Avoiding long distance relationships

Ramon Thomas South Africa

You will always find people who have had success in a particular way of dating because there is such a vast number of variables at play. Long distance relationships for the most part give people a false hope or a lack of control in the outcome, and in my opinion kills your self-esteem.

When I think back to a girl I was dating during my time at university in Port Elizabeth, I recall how the tension escalated when I moved to Johannesburg. A year later she moved to Stellenbosch to pursue an Honours degree in Chemistry. I would never again get involved in a long distance because it was doomed from the beginning. The signs were there but I chose to ignore them.

Some fascinating research from the Journal of Family Relations is that couples who marry from a long-term relationship may still be in the idealized state. This impairs their ability to be realistic in their evaluation of the other. Your biggest challenge today is not even that the person you are dating is another city. Imagine where they are in their minds when they are chatting away on Facebook or MXit?


Author: RJ Thomas

RJ Thomas is an International Relationship Builder. He was born in South Africa, and moved to China in 2013.

  • Its nice to hear from the guys side on relationships, I just stumbled upon your blog and finding it very enjoyable.

  • Mercy

    Hay pliz explain me how long relaship walk like iam south africa and my bf his is in kenya

  • Div

    I’m not quite sure I understand this article. It doesn’t really make any sense. What you are saying is that all couples in a long distance relationship are doomed because one would not know if there partner is loyal? Can that not apply to a “normal relationship” as well? How would one be able to derive what goes on in their partners mxit or facebook profiles under any circumstance? Do you not think a long distant relationship is able to strengthen a relationship by strengthening trust and loyalty? Are you saying that no-one is capable of being in a long distant relationship? If so, then are you not ultimatly suggesting that no-one is capable of loyalty? I’m feeling a bit insulted after reading this article by your suggestions that everyone is bound to succumb to lustful animalistic needs whether in a relationship or not. I certainly live by better morals and values than that and I know that there are allot of people out that do also.

  • Zoe

    Interesting topic. I saw you on 3talk…I’ve had a few long distance relationships and they have all worked to some degree. I think so long as the foundation is there when you start the relationship say you live in the same city when you start the relationship. Different things work for different people.