, look down just a little bit, and up off to the side. Tilt your body at an angle. Sitting up straight does not allow you to move and create angles. For example facing forward and looking to the side, looking up and underneath.

Breath at the same rate. Listen to the tempo of the voice of the person you’re speaking to. Slow down and compliment something about them and be very specific. Comment on it, look at it and touch it. Do all this at the same time.

Every time a man kisses a woman’s hand, she never forgets. When you kiss, lift the hand up, use your other hand and lift her arm up.

Women should remember to ask for more, “Oh I love that, do that again.” Shift to using nicknames as quickly as possible. Touch them on the nose and say “hey princess” and anchors again.

Something I learned from Richard Bandler a while ago is that you learn the best when you’re having fun. So when you can create a fun flirting experience with someone from the opposite sex, you are training or teaching them, to respond with fun and flirtatious moves.

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Supercharge your dating life and reinvent yourself from the inside out with South Africa’s leading dating and attraction expert…

Love is in the air and South Africa’s “Romance Rescue Team” have announced they will be hosting the first ever Social or Single seminar on the 12 February. The perfect aphrodisiac to Valentine’s Day, guests attending the event will be treated to an evening of lively, entertaining talk by leading dating and attraction experts. Not just for the actively unmarried, the event is open to all and being held at the celebrated Preview Theatre in Bagleyston. It will start with a glass of champagne between 18h30 and 19h00.

“The first of its kind in South Africa, this event promises to be such fun,” enthuses top dating coach and SA’s answer to Hitch, Ramon Thomas. “There will be talks on every aspect of attraction including dating techniques and body language, image projection and personal style, sex, love and romance; everything you need to know to supercharge your dating life and relationships.”

Master of Ceremonies for the evening, Thomas, will also present a powerful talk on how to shift your dating life from scarcity to abundance. “Dating in the 21 century is challenging,” he maintains, “whether you want to attract more of the right kind of people into your life or transform your relationships so they deepen and last longer. So I’ll be tackling topics like how attraction really works, for both sexes, why living in a heavily populated city actually makes it more difficult to find a mate, and how changing your mind will change your life.”

Thomas will be joined on stage by Koketso Masego, founder of the BeautyLUSH image consultancy, who will be demonstrating how to find and exploit your personal sense of style by performing a ?live? image makeover. “There is a powerful, symbolic relationship between your outer appearance and your inner feelings and thoughts,” explains Masego, “and I want to show the audience how to tap into that exchange to heighten and express their attractiveness.”

Two internationally-recognised authorities on romance and relationships, Prof Helen Fisher and Dr John Demartini, will also be sharing their expertise with the audience through two highly entertaining and engaging video presentations. “Prof. Fisher will be exploring both why we love and why we cheat and Dr. Demartini will be sharing his powerful ideas on how to transform our relationships,” notes Thomas.

Guests will also stand a chance to win a complete personal ‘dating life’ makeover, valued at over R4000, in the Grand Prize Draw at the end of the evening. “One male and one female guest will each win a free attraction-consultation with Koketso and me,” explains Thomas, “but nobody will leave empty handed because we will also be giving out complimentary DVDs of the entire evening’s info-tainment.”

Brought to you in association with SMARTdate, South Africa?s leading dating agency, tickets for “Social or Single” cost R100 per person and can bookings can be made through the SMARTdate website or by calling 072 464-4253.

Notes to Editors

South Africa’s #1 Dating Coach, professional speaker and regular media commentator, Ramon Thomas is an expert on dating, attraction and romantic relationships in the 21st century. A member of the National Speakers Association and Toastmasters, Thomas is an experienced compeer available for keynote presentation and seminars.

Managed by local cinematic legend, Italo Bernicci, the celebrated Preview Theatre is available for hire as a venue and regularly presents screenings of classic movies. Located on Valerie Crescent, Bagleyston, Johannesburg.

For further information please contact Ramon Thomas directly.

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Most you have likely never heard of Bobby Fischer. Well lets recap why he’s an hero of mine…

Bobby Fischer is the 1st and only American to win the World Chess Champion. He has been described as having a higher IQ than Albert Einstein and even comparisons with other geniuses like Beethoven. Recognised a child prodigy he becoming the youngest American champion and Grandmaster. However, its the 1972 world title match in Reykjav?k, Iceland against Boris Spassky, for which he is always remembered. This was at the peak of the idiotic Cold War and this event is often described as the Match of the Century. Bobby Fisher demolished Spassky to become the world champion for 3 years after refusing to defend his title against Anatoly Karpov in 1975, the year I was born.

He disappeared from the public eye until 1992 when he resurfaced for a controversial rematch against Spassky, again in Iceland.

Anyway it’s not so much his genius at playing chess that has impressed me over the years. What has made a real impact on is how he rebelled against authority. He pointed the middle finger to the United States after 1992 because he went against an executive order from George HW Bush, implementing a United Nations resolution, not to engage in economic activities in Yugoslavia. Yes, he is the rebel without a cause. The David against the Goliath. The underdog in every sense of the world and completely misunderstood.There’s way to much to discuss in this matter and you can read for yourself on this Bobby Fischer fan website from Japan, which also contains many radio interviews. I must caution you that he has been accused of incoherent diatribes against a Jewish world conspiracy and the American government. However, one thing I believe completely to be true is that he was exploitation for various purpose like his name being used, without permission, in the movie Searching for Bobby Fisher, loosing his patent for the Fischer clock, now a standard item in world chess and other misfortunes.Throughout all of his eventful life Bobby had many affairs, but never married. Being the enigma that he was it seems understandable that he is and always will be the bad boy of chess. His legend will only grow after his death at age 64, the same number of squares on a chess board, in Iceland. And even if he was just half the asshole he was in chess, with women, he would inadvertently create the type of attraction we know other bad boys like Marlon Brando did. It seems like matter where he went in the world, he found woman willing and attracted to him and his Japenese partner, Miyoko Watai, who stood by him since 2000 to the end.In conclusion, like Bobby Fischer, you can be more self reliant, stop caring about other people’s opinions and being true to yourself. No matter how crazy people think he may have been, I believe he never sacrificed the freedom of being himself. Remembering Bobby Fischer…

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This week I was interviewed by for an article in Soul magazine about why there is more single women than ever before. And it was so weird because I had been thinking about the masculine and the feminine in new ways over the last two weeks and had this discussion with a few women.

My basic inspiration for this world view comes from watching an interview with Steven Ross on the Conscious Media Network about Beauty. At some point early in the interview he begins to explain how it is the devine feminine in the world has created beauty, love and harmony not the masculine. “The great poets, musicians, philosophers that have brought beauty in the world, whether they are men or women. It came from the feminine side of the being, not the the male, masculine side. And so when we look at intuition, healing, perception, that comes from the feminine side of the nature. And for women to abandon and not to understand who they are is bringing the (human) race down in the opposite direction it could be going. Because the male does not produce beauty, the male does not produce art. And we’re talking about the masculine energy. Of course males do but it’s that feminine side. And it does not mean somebody is effeminate or gay. It just means that this is the creative beautiful side.”

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Recently I bumped into a woman whom I met about 5 years ago at nightclub. At first glance she still looked hot after all these years. A slim body and sexy clothes, flat tummy and nice boobs. However, she was likely more bitchy than when we first met. This time however, I had also become more assertive. And I kept joking around with her and her friends.

At some point I was speaking to her friend and she explained they were both ?divorced with no kids.? No you may or may not know my stance on dating women with kids but that is a non-negotiable for me these days. The way this woman added ?no kids? really got me thinking about it. So obviously they were what’s called ?back on the market? and the woman I met 5 years ago made a very bad decision in her marriage. Whatever the specific reasons for it not working out is irrelevant because my frame of mind says that woman choose the men, no matter how the men misbehave, they, the woman actually made this bad choice. And what gets to them eventually is knowing this. In the same light my mother chose my dad, whom she divorced after a few short years. In general women, the media and society tend to blame the men for bad behaviour, cheating, drinking, slacking, etc.

Anyway another way of thinking about women stems from the concepts of premiums and discounts I discovered listening to FJ Shark’s Keys to the Kingdom of Women audio programme. The basic idea here is that premiums are high maintenance, expect more than they give, and in general should be avoided when you first notice them. They may be very attractive, which is what helps them get away with their bitchy behaviour. And men must become more assertive, identify the two basic types of women, and cut losses quickly or move forward quickly. It’s also the trait of a good salesman, that is qualifying your clients quickly so you do not waste to much time on dead leads.

Here’s some reasons why you don’t want to date divorced women:

• they made a bad decision (no matter what the guy did, they chose him)
• they likely to give you the run around about sex and intimacy
• they very likely to have commitment issues and other psychological baggage
• you are not there to play Freud
• you are not looking to make new friends because you have friends already
• there are many women, never married from 18 to 38

As I keep saying more and more these days: If you are going through all the effort reading and studying seduction and dating, to improve your success with women, it becomes a real test of character to get them coming back for more. Anyone can have one night stands, and we’ve all been there, done that. But when you are working so hard on improving your life, it is good when you are able to draw on the self-esteem interest you’ve been building over the years. Don’t give up. Keep on, keeping on.

What’s your experience been in dating divorced men or women??

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